Courting Alex

Oh, God, I can't believe it's 3:00 in the morning.

Hey, Stephen, do sections D through K check out?

- Stephen. - He's asleep.

Oh, he's so sweet!

Give me that magic marker.

- What are you doing? - Drawing a mustache on you.

Could you give me something cool like a goatee?

Okay, that's it, everybody. Go home.

I really owe you guys, giving up your Friday night.

Stephen, you were going to meet an old college buddy or something, right?

Actually, sir, I had

to cancel a blind date with a former Miss Pennsylvania.

Oh, you're serious.

Chin up, son.

I've found that beauty queens don't look that great close up, anyway.

Yeah, I wouldn't know, sir.

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

Well, I locked up the tavern. You ready?

Translation: She can't believe she has to take a cab all the way to her place.

I speak Alex.

Well, how about this: let's stay at my place.

Oh, you're serious.

Yeah. we never stay at my place.

You have that lumpy mattress.

Alex, it's 3:00 in the morning. My place is right around the corner.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm so tired I could sleep anywhere.

Ah! That's it!

- You're getting a new mattress. - What?

Oh, you can't sleep either?

Transcript: RaceMan - Synchro: jh26

I just want to make sure you're really okay with buying a non-lumpy mattress.

Hey, I want you to be able to spend the night at my place.

I like morning sex.

I mean, I want you to be comfortable.

If you like that one, try the inner spring. It's this one right here.

Costs a little more, but it's worth it.

- We can just roll over there. - I'll race you.

I'll be over here if you need me.

- Alex. - Michael!

Hi!

Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything.

Oh, no, you didn't.

He's one of the salesmen here. They're really aggressive.

Michael, this is my boyfriend, Scott.

Hey.

So how are you?

- Good. - Good!

Good.

- Good! - Yeah.

- Well, it was nice seeing you, Alex. - You, too, Michael.

- Take care. - Okay. - See ya.

That was kind of funny, running into my ex-boyfriend like that.

You okay?

Man, this is kind of tough.

Look, it was a long time ago and it was not a serious relationship.

Oh, no! I meant, how do you ever choose a mattress?

Memory foam is great, but this inner spring stuff-- this is a lot of fun!

I just thought maybe you were a little jealous.

You know, cause that was Michael.

Michael Robbins?

We dated for six months. I told you about him.

Man, I really got to listen when you talk.

Look, I'm sorry, Alex. I'm just not the jealous type.

I couldn't agree more. Jealousy is stupid.

But, I mean...

you would only be human, you know, if you felt...

something.

Yeah, you're right.

I am starting to feel something.

I'm going to go kick that guy's ass.

See? That's all I wanted.

That was a successful shopping day.

Yeah, but there's only two of us.

Why do we need eight pillows?

Because they're pretty and decorative, and...

they can be kicked off the bed during morning sex.

I love 'em!

You know, this place is really coming along--

a new mattress, you got a nice, comfy couch,

your souvenir from lamp day at Yankee Stadium...

Yeah, you just press that ball and it plays that tune...

I know.

I know.

Well, I better get to the bar.

Saturday night shift starts soon.

You sure you don't mind waiting for the new mattress?

No. Worked till 3:00 a.m. last night. I could use some time to decompress.

Hey, I had fun today.

Yeah. Me, too.

It was kind of nice going mattress shopping together.

I think that's a big step in a relationship.

Me, too.

Actually,

it's a first for me.

I've never gone furniture shopping with someone I was dating before.

Well, I better get to the bar.

Have you gone furniture shopping with a girlfriend before?

Uh, yeah.

Oh. With who?

Uh, Lisa

back in Montana.

Lisa... Oh, wasn't she the one with the psoriasis?

What? I listen when you talk.

All right, well, Eddie's at the bar by himself, so I...

So what did you guys buy?

Uh... a couch.

This couch?

Y up.

Oh! It's nice.

Come on, Alex. It was no big deal.

We just got sick of living in a place with a crummy couch.

Oh. You never mentioned that you and itchy lived together.

We weren't really living together.

Her lease ran out. She needed a place to crash for a while.

A while being...?

A couple of months.

12...

18 months.

Really?

That's funny, uh...

You never mentioned it before.

Well,

Alex, it never came up.

- And besides, I'm telling you now. - Oh, that's true. True.

Oh, no!

The pillows do not match the couch.

Meaning...?

Well, something's got to go. And there's eight pillows. There's only one couch.

- Alex, are you jealous of my couch? - No!

Okay, a little.

It's just now every time I look at it, I think about Lisa.

Khaki, microsuede Lisa.

Alex, trust me on this. I don't...

when I look at this couch, I don't see Lisa.

I see a comfortable place to stretch out and take a nap.

- Really? - Yes, that's it.

Well, maybe I am being silly. It is just a couch.

Go to work.

I'm fine.

-All right. - Yeah.

- Can't wait to see you later. - Oh, me, too.

I was talking to the couch.

- Kidding. - Oh, I know! It's a good one.

You did that on purpose!

Oh! Thank you for coming over.

Hey, nice place.

I've been stuck here waiting for Scott's mattress to be delivered.

Just me and that slutty couch.

Oh, so this is the troublesome little minx.

Oh, well, I can see why you're jealous. She is

very alluring.

Soft, supple...

Magnificent pillows.

You know, I think these are real.

Should I leave you two alone?

Yeah, just dim the lights and put on some Barry White.

- Come on, have a seat. - I'm fine.

Alex, sit on the damn couch.

- Why give it the satisfaction? - You are being ridiculous.

All right.

Alex, it's a couch, not a public loo. Sit!

Oh...

I have to get up.

Mattress delivery.

If you want us to haul away the old one, It'll be an extra 20 bucks.

Fantastic.

Look, I do understand your problem. I went through the same thing.

- You did? - Yeah. I was dating Gladys.

Trust me, it's a very sexy name in England.

Anyway, she used to wear this bustier,

which she had been given by her former boyfriend Simon.

But I didn't resent that. In fact,

I reaped the rewards on a regular basis.

Till, of course, she left me and went back to Simon.

She left you?!

No, you're right-- this is a terrible story to be telling you.

Maybe you should just have them haul the couch away, too.

Oh, I couldn't do that.

Could I?

Cost you an extra 20. I got plenty of room on the truck.

Do it!

What?! Alex, I was kidding! You can't do this.

- Why? - Well, what would you tell Scott?

I'd probably just distract him by taking my top off.

I'm not letting you do this! Put it down!

What if he's holding on to the couch because he still has feelings for her?

Guys?

He lived with the woman for a year and a half.

No, no, no! Wait! Let me ask you this--

- where is this Lisa now? - In Montana.

And where are you?

Not in Montana.

That's right. You're the one who's here

in Scott's apartment, not her.

You're right. Why should I let a stupid piece of furniture intimidate me?

Exactly.

So...?

It stays.

- But you can take that lamp. - Alex!