No Activity

Car 72. No activity.

How was your weekend?

It's Wednesday.

Is it? Jesus.

You still angry about the dolphin?

What dolphin? Oh, oh, oh.

This enormous, giant, concrete dolphin

in the back of our unmarked police car?

No. Why would I be unhappy about that?

I just don't understand.

As my best friend, I would have thought you'd...

Can we not say "best friend"?

We probably are or were or whatever. But we...

We're not little kids. We don't have to say "best frie..."

I don't have a favourite colour.

- Blue. - I don't have a favourite food.

- Sushi. - I do like sushi.

- It's your favourite food. - We're not 7-year-old girls.

So can we not say, "You're my best friend"?

Oh, no one is gonna think there is anything conspicuous

about having a plaster of Paris dolphin in the back of our car.

We could just be two random,

eh, marine biologists...

Yeah. Yeah. We could be.

But we could be two detectives on their way to a stake-out,

and one of them made the other one stop

because he saw a hard rubbish council clean-up.

The first detective was like,

"No, no, no, that's really unprofessional"

"and we really actually need to get to work."

Two criminals could see us in the car and think,

"Oh, look, there's two cops just sitting there on a stake-out."

"But, hang on, no. Because there's a dolphin in the back."

The dolphin saves it.

Yeah.

Continuing Operation Big Red.

Several suspect locations being staked out throughout the city.

Settle in, everyone. We're playing the waiting game.

- If you were a Siamese twin... - Here we go.

Which, uh... which hand would you masturbate with?

Whichever hand

connected to my head.

If I were the right head, I'd go the right hand.

Well, would you, though? Or would it be like...

If you used the other, it would be like it was someone else.

- It would be more exotic. - Would it be?

Wouldn't you have to ask the other head's permission

if you wanted to use their arm?

"Would you mind jerking us off?"

No, I think the other head would realise

at the same time that you had the thought.

They don't share a brain.

Yeah, but, like, there would be, you know,

that kind of sensation comes from somewhere else.

So probably would have been a slight arousal downstairs.

Both the heads would be going, "Oh, it's on here."

- Not necessarily. - "Who's gonna get hold of this?"

- It'd be a race. - Yeah.

Car 72, please report.

- Speak up a bit. - Speak? Um...

Car 72, please report.

Uh, this is Car 72. No activity. Who's that?

This is April. I'm in Dispatch with Carol.

It's her first day, guys.

Oh. April. Well, welcome.

This is, uh, Detective Hendy.

Uh, Detective Stokes. Welcome aboard, April.

Maintaining surveillance on seemingly empty warehouse.

We are Car 72 and look forward to

checking in with you in the future.

- Should we do it? - Mmm.

Actually, April, stand by. There is a bit of activity.

- Oh, no. He's... - What?

Sorry?

- Sorry, Car 72. What? - Backup! Backup!

Sorry, I'm not quite catching you. Are you... Car 72?

Carol?

Um... Car 72?

Car 72, please grow up.

- Sorry. Sorry, Carol. - Sorry, Carol.

- Sorry, April. - Fuck's sake.

She sounds nice, doesn't she, huh?

- No. No. - Come on.

- I could... - No, you can't.

You think you're some kind of Cupid and you're not.

- I won't be set up by you again. - Oh, come on.

And I don't want a nice April.

I want a filthy April.

- Hmm. - Is what I want.

I want, like, a, you know, come home at 3am after a shift

and just go, "I don't care if you're asleep."

I wanna like her. I want her hot.

Fecund. Like a Parisian.

With a bit of medieval...

Like a hot summer. Like, I'm sweating.

I don't know what fluids are coming out of here. Oh, yeah.

- You wanna throw your fluid... - Yeah.

- The... Hmm? - Car 72.

You're still on.

Uh... Yeah, sorry, Carol.

Just, uh...

Uh, just kidding.

Car 72 out.

You fuckhead.

- I had it resting on my thigh. - Did you?

I just... It's the way I hold the radio.

- Gimme... That's no more radio for you - Just... I am sorry

She might have liked it.

Everyone is someone's type.

Oh, fu-u-u-uckin' shut up.

Uh, Customs has uncovered

a small amount of methamphetamines

encased in coffee beans out of Colombia.

We've got several warehouses under surveillance.

Uh, we're hoping the boys are taking the drop at one of them.

Hey.

- What are you doing? - Shut up.

Shut up.

You know, one thing I can't abide is treachery.

- I know. I know. - I don't know...

I don't know what you're talking about.

- I'm your friend. - Really?

For on the seventh day,

he did rest.

I do not.

How's that?

- Mate, that was very good. - It's intense, isn't it?

Mate, I love the biblical slant.

I mean, what's the... The speech making.

Yeah, Janine's been helping me with that.

- Like an evil pastor. - Yeah. "Pastor"?

- Like a preacher. - Oh, okay.

- But, like, evil. - Oh, evil. Definitely evil.

It's a kind of weird sermon.

If it's not evil, it's not worth doin'.

I like the way you use your face, you know.

You got a head what's a bit caved in.

- Yeah. Yeah. - So you use just the stillness.

- Yeah. - And the voice.

What about you? How are you working these days?

I'm gonna go the kind of more of your...

the Mel Gibson kind of crazy-eye thing.

- You know, kind of, you know... - Have a crack.

Nah, mate, I'll just... use the ol' BIC.

Okay.

Hey!

Don't look at me.

Hey, man. I don't know what you're...

Nah, mate. Nah, mate. Nah, mate.

Don't look at me. Look at me.

Don't look at me. Look at me.

Jesus, look at the eye.

You like that?

- Shit, man. - Hey, you killed me brother.

- Yeah, I... - No, no, no.

- You killed me sister. - Yeah.

You killed me mother's uncle

and now I'm gonna kill you.

Argh!

- That's bent. - Well...

- That's bent. - I'm crazy, mate.

You don't know which way I'll go. Am I gonna do it? Am I not?

- Look at me, don't look at me. - I got confused. I didn't know...

Oh, mate. I'm just as confused as anyone.

If I didn't know you,

I'd think... mentally retarded.

- Yeah. - I gotta take a piss.

Oh, mate.

Can't you go out of the... in the laneway?

The job is we wait here

until we're told different, all right?

Ah, attempted assault.

Okay, attempted assault could be just,

"What are you looking at?"

- Unmanned crossing. - Yeah.

That's got... That could be kids, you know.

Uh, you... you've really gotta learn to prioritise.

- Okay. - Think about it.

- Patting a police horse. - Yep.

Or a noise complaint at 9:45pm?

Uh, the noise complaint at 9:45?

- 9:45? - Perhaps?

Assaulting a police horse

- is assaulting a member of the police - Yeah.

- Force. - Force.

- Yeah. - I think that's pretty im...

And you know, you wouldn't like it if someone...

- No. - Do you like that? Would you like that?

- No, I don't. Nup. - Or just that?

- Like a constant... - Don't like that either. Nup.

- So think about that. - Yep. If I...

Yep. If I were the horse. Okay.

- It's pretty simple. - All right.

I love you.

Yeah, it's all right. You don't have to say it.

'Bye.

Wendy's up then.

Yes. Yes. It's the black dog.

- Is it? - It's got her by the throat tonight.

- Still? Still? - Yeah. Yeah.