Dangerous Animals

Looks pretty dead.

Should we just go?

Didn't book, eh?

Thought we'd just try our luck.

Wouldn't recommend it.

Especially not you.

Okay, yeah, why's that?

Last group he took out, there was a young fella--

Looked like you. College kid.

He was taking a piss off the side of the boat

and a bull shark jumped up.

Bit his dick off.

God!

Well, I don't like your chances.

Tuck only started his holidays today,

and he doesn't interrupt his hols for no one.

Speak of the devil, here he is.

Milo, shut up!

Mate, you won't need that.

We got some live chum for you here.

Ah! Who do we have here, then?

Greg.

Tucker. American?

- Canadian. - Ah, lucky escape.

And this friendly face belongs to?

- Heather. - Ah!

Let her answer for herself, Greg.

- I'm Heather. - Heather, lovely.

Let me guess-- Pom?

Oh, not bloody s'posed to say that anymore, are we?

No, it's fine. Um, English, yes.

Mate, I told them you were on hols, Tuck.

Ah, so where are you two lovebirds staying, then?

Oh, we're not together. Um...

Just-- Just staying at the hostel.

- Okay. - Sorry we didn't book.

We were supposed to go to SeaWorld with a bunch of others,

but we slept in.

It was a big night.

Yeah, I bet.

Sorry.

So, ah...

I guess no one even knows you guys are here, then.

Why?

Well, I just want to make sure

your last will and testament's in order.

We will be swimming with sharks, after all.

- Oh. - Sweet.

So, I'm seven years old.

I'm out there on my boogie board,

splashing around in the shallows, you know.

Scrawny little arms and legs kind of flapping away

and swimming out there and, I don't know,

I guess from underneath I must have looked like a seal.

Fuckin' boom!

This bloody white gets me.

- And it just let you go? - Yeah.

You are looking at a genuine walking, talking miracle.

Did it hurt?

Well, it didn't tickle.

Yeah, it didn't tickle.

Woke me up, though, you know?

I've been wide awake ever since.

And this was just random?

I mean, apparently there was a sign

about a shark sighting or something, but...

oopsie!

Wasn't there someone watching you?

Well...

Let's just say I used to spend a lot of time on my own.

I just can't believe you do this for a living.

I'd never go near water again after that.

It's not the shark's fault.

- You okay? - Yep.

- It'll be alright. - It's fine, yeah.

It's gonna be a great experience.

Yeah.

Alright, crew!

Enough foreplay. Let's, uh, get you two wet!

- Okay... - Don't worry, I got you.

Oh, my God, I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, it's a mako. Cheetahs of the sea.

I can't do it.

I-I can't--

Well, not yet, you can't.

'Cause there's still one thing we need to take care of.

Now, listen. This is a very special

ancient relaxation practice that, uh, was taught to me

and then it took many years at sea to master.

If you'll just go with me here, I promise you it'll help.

Now close your eyes.

Take a big, deep inhale.

And out.

And in.

And out.

It only works if you sing along.

Mm-hmm. Mm.

Oh, my God, that was amazing!

Shits all over Sea World, eh?

You can say that again.

Yeah, something to tell the grand-kiddies one day.

Dude. So awesome.

Yeah.

Oh, man, thanks so much for fitting us in--

Welcome aboard.

Should be there. Did you look where I said?

Yeah, I looked. I can't find the jumper cables.

Oh. Must be out, then. Sorry.

Thanks.

Don't s'pose you have any?

Nah.

What's up?

Hey, how's it going?

Cracker day out there, eh?

Hey.

Me again.

Yeah, dude, I said I can't help you.

Ah, you really don't have jumper cables?

For this? - What can I say?

I live life on the edge.

I think the cashier might want to see that security footage.

Are you serious?

Is this really what you're doing?

You're blackmailing me.

Well, I just need to get to my car.

I've walked like ten blocks and I can't find any.

Look, I'm not a serial killer, okay?

Promise.

Aisle or window?

I have-- I have this theory

that, um, aisle people are more... open and friendly

whereas, uh, window people are more, um...

private and thoughtful.

Getting major window vibes.

Is this a Mormon thing?

'Cause I'm not joining, so you can save it.

Why-- Why would you think I'm a Mormon?

Dude, you look like you stepped out of The Book of Mormon.

Okay, yeah. No, I'm, uh...

I'm in real estate.

Great.

Selling apartments, not eternal salvation.

Can you just shut the fuck up?

Ah, yep.

Yep.

- Nice wheels. - That was my mum's.

You know, she gave me a good deal.

Is that your mom's, too?

So, where you been surfing?

Oh, ah, Snapper, mostly. It's been good.

The peak's a little shifty, though.

Yeah.

Do you want to know a local secret?

Okay.

You can't tell a soul, though.

Window person, remember?

Yeah. Right.

Okay, well, next time you paddle out,

you want to look to shore for the blue bench.

Right, you wanna sit right in the middle of that bench.

You'll double your wave count.

Thanks.

And look, for the record, I...

I never would have narked about the Slurpee.

No, yeah, I probably shouldn't have

judged a book by its cover, so... we're good.

Moses Markley.

- Zephyr. - Nice to meet you, Zephyr.

Now go start your car.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes! You're a lifesaver.

- You bet. - Thank you.

You a Creedence fan, huh?

Hell yeah. Are you into 'em?

Yeah, sure, just not this song.

What's-- What's wrong with "Ooby Dooby"?

Dude, you have "Fortunate Son,"

about poor kids fighting rich people's wars.

And then you have "Long As I Can See the Light,

about, like, an outsider searching to feel understood.

And...

And then you have "Ooby-fuckin'-Dooby,"

you know, about some goofy-ass dance.

I just, I don't know. Yeah, it's a bad song.

Objectively. - Okay.

The dance is a metaphor.

The song's about love. - Wow.

It's about that "ooby dooby" feeling you get in your heart...

- Okay. - ...when you find the one,

and you just gotta go for it.

So what's the alternative?

- Ow, ow! - What, what, what, what?

What?

It's a fin key.

- Give me a number. - No way.

Oh, come on, I won't judge. Promise.

Okay.

Nine.

Nine! Fuck.