Spin City

We gotta go, guys. Mike said we're dead if we're not in his office by 9:00.

Relax. He's not even here yet.

O.K., you got one lap to get in my office. Thanks, Carter.

Hey, don't mind if I do.

Aw, who puts tomato juice in a coffee cup?

all right, clear a Lane, people.

listen. I had a very relaxing weekend.

I'd like to ease into this. Everybody please be gentle.

Here's one from the spin doctors.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!

We gotta come up with a new spot for the mayor's reelection announcement.

Someplace inspiring, that says "America."

Mount rushmore.

Someplace accessible.

Mount Stacey.

Sorry. I was thinking out loud.

How about the zoo? We just dumped, like, $5 million

into refurbishing the monkey house.

$5 million?

Who do I have to fling crap at to get my computer fixed?

Having said that, I like the zoo. That's good...

central park, beautiful day, cute critters. Set that up.

Hey, sir, you all pumped up for the reelection announcement?

Well, actually, Mike...

I've decided not to run.

Sir?

I always get you with that one, don't I, Mike? (CACKLES)

Stacey, remember that sick day you took on Friday?

Yeah, Mike?

My friend Sebastian saw you at a dance club Friday night.

How'd he know it was me?

You had your tongue in his mouth.

Wanna change that to a vacation day?

You are so bush league.

Please! Like you can do better.

Don't even talk to me!

Hey, that's 2 extra days on my honeymoon, blondie,

all on Uncle Sam's dollar!

What the hell is that?

It's my family dog, rags.

Oh, he's so cute!

Aw.

Ugh!

How old is that thing?

He's only 19.

My parents were thinking of putting him to sleep,

and he's not ready for that! Not ready?

When you said "put him to sleep," his eyes lit up like he heard a can opener.

Come on, Stuart. You take this little guy out for a walk,

and the women are gonna go crazy.

Oh, yeah. "Hey, look at that guy

dragging the partially shaved sheep fetus.

Someone help me get my panties off."

Stuart, come on. Have you seen a face that beautiful before,

huh? Hey, Carter.

Nice bat.

Now, regarding our plan to announce the mayor's bid for reelection...

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Does this topic bore you?

Let me paint a picture of what your futures hold

if the mayor does not get reelected.

James, you'll be writing gags for Charlie Cheddar,

the talking cheese block at the Wisconsin state fair.

Mike, he writes his own material.

Stacey, back in Brooklyn living with your parents. Married, 3 kids.

Nikki, back in Westchester, also 3 kids.

Married?

Paul... 2 words.

Press secretary? Freak show!

Shoving pool balls in your mouth.

Mike, I can't fit a pool ball in my mouth.

Paulie.

Well...

It's really not that weird.

Stuart, I see you in a strip club.

Keep talking.

You're completely naked. I'm loving this.

You're dancing in front of a room full of sailors,

and it's "don't ask, don't tell" week.

Now, regarding our plan to announce the mayor's bid for reelection!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow.

You know, Paul, I am no snitch,

but when Mike gets back, I'm telling.

Yeah, you sing all you want, sweet cakes.

'Cause I got doctor's notes. I got x-rays. I got sworn affidavits.

I'm like eliot ness. I'm unreachable.

It's "untouchable".

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, Paul.

Oh, yeah. Uh, what is it? What do you want?

Relax. I was just wondering how you hurt your ankle.

Oh, yeah. I did it cliff diving.

Cliff diving? Why?

Did someone drop a quarter on the ocean floor?

They've got me set up by the sea lions.

I was leaning more towards the penguins.

I thought it added an air of formality to the event, but I was outvoted.

Well, sir? Yeah?

Ready to stake your claim on the next 4 years? Ready.

You'll be happy to know I set up a celebrity photo op for you later this afternoon.

Ooh! You know who it should be?

Sir, we've had the Ann-Margret discussion many times.

If it's not Ann-Margret, I'm not doing it. It's Heidi Klum.

Sports illustrated swimsuit edition cover girl.

Ann-Margret's a dinosaur.

Well, sir, this is it. Go get 'em.

Oh, you know, I shouldn't have worn this wool suit.

Feels like burlap against the old twig and berries.

It's your first lunch in your new home...

A home filled with love.

That geriatric dog of yours left a gift in my room.

Aw, did rags have an accident? Did he?

Yeah. He accidentally dropped a of couple of teeth on my bedspread.

Why do you insist on keeping this poor creature alive?

Stuart! Rags is perfectly happy.

Oh, yeah? Then why is he trying to stick his tongue in that outlet?

Rags!

So, when's he going back to your parents' house?

He isn't. This is his home now.

You can't bring home some old dog without checking with your roommate first.

Did I not call you last Saturday night

when I met Tina at the buffet?

Stuart, rags may be a little old,

but he is as young and vibrant as a puppy.

Isn't that true?

Aren't you just filled with life and love and laughter?

Aren't you just the sweetest thing?

Don't you just have lots of good stuff left?

He's got lots of good stuff left inside.

You're just a smoochie baby with a big smoochie-smoochie face,

with smoochie lips and smoochie eyes...

Way to go, Mr. mayor. That'll get us on the front page.

Let's get out of here. My whole body's chafing.

Oh! Vote Winston!

I'll be right with you, sir.

Hey, hey! Somebody stop that!

Whoa!

Agh!

Seals!

Seals! Seals!

Actually, they're sea lions.

Seals have more pronounced ear flaps.

I wish I had ear flaps.

Hey, buddy. You're a hero!

Let me get some reporters over here.

No! No, no, don't do that. I'll get in trouble.

You don't work at the zoo, do you?

You're nuts, right?

A LITTLE.

The guys want you to cover for me.

You sure about that? Sure about that?

My baby! My baby!

Hey, buddy, wait.

Give us a picture with the baby.

Mike! Mike! Mike!

Thank you. I only have one thing to say.

If you have not yet saved a baby,

I strongly suggest you do so.

Can I get you to sign this copy of your newspaper cover?

Sure. You know, for my mom.

What's her name? James.

Hey, this is amazing. I'm on the subway...

some woman tries to steal a pair of my underwear.

From your gym bag?

No.

That's why I wear 2 pair.

Funny. I thought that was a court order.

Last night was the greatest night of my life.

I walked into that bar, I... I was like a magnet.

People were coming up to me, buying me drinks, shaking my hand.

I woke up this morning... I had a hangover and a sore wrist.

Ha. Been there.

O.K. I gotta go do this TV show with the mayor.

Reschedule my conference call with the governor for 3:00.

But if the DNC can't push back to 8:00, make the governor at 5:00.

I'll stop by the dnc on my way back from coffee at the a.C.L.U.

Got it? Yeah, whatever.

I want you to watch Paul.

First one to my desk gets a free mallomar!

Thanks!

Mike, I'm gonna need a couple of hours off this afternoon.

Gotta get an MRI.

Don't get stuck in the tube.

Ha ha ha. "Stuck in the tube."

Ha ha ha. That's a good one, boss.

Untouchable.

You're not getting an MRI.

Yes, I am. MRI...

Movie, round of golf,

and if she's in the mood, intercourse with my wife.