Taskmaster NZ

Cheehoo!

Oof!

Shame!

All right?

Whee!

- Say cheese. - Cheese.

- Kia or a koutou, and welcome to season four of Taskmaster New Zealand.

My name is Jeremy Wells,

and my face has featured throughout all promotional materials and set dressing for this show

to an almost humiliating degree,

and that is because I am the Taskmaster.

Over the next 10 episodes, we'll watch as five comedians from across the talent spectrum...

...go head to head to win a once-in-a-lifetime prize.

This solid gold statue of my head...

Ooh!

...valued at over $40 million...

Zimbabwean.

In the running for this enticing prize is our beguiling season four cast ―

Bubbah!

Dai Henwood!

Karen O'Leary!

Mel Brace well!

And Ray O'Leary!

Over the last few months, these comedians have been completing a unique series of tasks

designed to test their wits, their courage,

and how unco they are.

As always, sitting by my side and waiting patiently for his next command is my loyal human pet,

Paul Williams!

Thanks, Jeremy.

Yeah, things have been going pretty well for me this year. I've got a ponytail.

- You've grown that? - Uh, well, I've got it.

It is real.

I w― OK.

OK. Thank you.

I still have a ponytail; it's just not on.

- OK, Paul. Tell us about our first task, would ya?

- First up tonight, we have the prize task.

Everyone's brought in a prize,

and the winner with the most points at the end of tonight's episode will take home all fiveprizes.

Tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in the greatest orange thing.

Bubbah, what did you bring in?

- Ahem, so, the greatest thing that I've brought in is an orange.

But I think it's the greatest orange thing, because a billion years ago,

the world didn't have colour.

Um, because of how light reflects on things,

it was too hot for things to have colour until 75,000 years ago ―

we were at the right temperature for colour.

And the orange,

just by being itself,

is orange.

Bubbah, are you telling the truth?

Yes.

- It's true ― like, all the old photos are in black and white.

- And you know on a summer's day when it gets so hot you can't see colour any more?

- You know what, I thought at first that you'd just been incredibly lazy.

But actually, that description turns out you're really on to something.

What did you bring in, Dai?

- What I brought in was a beautiful orange thing I see every morning.

And it is my coffee machine.

- Aw. - Oh, I'll have that.

- It is a Moccamaster coffee machine made by the Germans.

They used it throughout the last century to get up and ready for various... things.

Some for good, some for bad.

I use it for― for very non-war related...

...things,

mainly for having a coffee before I walk the kids to school,

and it is a beautiful orange, and it brings happiness to myself and my whanau.

- What did you bring in, Karen? - So, what I brought in was―

You know, we know New Zealand is well known for its abundance of oversized foodstuffs ―

L&P bottles, gumboots,

but there really is one that just stands out, I think, to everybody.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I won't be, cos I'm right.

Um, yeah. So obviously, it's the Ohakune Carrot,

and obviously I did try to bring the actual carrot in.

I got in quite a lot of trouble with the police for trying to bring that,

but I did make this, and it is to scale. So, that one's small.

The other one's really big.

The best big thing we've got in New Zealand, other than you.

- What's your greatest orange thing, Mel?

- I went with something that's sort of a combination of ideas.

I thought― I was quite hungry at the time I was thinking of something.

I first― I thought of a cake, but then I went,

'Well, it's gotta be orange flavoured, but then I also have to suck up to the Taskmaster.'

So I've brought you this.

Isn't it so cute?

Who's the guy on the top?

I-I think it's John Campbell.

- Ironically, it's almost you, but weirdly, not orange enough.

Like...

But that is meant to be you, Jeremy Wells,

on top of an orange-shaped cake that is orange flavoured, so people can eat you, I guess.

- Ray? - Yes.

- What orange thing did you bring in? - I'd just like to say I wouldn't have brought this in if I'd known

it was gonna be my first impression to the audience.

What is happening?

- We've already had one Ohakune Carrot.

I'm so...

- Oh my God! - Oh!

- So, you are the greatest orange thing? - Uh, yes.

D-Do you like it?

I asked five different spray tan places to do it, and they all said no.

- So if― Whoever wins the prize task, you know how it works.

They take away all of the prizes.

- Do they? - Do they take away your skin? - Take my skin...

- Or do they take you? - Yeah, for as long as I'm orange, they can have me.

This wasn't worth it, was it?

It was beautiful, Ray.

- I think it was. I'll give you five points.

- Oh, thank God. - Yes.

- Karen, one point for you, because the thing about the Ohakune Carrot ― it's gotta be big.

Dai gets two points for the coffee machine.

Mel gets three points for the cake.

And Bubbah ―

- four. - What?

- What? - Four.

Maybe it's actually genius. - That story made us all stupider.

- Four points for you. - Thank you.

Ohh.

- All right, let's kick this party up a notch. Let's get stuck into our first task.

- It's the first proper task of the season, and this one had our contestants stumped.

Gidday, Paul. - Hello, Dai.

- Hello. - Hello, Mel.

Hello, Ray. - Hey, Paul.

- Hello, Bubbah. - Hello.

Oh, what is this?

- I'm liking the look of this. - Why's that?

- Well, I quite enjoy cricket. - Oh.

Oh no.

- You don't like cricket? - No, I love it. I don't like Jamaica.

- Why don't you like Jamaica? - Oh no, I love it. - Oh.

I don't like reggae.

- Why don't you like reggae? - Oh no, I love it. - Oh.

- This is, like, my family legacy. - Oh.

- My uncles, like, were in the Blackcaps, but my dad...

just works for HP Networking.

- I'm like a kid at Christmas with this. Right.

'Knock the balls― bails...'

Reading.

Knock the bails off the wickets from the furthest distance.

What bails, those? OK.

'Furthest distance wins.

'So you have 20 minutes...

'...or until the bails fall off.

'Your time starts...

'now.'

- You were very excited for this cricket task, Dai, I see.

- Yes. I mean, coming straight out of the gate, I love cricket.

I play cricket, so, um, I felt this was in my wheelhouse.

- Ray, you weren't so excited about the fact that this was a cricket task.

- No, I-I talked to Paul as long as I could before I had to

touch the cricket.

Touch the cricket?

Is that not a sporting term?

- Who have we got up first? - Opening the attack, it's Dai Henwood.

- I reckon you start from the bath, eh?

OK, that missed.

Lucky. It almost killed a cameraman.

I think here's safer, eh.

This is what it means to be alive, Paul. This sort of action, eh.

Yeah, dig it in.

Sorry.

- Oh, I'm just playing catch with you now.

Oh-ho-ho!

See, that's that turn I was talking about!

Oh!

I'm gonna give myself two more minutes of this length.

Oh!

Aw.

Oh.

- Oh! - Aww!

- When I'd hit the wickets like that, I usually run round screaming, 'Justice!' and, 'Storm the capitol!'

It's my thing. - You've got seven minutes and 40 seconds.

What am I doing here?

What am I doing here, Paul?

I'm embarrassing myself at every endeavour.

- You thought you were gonna be quite good at this task, didn't you?

- Yeah. That actually felt longer than the 20 minutes that it actually took.

- How far away was he when he was bowling this ball?

- Well, he started a lot further away, but the successful hit was 17.65m.

Right.

Which sounds impressive, but it is 2.5m shorter than a cricket pitch.

- Nothing like live sports to send your blood pressure through the roof, is there?

I need a couple of minutes to calm down right now,

so why don't you relax and enjoy this selection of locally-made short films?

We'll see you for more Taskmaster in just a moment.

- Wow. Welcome back. Those were some amazing commercials.

I can't wait to see more of them later.

Paul, what are we all doing here?

- Well, Jeremy, we're watching our contestants attempt to knock bails

off cricket wickets from the furthest distance.

That's right. Who do we have next?

- Have I slowly heated sugar in a saucepan until it turns into a soft, brown, chewy sauce?

Because it's time for some 'Karen-Ray-Mel.'

It's Karen, Ray and Mel.

- I might just have a quick look in the shed.

OK.

What's the rope for?

- What I'm thinking of doing is tying it to the wickets

and then just pulling it from a very far distance.

- Right. I probably don't need the helmet.