The Trades

Why do I always get stuck with the apprentices?

Because you're a good tradesman.

Backwoods: Oh, come on, Golden Arm.

Stop feeding me the horse shit.

Everyone knows those who can't do, teach.

You're the exception of the rule,

a good tradesman who is also a damn fine teacher.

Besides, Homer would just fuck her up.

Fair enough. And yes,

I am an exceptional tradesman.

For the record,

I do not want to be saddled up

with another inbred mouth-breather.

Besides, what's this clown's name again?

Hey!

Hey, why'd you say "her"?

Because today's inbred newbie mouth-breather is my sister.

What's upppp?

Oh yeah. Shit. That's awkward.

What up, sis?

Get ready, rookie. I'm gonna kill you.

Charles : We're not turning anything around.

We're turning it off.

Imperial Valley's production is disappointing

and the return is the worst it's ever been.

This site's been on my shit list forever.

Charles, it's me.

You know my track record.

Let me do what I was sent here to do.

Charles : That town is a union stronghold

and unions are a pain in my ass!

Well, I see an operational plant with a lot of morale.

Charles : Morale doesn't trade on the Nasdaq.

What's my timeline?

Charles : You do two things.

One, you oversee the closure and two,

you don't call and question me

on how I run my goddamn business!

What's the status on Bennett?

Comatose. No changes.

If you wakes up, you let me know.

Understood. Should I-

Go walk in traffic? Fuck me!

Not you.

Just... I'll take the handcuffs.

You guys hear about Hernando the Portuguese plumber?

Dude fell asleep in a portajohn

got hauled fifteen clicks to their facility

and now they're calling the outhouses

"Portuguese Rocketships".

Ah, I started that rumour.

I'm glad it did the rounds though .

Homer: Did they find the person

who's putting water in everyone's boots?

Oh, I fuckin' hate that guy.

Or girl.

Oh, sneaky fucker.

We gotta catch him before, or her before winter.

Okay, how 'bout the Insulator

who tried to tie his dick in a knot on a dare?

What? - True.

It's not good guys, we're fucked.

I mean, we're-we're effed.

I wanted to prank you guys.

Out with it, Dewey.

Dewey: I fucked up.

She's back.

Steph: What?!

Oh, fun sponge.

Come on! - Hello, fellas.

Your Sensitivity Trainer is in da house.

Shit!

Oh, nope. No, no, no, no, no.

Ten bucks the new chick called in Janet to clean us up.

It's destabilization 101.

Sabotage a population social and cultural systems,

thereby destroying any attempt to resist or retaliate.

Find your seat, please.

It's right in front of you.

Thank you.

For those of you who don't know,

my official title is Sensitivity Trainer.

My name is Janet.

Pronouns: she/her.

You guys know the drill;

I come in here tell you what not to do and say.

No one listens and I call it a day.

She's fucking saying shit. Pay attention.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Thank you.

You talkin'?

How most of you behave on the job site is unacceptable.

In the first twenty minutes I've been here,

I observed several infractions,

including the use of a disturbing nickname...

Hey, Big Nate! What's up, buddy?

Big Nate! - Big Nate!

Big Nate?

Nate-ive?

That's racist.

It's clever.

My name's Nathaniel.

And I'm fuckin' huge.

Homer: That's what she/her said.

Well what about the comments overheard

about the women in accounting

and the size of their posteriors?

What the fuck you lookin' at me for?

What? What? - Bottoms?

Like a gay dude?

No. No, their butts.

Guys, she's talkin' about "Bum and Bummer".

That is not their names.

That's their names!

Alright, alright, enough of this circle jerk.

You three, go do the valve swap.

You two, back on the MIG weld in A3.

Everybody good?

Not so fast.

Corporate wants a full tool roll back.

Anything that grinds, cuts or welds.

If it's not bolted down

bring it back to the tool crib for inventory.

Fucking bullshit, Todd.

It's gonna slow us the fuck down.

Fuuccckkk!

The f...

Understood.

Pussy! Pussy!

Let's get to work. Come on!

Pussy! Pussy!

Folded like a lawn chair on that one, didn't ya?

Tradesman: All the tools? Every one?

I'll give you another.

One last one of these 'cause I've had enough.

Every tool, Jimi.

Huh. It's a lot bigger when you're close up.

That's what they all say.

Don't get all distracted,

these pressure gauges aren't gonna inspect themselves.

That there's my boy Poopstick.

He and I used to wrestle in high school.

This guy leaning here doing absolutely fuck all

is San Francisco fuckin' Sneakers.

What?

He constantly wears kneepads.

Look at 'em.

This guy over here...

that's Snot.

Fuck you too, Snot!

Used to be a DJ in town

so we started calling him DJ Dickface

and DJ Dicksnot.

And now it's just "Snot". Too many words.

He doesn't mind?

Of course he does. He fuckin' hates it.

These two clowns right here...

Ah-haha. Yes.

This one here is...

"Meat"! Meat!

There's you goin'.

This one here is "Sticks".

What's up?

Kind of shit to bet on the nickname department,

but gets the fuckin' job done.

You know what I mean?

Anyways, Poopstick!

Snot!

Hey, this here is Todd's sister.

Keep her fuckin' classy, gentlemen.

What's up, guys?

I'm Audrey.

Maybe you can call me Auds or OddJob or...

Oh fuck no.

Todd's Sister, are you wearing make-up?

No.

Good enough. Get your shit.

We got work. Let's go!

Please, come in

As a trusted foreman,

I wanna go on the record to say that inventory at this time,

it's a bad call.

And your mints are stale.

Duly noted.

I think we should put our resources

in the guys on the flare stack.

I mean, every day that thing's not upright and online,

we're losing money.

I appreciate you having my back like this.

Look, I'm here to be your second in command,

your eyes and ears, hand of justice.

I've been here a ton of years

and that means I've got their trust.

Okay, look Todd, nothing is happening.

It's standard practise for new management

to get the lay of the land.

Is it also standard practise

to bring in a Sensitivity Trainer on your first week?

Are you insinuating I had something to do with that?

I just think it's a huge waste of time.