Heartlands

Come on.

Good, lad.

Good, mate.

Come on, lads.

Sandra.

I'll see you at 11.

Morning, bike.

Stay.

Stay.

How are you, Geoff?

Not bad, Col. How's business?

Booming.

Pretty good game last night.

Play like that, we’ll be in the Premier next season.

Yeah.

Zippy had a cracking game.

Treble 19, 10, and double 16.

Calm as a dead horse.

You did alright.

Not bad.

So, sorted out the travel plans?

Next couple of days.

Blackpool.

Athletic Arms on tour.

Deno was saying that Bristow's got arthritis again.

Has he heck.

That's what I said.

It's 'cause his missus isn't lettin' him go, you know.

"Deno, it's 'cause your missus isn't lettin' you go."

Right.

Oh, I'll catch you later, Col.

I'll be ordering your darts after.

Oh, hello.

Yes, do you stock the Power Point Darts?

Have you got 26 grams?

Oh. 23?

- Alright, Sandra? - Not bad.

- Alright, Sandra? - Not bad.

- Morning, Sandra. - Not bad.

Do they have the barrel release and flight safe as well?

Why aren't you at school?

I'm sick.

What about you?

I'm sick, too.

What about you?

Me? I'm sick.

Well, get home, then.

Have they got the retractable in the barrel

when you pull them out?

How was sleep, love?

Fine.

I had to order Geoff a set of 23s.

He don't use them. They're too light.

They didn't have the ones he wanted.

You should have rung him first. He won't want to pay for 'em.

Alright.

Well, I'll see you later.

See you later.

Six times World Champion.

The greatest player of all time.

If you want to know about darts, listen to Eric.

Game on!

Hi, I'm Eric Bristow.

I'll give some of my top tips on how to play better darts.

First we're gonna get your grip right, then your stance,

then we're gonna use your weight

in the right way to improve your game.

It's about feeling comfortable.

You must feel comfortable on the oche.

The way it is structured and remoulded

are, for the voyeur, absolutely fantastic.

Right. Your go.

Picasso says, "Any act of creation

is an act of destruction."

As soon as you painted a picture.

It's a bit like painting your bathroom wall.

It becomes something else.

Is it that easy? No, it just becomes a different colour.

A little bit further to your right.

- Where'd that go? - No, further to your right.

Hang on, Shady. Give me the dart.

I'll show you how to do it.

- Thank you very much. - You ready?

Double top.

Where'd it go?

I don't know.

Got ya!

Right. It's the Blackpool kitty.

- Here we go. - I'm getting the luxury coach.

I'm gonna put the deposit on it.

I'll give you a fiver now.

I'm getting one with a video in it.

Nice one.

What about them, you see?

- Can I get you one in, love? - Go on, then.

Do you want a drink, duck? Geoff's buying.

Oh, I'll have a pint of bitter, please.

Right, a pint of bitter.

Please, Monty.

You alright, Bob?

Only halves.

What does he mean by that, anyway?

Choose right.

Hey, love.

Where'd you spring from?

Evening, lads.

You in good nick tonight, Colin?

Need to be, with this lot.

- Play, do you? - Not much.

I don't mind watching, though.

My God, it's P.C. Road Tax.

I'm not sitting in your seat, am I?

Yes, you are.

Dear me. I am sorry.

I better move on before I get done for loitering.

Settle down.

Ready for a stuffing tonight, lads?

Visitors over there.

Nik Nik.

I'd forgotten it was that little prick.

We gotta beat this lot, lads.

Right, Colin, you're first up.

Let's get this game on.

Hello, hello, hello.

Madam, I will ask you to come quietly.

- Oh, no, I won't come quietly. - Madam!

Oh, you bastard!

"The male may be too old to produce sperm."

Bollocks.

"He may be genetically sterile.

He may have become sterile due to damage of his gonads."

"None of these are fixable.

The only solution is to find another male."

What do you reckon, Geoff?

I want us to be together, Sand.

What are you talking about?

I want us to be together when we're in Blackpool.

It could be our first trip together as a couple.

You want me to leave Colin?

Colin doesn't have owt I couldn't give you.

I couldn't keep me hands off you last night.

I noticed.

Think about walking down the Golden Mile together,

looking at the illuminations, seeing the tower.

Hey, we could go see "Grumbleweeds," couldn't we?

Yeah, we could go and see the aquarium.

Anything you want.

I do like Blackpool.

There's a look of defeat on Eric Bristow's face

as Colin the Lightning Low steps onto the oche.

These three darts could decide this year's world championships.

20. 2 darts.

He needs 19, and then double 8.

He's got the 19.

The crowd's hushed up.

Bristow shakes his head.

It's too late for that, Eric.

Double 8 for the match.

Oh, bugger.

Where does she keep the change?

See you tomorrow, Geoff.

About 9-ish.

Lights are out. Give us a kiss.

Neighbors!

Good night.

Good night.

You still up, duck?

I didn't wake you, did I?

No, no. I were up.

You alright?

What were all that about, Sandra?

What?

I saw thee. I saw it.

Saw what?

Yeah, Geoff.

You know what he's like. He were just sodding about.

Don't be daft. Come on, let's go to bed.

I left in the night, thinking he were out with his mates.

- What's going on? - Nothing's going on!

I just got a lift back, didn't I?

- What's wrong with you? - I should have bloody known.

The man has his hands on you all the bloody time.

I thought you'd have brains to know better than that.

One of me mates?

- The bloody captain! - Let me...

I just saw that, Sandra!

I saw it.

I've left him.

Geoff and me got to thinking

that we were wanting to get together.

Yeah, there's two sides to it, lads.

Me and her, yeah.

We couldn't stop it, like.

But after what she's been through at home,

that's not right for no lady.

No, no, it needs saying, duck.

If you're saying that our Colin has been a bad man at home,

then I don't believe that.

He's as calm as cow shit on the lawn.

Yeah?