The Unicorn

Delia, this outfit, does it make it look

- like I'm trying too hard? - Honey,

do you remember when my mother thought she was the first person

to discover Bitmojis?

- (LAUGHS): Yeah. - Yeah. This is like that.

Except I can't block it.

I'm just so nervous, you know? I...

I'm trying to get a job at this company,

and the oldest person there is, like,

15 years younger than I am.

You've got this. Just breathe. Calm.

- Centered. - Nobody in the history

of humanity has ever been calmed or centered by that gesture.

- Okay. - Oh, hey,

hey, what about the beanie?

It's got a picture

of a little beanie on it.

That's meta. Young people live for meta.

Honey, I'm sorry, but you are really overthinking this.

Age is just a number.

It doesn't mean anything.

You just got to believe in yourself and your skills.

And your...

beautiful, shiny head.

- (PHONES RING) - Hmm.

_

FORREST (ON SPEAKERPHONE): I'm just worried

because Jill's birthday hit Wade so hard last year.

Poor guy. Wouldn't leave the cemetery for hours.

I would check on him, but...

I-I can't, you know, 'cause... Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Ear things down.

Ben. Hey, Ben.

Hang on, okay? Don't hang up.

I'm gonna go ahead and hang up now.

I will get Michelle to check in

on Wade, though. She's free.

Ben?

Ben.

Oh, I'm free? Sure.

All I've got to do is

drop off four kids, grab Kai's cap and gown,

and decorate for his graduation party tomorrow.

I'd check in on Wade myself,

but I have to work.

I mean... clearly motherhood is work.

More flexible hours.

Or less. (GROANS)

- I should stop talking. - Yes, you should.

But I'll go check on Wade.

Ben?

Ben, you there?

This could not be any worse! Grace.

You need to open the door.

I'm sure the dress looks wonderful.

It's a disaster! Justin can't see me like this.

Do you really think Justin can see me like this?

I can't see you like this.

Will you please just open the door?

You-you look great.

Really? This is what looks great,

the fact that you can see my bra?

Is that what you're saying looks great? That's weird.

- I didn't say that. - So you're saying I look great

as long as I'm standing against a wall?

So I should just stand against a wall the entire night tonight?

- That's your solution? - Yes, that's my solution.

That is so not funny!

Grace, come on, I'm just...

She's been acting like this all week.

Do you think she's on drugs?

Worse. She's a teenager.

Oh, my God.

Oh! My-my...

my lips are on fire.

You kissed me right on my acne medicine.

What... Since when do you have acne?!

Wade?

Hey, hey, hey. Come in.

Oh, am I interrupting?

No, no, not at all.

I was just checking on you,

with Jill's birthday and everything.

Thank you. We're...

- we're doing okay. - Okay, well,

when I saw the thing on Facebook...

I know. Yeah.

I thought about closing the account, but...

people leave such nice messages.

Oh, what are they writing? Ooh, sorry. I didn't mean to look at that.

Oh, no, no, no. That's-that's fine.

What you do when you're alone, that's your business.

It's not porn, Michelle.

I'm bra shopping.

- Okay. - For Grace.

So that she can look good

- for some horrible boy. - (CHUCKLES)

I mean, I shouldn't say that.

I'm sure he's a very nice guy. But I hate him.

- On principle. - I mean, I can't believe it.

I mean, it wasn't that long ago that all she wanted to do

on Friday nights was curl up on the couch with me,

eat ice cream and watch terrible Tinker Bell movies.

- Yeah. Time flies. - Yeah.

Speaking of, I have to go save some seats for Kai's graduation.

Preschool parents are jackals.

Can someone please bring Eli a Gatorade?

I need a urine sample from him, and he's given me nothing.

- What's going on? - The rep from Vizor Pharma

is here, and you're blocking my view.

Okay, guys, are we in an office,

or is this a...

Oh.

That's an... attractive man.

Can I interest any of you in a pop socket or a stress ball?

I'll take both. (CHUCKLES)

How about you, Dr. Delia?

: You...

No, that's what my patients call me.

You just call me Delia, or just whatever.

Well, you know, old habits die hard.

That's true, th-that's true, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What... what are we... what are we talking about?

I was your patient.

Ted Lasker.

Teddy Lasker?

Who used to put the Hot Wheels up your... ?

- Yep. That was me. - Wh...

You're so...

big now.

Big.

Big boy.

Ah.

Oh, good. I didn't miss anything.

You missed Kai having a meltdown

because his robe was itchy.

- Hmm. - And Kai refusing to look at the camera

for his picture, and Kai's slap fight

with his best friend Lucas.

Okay, I get it. I'm sorry.

- But on the upside... - Hmm?

: ... this is the last kid in preschool.

Meaning?

Meaning starting this fall,

they'll all be in school seven hours a day.

Think of all the extra time you'll have.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Just emotional that little Kai

is about to be a graduate.

Preschool graduate.

- (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, girls!

Hey, Dad. - Grace, I got bras.

Ten of 'em. They had questions

that I couldn't answer, so... I went with every possibility.

Thanks, Dad, for going to that trouble, but, um...

I've decided I'm not going to the dance.

- What happened? - Nothing happened.

I'd just rather stay at home, have some ice cream

and watch a movie. Is that okay?

Uh, of-of course that's okay.

- Yeah, whatever you want. - Cool. Thanks.

Okay.

Awesome. What are we gonna watch?

Um...

Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

How about something from this century?

And Tobin breaks free! She heads

down the field, goes for the kick and...

Oh!

You're supposed to block it!

- I did. - With your hands.

- (GROANING) - You weren't paying attention.

What's up with you?

I just wish I knew what was going on

with Grace and this dance.

I know what's going on.

Justin got pink eye.

Oh. Okay. Well,

can't she just go with her friends?

Well, she was supposed to go with Jenna and Nika,

but then Jenna and Nika, they have dates,

so then she felt like she'd be the fifth wheel,

but then she could go with Lexi, Claire and Maisie,

but then Lexi and Maisie aren't talking to each other,

so Grace would have to pick sides,

so then that leaves Audrey, Tess and Phoebe,

- but then they're like the Three Musketeers, so... - Yeah, okay, okay,

I get it, I get it... she doesn't have anyone to go with.

- Yeah. - Okay.

: Look at my little man.

Forrest?

- Huh? - Uh, Asher's ready to see you now.

Great. Here I come.

Got a little beanie on your beanie.

- It's meta. - Oh. No, I know.

All right, well, let's, get you back there.

Right. Damn it.

So, she still wants

to watch movies with you on the couch.

- That's great! - Yeah, but is it?