Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Here comes the bachelor,

all dressed in my nice jacket I only wear for special events.

- Oh, you're already on fire. - Thank you, my friend.

And gentlemen, welcome to my bachelor party.

This is the elite party squad.

That is, assuming the captain is ready to let loose?

Captain? I don't think so.

I want you guys to think of me as one of the boys.

So tonight I'll be swapping out my captain's hat for my...

Kangol hat. Call me Raymond.

Okay, Raymond in the Kangol hat,

I will definitely call you Raymond, Raymond in the Kangol hat.

- This is the best night of my life. - Mine too. Sharon gave me permission

She's even putting a pasta pot

- next to the bed in case I hurl. - Smart.

I'm definitely putting a pasta pot on our wedding registry.

Charles, tell us everything we're doing tonight.

Well, that could take a long time.

I've been planning this bachelor party for ten years.

But I met Amy eight years ago.

What does she have to do with this?

JK. I'm happy for you both.

No, no, tonight... is about

creating a bond that will last forever.

Tonight is about The Batch Boys.

Eh, we can brainstorm the name later.

No, we can't because I already made fanny packs.

Ah, well, that settles that.

This, uh, clearly says "Bach Boys."

No, it's "batch."

You know, like the beginning of "bachelor."

I've been working on this for ten years... don't ruin it!

Okay, so let's fanny up, Batch Boys,

because it's time to party.

Whoop whoop!

Yes.

Whoop whoop, Raymond in the Kangol.

Let's go.

*BROOKLYN Nine-Nine* Season 05 Episode 19

*BROOKLYN Nine-Nine* Episode Title : "Bachelorette Party"

Sync corrections by srjanapala

I'm so excited for tonight.

Thank you to my best friend, Kylie, for organizing this.

And thank you for coming, ladies

and gentlemen.

I still don't get why you guys are here.

Well, as I understand it, Amy lost

- some sort of bet with Jake. - It's true.

In hindsight, we should probably stop

making major decisions through bets and competitions.

More importantly, why are you guys dressed like that?

You look like you're on "Empire."

That's what we were going for. Drip drop.

We brought you a little gift.

I had to guess on cup size.

- Just gonna burn that for you. - Thank you.

Amy, I too have a gift, okay?

Tonight, until the stroke of midnight,

I will not make fun of you in any way at all,

no matter what.

That is so sweet.

And my gift to you

is a cray-cray night of funky fun!

I fear I've already made the biggest mistake of my life.

So, Kylie.

What's the first event of the night?

I thought we'd start by discussing the etymology

of the word "bachelorette."

- Whoo-whoo! - Or we could

just play "Never Have I Ever."

- Maybe later? - I'll start.

Never have I ever

flashed a bartender to get a free drink.

You guys know how the game works, right?

You drink if you have done it.

Oh. We understand.

Okay, Batch Boys, the festivities official begin now.

Let's just grab a couple cabs or...

Oh, my God. What do we have here?

- Damn! - Nice work on the limo, Charles.

What...

What just happened?

Well, that was weird.

A suspicious bag.

Maybe we should see what's in it?

- Ooh. - A mystery bag.

I hope it's got those light-up necklaces.

People love seeing large groups of drunk men wearing those.

Nope. It's a bunch of school supplies.

Is this gonna be one of those scavenger hunts, Boyle?

'Cause that pasta pot isn't filling itself.

Come on, Terry. Let's just see what the plan is.

Charles, what are we doing?

I don't know anything about it.

But why don't we take this map and this sextant

and chart a course to the restaurant?

Title of your sex-tant tape.

Ah, did not work at all,

but I love that you attempted it.

Title of your sex-tant tape.

All right, let's go!

Never have I ever

had sex in the back of a car.

No way. Everyone's done that?

Yeah. Except for you.

Kylie, you're telling me you had sex in the back of a car?

Actually, it was a school bus,

on the way back from Model U.N.

with Myanmar.

It's like I don't even know you.

Look, we've done like nine rounds of this,

and you haven't drunk once.

Maybe we should play something else

that actually gets you drunk.

I love you, dude, but you haven't had the craziest life.

That's not true. I've done stuff.

Just say ones that are a little less wild.

Uh, never have I ever made a turn without signaling.

Okay, a turn is a big deal.

It's not like you said, never have I ever

changed lanes without signaling.

Never have I ever changed lanes without signaling.

You guys are insane!

Never have I ever

accepted the terms and conditions without reading them.

It's too risky.

Left a movie without watching the credits.

Those people worked hard.

Used more than the recommended amount of conditioner.

They make the conditioner. They know what they're doing.

This is lame. Let's play something else.

No. No-no-no, okay.

Never have I ever

had a one-night stand with a guy from a band.

Whoops! Yes, I have!

Whoa, I am V impressed, Amy. V impressed.

In fact, Kylie,

it was the lead singer of your wedding band.

Boom! That's right.

I'm a wild girl!

Watch out, Madonna.

Uh, Ames?

I told Jake that you really liked that band

and he booked it for your wedding as a surprise.

What?

Surprise!

So, according to this map,

the restaurant should be right here.

But it's just an old abandoned building.

That's odd. Unless...

You don't think when the sun sets that

certain letters on that graffiti wall will be illuminated

by a shaft of light?

I don't think that.

We've been at this bachelor party

for over an hour, wandering around aimlessly

and we haven't done one bachelor party thing!

Well, Terry, if you'd like, I could share a lewd story.

Kevin got me quite horny this morning.

Oh, see?

Come on, guys. I'm hungry!

Oh, you're in luck; the fanny pack

is filled with granola.

Mmm! Loose granola.

I don't want fanny granola!

I want steaks and whiskey!

Is this whole night just gonna be puzzles?

Good question. Perhaps that's something

the limo can answer!

- Oh. - Oh, yes, the limo's back!

We finally get to ride in the limo.

Nope. The limo is not for us. This is something else.

Oh, no, I'm being kidnapped!

We have your friend! Your mission is to find him!

Is that a Serbian accent?

It is. Write that down for later.

Oh! I'll see you in six hours.

Six hours?

Joe, let us get in the limo, please!

Terry's so hungry!

No!

Okay, let's not get discouraged just because...

We've been doing this for 93 minutes

and we haven't figured out one damn clue.

That's why I said to not get discouraged.

All right, what about book two? Maybe it's a code.

All we have to do is decipher

this list of thousands of random numbers.

Huh, I wonder if one of them is... 6-9?

Pretty sure he means 69, but I'm so hungry

I can't even appreciate horndog Raymond.

I say we bail on the scavenger hunt.

There's a restaurant one block away that

rolls meat to you on a cart.

Charles would be so upset if we bailed.

But what if Charles never knew?

If we can figure out where he's going to be

at the end of the night, we don't have to do

any of his dumb puzzles. Right.

Instead, we can spend the next six hours