Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Heads up... there's our perp, looking all

perpy, just perping his way down Perp Street.

- Take a picture! - Give me one second.

This light is really unflattering for his complexion.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

Tom Olson is a bad dude.

He's held up four electronic stores at gunpoint.

Man, I wish you hadn't read that Annie Leibovitz book.

Quit calling it a book. It was a visual journey.

You probably think I should shoot this in color

instead of black and white.

Yes! Shoot color!

Why have you been shooting black and white?

Wait. Where's he going now?

Come on.

Damn it. NYPD! Freeze!

He's trapped!

Top-of-car foot chase!

My birthday wish finally came true!

Keep it up, Jake! He's yours!

He's yours! He's yours!

I know!

I feel like the coolest person in New York City!

Ooh, nice pimp walk, pimp.

Well, thank you, pimpin' playa.

Whoa. That is not a pimp walk.

That's a limp walk.

You sure you should be here today, Jake?

I mean, you wiped out hard.

It wasn't so much a wipeout

as it was a controlled power fall, Sarge.

Well...

That's his disagreement squeak.

You wiped out. What'd the doctor say?

Welcome; We haven't seen you in 11 years.

Haven't been to the doctor in 11 years.

How trill is that?

Your tone's braggy,

but your words are real sad.

Hmm.

Did he clear you for active duty?

First of all, the doctor was a woman.

There's a such thing as women doctors, Sarge.

I lied for effect. It was a man.

And he said that I was perfectly fine,

except for three cracked ribs

and a broken toe, which were right next

to two other broken toes.

Did he clear you or not?

He did not. All right.

Let's get to work, guys. We got a perp to catch.

Oh, forget that. Uh-uh. No. Look.

There's a APB out for your guy.

Lots of cops are looking for him.

You don't need to be here.

Sarge, I know this case better than anyone,

and I am this close to solving it.

Your fingers are really far apart.

Yeah, I also have a hairline fracture in my thumb.

Mankind's least important finger... am I right?

Sarge, please.

Please. Please, please, please.

Just let me stay on the case, all right?

I promise I won't go into the field

or do anything dangerous.

Fine.

You can work the case from right here,

but you are tied to your desk.

Ooh. Tied to my desk.

Mr. Grey will see you now, Sarge.

You wanted to see me, sir?

We have a situation, and it's bad.

Check your e-mail.

- No. - Yes.

Kevin insists on you and Marcus

joining us for dinner at our house.

But we agreed to keep our personal

and professional lives separate.

It is weird enough I am dating your nephew

without dragging your husband and dog into it.

You think I want this?

Because I do not want this.

Sadly, Marcus and Kevin can be held off no longer.

Okay.

So what's our play here?

My stomach's a little off.

I could say I'm sick.

Well, I've used the sick excuse for you eight times.

I think they're catching on.

You could say you're sick.

No one would ever believe that.

No. This is happening.

But don't worry.

I have a plan to keep things from getting too personal.

I'm inviting some intimacy buffers.

Dinner party at your house?

Oh, mama!

I will be there.

All I ask is that you clear the furniture

out of your living room

so I can show Kev some of my new dance opera.

Why just some of it?

Do the whole thing.

Yes; Nothing would make me happier.

See you Thursday at 8:00.

Copy that, Cap-i-tan!

Later, skater.

Yes.

This is wonderful.

The dinner's not for four days,

and you're already freaking out.

Excuse me.

Did you not just hear me say, "Later, skater"?

All right. Fine.

There's a slight chance that, in the past,

I may have tried a little too hard around the captain.

So this time, I'm gonna be super chill.

Good plan.

Whoa!

It just says you got uninvited.

What?

Oh, honey.

Oh. I get it.

You're joking.

See? I'm cool.

I get jokes.

Boyle, have you seen Jake?

No.

I was out getting him some healing broth.

I was torn between chicken or beef,

but then it hit me.

Goat!

What happened? I heard a bang!

No. No bang. Everything's totally normal.

Really?

It looks, to me, like you did something stupid

like try to lift a heavy box.

Sarge, come on. In my condition?

Suck it, MacGyver.

Pretty elegant solution, right?

No!

Everything fell everywhere.

All you had to do was sit at your desk.

What is your problem?

I don't have a problem.

I'm just trying to solve this case,

and everyone's making a huge deal

because I have a few minor injuries

to my ribs, ankle, hand, toes, and jaw.

- Jaw? - Yeah, that just happened.

I got hit in the face with a box.

But look. I'm fine.

- I promise you. - No, you're not.

I'm done with this, Peralta.

Go home and get better.

Now!

All right, fine.

But I'm taking this box of evidence with me.

If you can pick it up, you can take it.

Deal.

See? I'm fine.

Yo, yo, yo!

Miss me, miss me, now you got to kiss me!

I'm talking to you.

Jake, what are you doing here?

It's only been four days.

You're supposed to take a full week off of work.

Come on, Sarge.

Does it look like I'm on the job?

Okay then.

What are you doing here?

Taking your advice to rest and relax

to the next level.

Swinging by to pick up Charles,

and then we're headed to sunny, beachy,

only recently devastated by a financial crisis

Atlantic cit-ay!

That's right, suckers.

Jake and I are going on the coolest vacation ever.

Official trip nickname:

AC/DC.

Atlantic City Dudes Club.

Yeah. That's gonna change.

But check it out, Sarge.

Boyle and I are staying at...

Damn.

This place is luxe.

Yeah, I've been trying to get Jake down there forever.

Had I known all it'd take was a few broken bones,

I would've hit him with a baseball bat years ago!

Mm-mm.

Sarge, it's a spa and a casino.

A spasino!

One of the room service options

is a carving station.

And what's this?

I'm using a blanket as a napkin.

That's fancy. That's fancy.

Real fancy.

All right.