Eldritch, USA

In light of this season's heavy beaver population,

how difficult has work been given your current state?

Oh- well you see,

I got to wrap it up every day to make sure

those buggers don't try to gnaw it off...

I looked over and I saw the tree start to lean

I barely had enough time to throw the camera down and-

Ruin my interview

Naturally, I got my poor little brother

out of the way just in time

That was a close one, wasn't it, Geoff?

Sure was, Rich

Oh, yes, and let me tell you the best part

We were interviewing this logger

Sorry

He had this wooden leg, so

he couldn't really move that well

That moment I hit my-

I don't need your help here, kiddo

Oh, they think he's so dreamy

Me! Don't worry Geoff, Rich is here

It's not his fault. What can he do?

Well, when- you know

Where did you hear about this guy?

Oh, he actually contacted US with the lead- He said he

called every other news station, but that I was the only one-

Wait, so Phil didn't green light this?

Well-

Geoff, picking stories is not your strong suit

Stick to cameras Let me handle everything else

I think you should listen to this guy-

he's got a killer story, and I think he might be THE one to-

I'll be the judge of that

I guess it's up to ol' Rich to polish yet another...

Rich!

Turd

Well, this is Clyde Schaefer- Clyde, Rich, our lead reporter

Mister Brewer!

Gosh, I sure am glad that you're interested in our story

You know, exposure- That is exactly what we need

Absolutely. Clyde, I tell you, I took one look at your story

and I said to myself, now, THIS is news...

Alright, what- what he said- You're all mic'd up, let's get ready to go

Alright.

We're here at Kingdom Beyond Community, just south of Eldritch

with Elder Clyde Schaefer- Clyde, tell us about what's going on out here.

Yes, sir. Well, we have, uh, out here we are part of an amazing community

All right- And we share everything We share struggles, We share possessions,

We share wives

Wives? Is this some sort of... cult?

No- No It's a community!

Half our earnings!

They're exclusive!

We can't

Okay, so... can you tell me why you brought us out here today?

Either one'll do!

Alive OR dead? What do you mean?

Well, a ways back, we lost one of our family members unexpectedly

and then... we brought 'em back to life!

Oh, that's a wrap

Sorry

Why waste our time? If they can't prove anything, it's not news

He was so sincere, not to mention the fact that the whole group was convinced

Trust me, it's just another ploy to get more losers sucked into their cult

People can be SO self-centered

Could you imagine though, if it was true?

Like, what it would mean to the world to be able to cure death?

Even if it's partially true- which it's not-

best case scenario, we're encouraging grave robbing

But-

You and that little friend of yours need to stop reading so many comics

The dead don't come back to life, Geoff

Alright, let's get to it

Sorry about the interview, Rich

Geoffrey, you gotta vet leads before you waste your brother's time

Zombies...

Quiet

All right, well, before we get to new assignments,

I would like to welcome Jill Coleman

Jill will be interning with research, much like Tina

All right, team, let's get at it

Hey, that's a pretty cool camera

Thanks

My first was a Super 8

Whoa- old school!

Yeah- My dad and I used to make these dorky, old home movies

That's so cool- I used to do the same thing

I'm Jill, by the way

So I've heard

Oh, right

I'm Geoff- I'm one of the field producers here

So I've heard- Just out of curiosity, What was all that zombie stuff about?

Oh, that. Well, Rich and I were-

Your brother, right?

Right. We were interviewing some guy out in the sticks

who said he'd raised someone from the dead

What? Where did you find a crazy lead like that?

Some guy just called the station and said he had something big

to share with the world. I wish I could-

Find someone to offer a tour to this lovely lady? Rich Brewer,

I'm sure you've heard of me. What was your name again?

Uh, Jill Coleman

Oh, Jill- please

Geoffrey- You're right. On paper, you're the most qualified-

By a mile. Mile and a half, even.

But...

The public knows Rich. They see his face all the damn time-

He's got a fan page, for crying out loud

It's just a group of housewives with nothing better to do than-

They have a float with his frickin' face on it, Geoffrey

He's his own biggest fan.

He's an Eldritch icon, and the board isn't willing to upset the core viewers

Right

Look, I'll make a second push for you, all right?

But at least three of the women and one of the men on the board

is in his little fan club, so... there's no guarantees, all right?

But- stay optimistic. It's good for everyone else's morale

Thanks, Phil

Mm-hm

But don't hold your breath, all right? Hang in there

Wanna play on the teeter-totters?

Really? that's-

His LEAST favorite part of the playground, but I like it

Geoff?

Geoff?

Geoff!

Are you all right, man? You keep spacing out

I just can't get over how Rich snaked that promotion from me

It's not a done deal yet. Besides, why do you keep

hanging out with the one person that makes you so miserable?

I'm a victim of circumstance. There are only so many field reporters

and the news station keeps pairing us up

What about you? How's your blog?

Oh, it's going all right, but... I'm pretty sure my nemesis

is the one person that keeps trolling me on there

You've got to stop referring to her as your nemesis, man

What else am I supposed to call her, huh? I mean, ever-

ever since she found out that I still live with my mom-

And that you don't have a license

She keeps posting shit about me on the forum. That was bad enough,

but now it's on my personal blog? Like, I don't care if you're eight-

you need an ass kicking

Can you stop saying those kinds of things in public?

Keep it in the ring. When's your next tournament?

It's, uh, this weekend?

Dude, you promised to come up with me this weekend

I cannot spend the next two days with just my parents and Rich

Like, I don't have a choice, though. With the shit she's been throwing my way

I gotta put her down

Besides, I paid already, so

I cannot believe you're putting this dumb rivalry over my sanity

I thought we were friends, man

You're just jealous that I have two girls in my life

and you can't even get one

Right- I'm jealous of your pre-teen nemesis and your mom

There was a new girl at work today, though

The scary one?

Ugh- no, not Tina. Jill.

She seems to know a lot about cameras

Oh, then you MUST be interested. She hot?

Doesn't even matter. Rich took her on a tour of the station

So?

I just know how these things wind up. What do I have

to offer that Rich can't do better?

Hmm- Yeah, that's a good point. I can't really think of anything

Thanks

Oh, come on, man. Look, Rich can't see anything past his own reflection

So if you show this girl just an ounce of depth, I'm pretty sure she'll dig you

Shit, is that the time? My mom's been waiting in the parking lot for

like, 10 minutes- She's going to be pissed

Dude, why don't you just get your own license?

It gives me an excuse to drink as much as I want.

Have you ever heard of ridesharing?

Is that like the bikes with the two seats for like, two people?

You're- you're messing with me

And then like, like the family...