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Once, I was on top of the world.

I was a major-league hedonist and lived like god in Amsterdam.

What could go wrong?

A Woman Goes to the Doctor

An ode to love

PART ONE STIJN & CARMEN

I was hard at work one day when she walked in.

The most beautiful woman in the western hemisphere, and far beyond.

Yes, wow! Scored!

So we buy the best Dutch commercials...

...and sell them to foreign companies.

That way we all make money off it. - Great idea.

Who came up with that idea? - Me.

You?

And why? - Because of types like you.

Types like me?

I'm sure you think your clients should have a huge portrait of you on their wall.

Stijn van Diepen... from Brabant, I assume?

Yes... Breda. In the south of Holland.

Breda? - A small town, 500 km north of Paris.

And you? Where are you from? - Amsterdam.

So you're a real Amsterdammer who thinks the world is flat.

Leave the city and you'll fall off the edge.

A little bit, yes.

But, you wouldn't fall off. I'd save you.

Barry Manilow?

Or Mozart? - That's an easy one. Barry Manilow.

Stijn! - What?

Come on! - Wait.

Rock on!

Best day of the year?

In February, of course... carnival.

Really. - Carnival?

Anything goes. Anything you like.

So I'm not scared of anything, anything is possible.

One cup. Really. I'm so thirsty. Really.

No, wait!

How do you like your tea?

I want to marry her. - You? Marry?

Stijn, I don't think that's a good idea. - But I love her!

And I want a child from her!

For better, for worse! In sickness and in health.

Until death do you part. - I do.

My wife had a passion for life. Life was a party. Every day.

Apart from that one day...

Bastard!

You fucked Sharon with the droopy tits?! Gross.

How often. - Well, twice?

Twice?! You and your two times.

Bullshit, Stijn. How often? - Carmen!

We only just moved in together! What's wrong with you?

I only love you. She was some ugly chick. No, don't!

I will! - Stop, stop!

From then on, Carmen knew I'd never be faithful.

She decided to tolerate my cheating as a bad habit.

One guy picks his nose, another cheats. Something like that.

Branding at Work, this is Frank.

I started an ad agency with Frank.

"Branding at Work". The money poured in. Buckets of it.

No: By the container load.

We moved to Amstelveen. I hate Amstelveen.

Hey Stijn! Congratulations! This is brilliant!

The reason for buying a house with a yard made up for a lot: Luna, light of my life.

Fortunately Frank and I regularly went abroad on business...

...Iooking for inspiration...

...maintaining contact with clients...

...and generating new business.

Women could touch me anywhere, except my heart.

My heart belonged to Carmen.

Frank's my best friend, but with the opposite libido.

He's not interested in fucking. That seems to exist.

This is Ramon. The same breed as me.

I had everything under control...

Where were you? - Los Angeles.

Okay.

Shit! Stop. Stop now!

Stijn, text message!

What? - Text message!

Some guy Frank. - What does he say?

"Look in your left pocket."

There's another message. "I mean your right pocket..."

"Stijn, Stijn. Don't do it anymore."

I had everything under control.

Hey! Here we are again.

Hi gorgeous...

I missed you, you know.

Hey, what's up?

I spoke to the doctor about my breast. We have to go by. It's really not good.

It's malignant.

We'll have to investigate the best treatment.

We have to test lungs, liver, lymph glands, and then decide...

...which chemo to use...

...at which intervals...

...how much time in between.

That depends on your condition. We need to know how progressive it is.

Maybe I'll go bald.

All over?

It's so strange. I don't feel ill. There's just something in my breast...

...that's bad and I can't control it. That's so weird.

Lymph glands? - Lymphyes, test my lymphs.

And then they can see what the next step is.

Whether that's chemo or whatever...

Carmen is so strong... - Anyone for bubbly?

Come on, guys!

She's not going to die!

It doesn't look good.

Inflammatory breast cancer.

But we can try several techniques. - 2/3rds survive, don't they?

Who says so? - It's on Internet!

Survival rates are lower for this type of cancer.

Can't you just remove it? Take my breast off.

The tumour's too big and we can't see how the cells have spread.

We have to start chemo as soon as possible...

...and then we'll see...

What a nice place...

Good morning! I'm Jeanine. - Carmen.

Hi, I'm Stijn... - Today's the big day. It won't take long.

Your arteries lie very deep.

Chemo was no fun, but I'd promised Carmen I'd be there, every time.

She was relieved and said it was sweet of me to want to come.

"Want" isn't the right word.

The only thing I wanted less was for her to go alone.

You don't want to give it a kiss?

I'll give it a kiss...

He was about to give it a kiss when he jumped on its head...

Carmen, it's only work!

Sweetheart...

Okay?

Here we go...

If you think about it, it's brilliant.

Like so many good ideas, why wasn't it done before?

Anyway, one day Carmen came in and opened our eyes.

We're going to watch a presentation.

Carmen will provide a brief introduction. Carmen?

Good morning.

This commercial was conceived by Branding at Work...

...and was very successful in the Benelux.

The campaign has already ended.

The film has been in a drawer for two years.

Let's look at the film. - Yes.

No one can see it.

Are you sure? - François, get cutting.

Voila!

Fuck...

It looks pretty good from this side. - Wash and wave, please?

I'll see what we can do, madam.

So ugly...

Sorry...

There's Mum.

Hello, darling.

Don't be scared, sweetie.

Mummy's wearing a hat now, you see?

Look. Isn't that weird? - She's like a hedgehog! See?

You want to feel? - Come on, just feel.

It's a little prickly. - Does it feel strange?

Here it comes.

Shake it about...

Isn't that strange? - Isn't it lovely?

You want to feel again?

You want to feel my hair? - Go on, it's soft!

No? Is it a bit scary?

Hey Luna!

Okay, for Frank? - Well...

Okay then. Marilyn Monroe!

New hair? - Yes.

Pretty, isn't it.

It sure is!

It itches like mad! - It does?

Yes. - But blonde looks good on you.

Thank you. - It's better.

What?

Dr Scheltema was satisfied with the result of the four chemos.

She finally believed what I'd said for months. My Carmen is stronger...

...than that cancer.

Half-time: Cancer 0 - Carmen 1!

Now we are ready for the second half!

RADIATION

Here you go...

Come on, Mrs van Diepen.

Radiation. A precision bombing of the tumour.

The way TV showed Americans blowing up buildings in Iraq...

...and then 28 times.

Start at the bottom? - I'll say stop.

Here we go.

It's glued tight. - Yes.

Okay?

Yes, it doesn't hurt as much.

I'm just going into town for a bit. - Okay.

Meet Carol... Meet Esther.

I told you about Stijn.

Carol?

So you must be Esther.

5 missed calls from Carmen

Take it easy...

Are you okay? I'll get a towel?

Calm down.

If he touches your tits, I'll beat him up.

I only operate if I'm sure it increases the chance of survival.

I'm afraid we can't save the breast in your case.

Don't underestimate amputation. You're a beautiful woman. Young...