How I Met Your Mother

Kids, in the spring of 2013,

we were all tying up loose ends before the big wedding.

I was right here in this very room,

putting the finishing touches on the house.

Oh, come on!

Barney and Robin were wrapping up rehearsal

for their first dance.

That was amazing. We can do better.

Back to one, everyone!

Reload the cannons, we'll go again right away.

And Lily and Marshall were packing

for their year in Italy.

Hello.

How's my favorite daughter-in-law?

Oh, things are

a bit crazy here.

We've got this big move to Rome coming up,

and I, I just can't shake the feeling

that I'm forgetting something, you know.

I know, I know, I'm being crazy, right?

Right, Judy?

Right, Judy?

You're moving to Rome?!

: Is that my mom?

Don't mention Rome.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

You didn't tell your mom about Rome?

It didn't feel right.

This isn't over-the-phone news.

This is face-to-face news.

I was gonna tell her when we see her at Christmas.

You were gonna wait and tell her

after we had already been living there for six months?

That... was a great plan.

Damn it.

Hey, Mom, it's Marshall.

If you're moving to Rome,

I at least need to see my grandson before you go!

Of course, and that is why we would love

for you to come visit us for a week.

No.

The place will be all packed up.

Oh, oh, uh, okay, hey, Mom, better idea:

how about we all come visit you for a week?

I can't go to Minnesota for a week.

I have a job.

Okay, Mom, here's the plan: um, Lily has to work,

so Marvin and I will come visit you for a whole week,

and I-I'll see if I can get a last-minute flight.

You are going to take my infant son

away from me for a whole week?

Whoo!

So, what do you want to do tonight--

drink ourselves blind, set a car on fire?

Ooh, watch a movie that doesn't start

with a desk lamp jumping on top of a capital "I"?

I'm all yours, Teddy Westside.

Actually, tonight it's Teddy Westchester.

Got to head up to the house, take care of some stuff.

Oh, yeah, how's the restoration going?

Actually, done.

You finished the house?

Well, I want to see it.

Marshall already canceled the cable, huh?

And the Wi-Fi. It's like Little House

on the Freaking Prairie up there.

Mm-hmm.

Well, the wedding planning is done,

so tonight is all about relaxing and celebrating

everything that makes us awesome,

which is why

I requested our favorite table.

The one by the window.

Where we were sitting the night we saw those two bums fighting.

Over a sandwich.

We almost called the cops.

And then we realized they weren't fighting at all.

They were making love.

Over a sandwich.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Ha-ha, yeah. No way, is that...?

El Piramide.

The first cigar we ever smoked together.

Aw, Barney.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Could you not? Thanks.

Uh...

dude, I'm not gonna light 'em up in here.

I'm just looking at 'em.

Right, but even when they're unlit,

the smell-- it's very...

Pungent.

Exactly-- thank you.

It's a very pungent smell.

So, could you not?

Thanks.

Okay.

I'm sorry, can you also put the bag away?

It-It's just really unappetizing to look at.

You're unappetizing to look at.

You know what? Um, I'll put them away, okay?

Enjoy your night.

We'll try.

Did those two just become our archenemies?

No, Robin, they've always been

our archenemies.

They've only just revealed themselves.

Hi, Kristen?

Everyone pronounces it wrong.

The "R" is after the "I""

Kirsten.

And before the "I""

It's Krirsten.

Your table's ready.

Wow, they're "trerrible""

You know what?

Don't even think about them, okay?

Tonight is about celebrating us. You're right, you're right.

We shouldn't let a couple... Nope, nope.

I'm a self-diagnosed claustrophobic.

I have to sit next to the window.

No, that's our table, that's our table,

that's our table, that's our table, that's our table,

that's our table.

You know what?

Screw celebrating us. You know what we're gonna do?

Make those smug, obnoxious sons of bitches pay.

Aw...

So Aunt Lily and I drove up to Westchester.

Hey, baby,

how's Minnesota?

It is so much fun.

Oh, hold on one sec.

Marshall, I made you this welcome-home ice cream sundae.

But I can't remember, do you like crushed nuts?

I love

crushed nuts.

Oh!

Anyway, it's, it's great to be home.

How's Judy doing?

Oh, she's great.

It's cute, you know, she keeps joking

about how she's not gonna let us leave.

I'm really not.

It's not a joke.

Judy's going to talk him out of going to Rome.

I knew something was going to screw up our plans,

and this is it.

She is going to convince him never to leave the country.

I think you're imagining things.

Oh, yeah? Well, check out what's already on Facebook.

Inconclusive.

Oh, really?

It's getting conclusiver.

Hey, Lily.

What? Come on.

Okay, open 'em.

Your eyes-- sorry, they should have been closed.

That one's on me.

Let's try again.

Wow.

Ted, you did this all yourself?

Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

I was pretty manly till I mentioned

Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, huh?

Even I haven't seen it, Ted.

Just think, this is the house

your kids are going to grow up in.

They are going to roast marshmallows

in this fireplace.

They're gonna experiment

with recreational drugs

on that porch.

They're gonna sit on a couch right here

and listen to your boring stories about...

"For sale" sign?

Are you selling this place?

Yeah.

Why?

Because I'm moving to Chicago.

Ow.

So, what are we gonna do--

put something in their food,

key their car? Ooh,

do either of those cigars explode?

Hold on, Wile E. Coyote, I think I got something.

He's checking out the hostess.

Now, a guy who's happily in a relationship sees a girl

like that, he'll check her out maybe 14, 15 times, tops.

16 times, tops.

So Krirsten's more invested in the relationship

than her fella is.

That could spell trouble.

Challenge accepted.

Hey, do you think it's bad luck for a bride

to break up two strangers a week before her wedding?

I'd say it's very bad luck... for Krirsten.

Ow, I hate this table so much!

Why would you move