Curb Your Enthusiasm

Cheryl, come here for a second.

What?

Look at this.

- What's going on? - Yeah, what's going on?

What is going on?

It's just material. Yeah, I know.

- Really, look at these pants. - I've seen pants bunch up before.

I have never seen a bunch-up like this in my life.

This is like a five inch bunch-up.

- You don't have to play with it. - Maybe it's not such a bad thing.

You want people to think you constantly have an erection?

- Is it bad to walk around like that? - Yeah, it is.

Hey, um, you want to go to that Dustin Hoffman movie tonight?

It's Monday. What do I do on Monday nights?

- I don't know. You take a bath? - Yoga.

You don't have to do it every Monday.

- Yes, I do. - I don't have anybody to go with.

Go by yourself.

- Maybe I'll call Richard Lewis. - Call Richard.

Richie boy!

What are you doing?

Well, I was thinking about going to see that Dustin Hoffman movie.

You're kidding? Yeah, at the Crest.

Yeah, okay, I'll... Sure, no, I don't care, that's fine.

Nine o'clock.

Okay.

I'll see you later, probably. I'm not sure if I'm going still.

Otherwise, I'll see you on Saturday night. Alright, bye.

So, is he going?

Yeah, he's going, but, you know, he's got a date.

- Is this his new girl? - Yeah.

We're having dinner with them on Saturday.

- Right, what is she like? - I don't know, I've never met her.

He could've invited me. What's the big deal?

- He's going to the same movie... - You just said he had a date.

Well, so what?

You don't ask somebody to go to the movies when you have a date.

Here.

Hello?

Hey, Nancy. Oh, just hanging around, talking to Larry.

What are you doing? Oh, really? You know what?

You should go to the movies with Larry.

Yeah. He's going to that, uh...

That Dustin Hoffman movie.

He would love to go with you. This is perfect, hold on.

She wants to go.

She wants to go.

Hello?

- (MALE) Hello? How you doing? - Hey, Jeff!

I can't believe I got you in your car.

I'm your manager, I'm always available.

I love that.

- What's going on? - I'm going to the movies.

Who you going with?

My wife tells her friend that I'm looking

for somebody to go to the movies with.

Now I'm going to the movies with my wife's friend,

who I find really annoying.

Forget about all that tonight. You wanna play golf this weekend?

I don't know, I'll have to ask Hitler.

(FEMALE) Hitler?

- (FEMALE) Who's he talking about? - Hey, who's in your car?

just my parents, they're in town.

Well, get me off the speaker phone, please?

Hold on. Now you're off the speaker phone.

What's the matter with you? I thought I was having a private conversation!

I didn't know anybody else was in your car!

- Hold on one second. - Relax back there, relax!

- Hello. - Oh, forget it.

- I'll talk to you tomorrow. - Alright, call me tomorrow, bye.

Goodbye.

Excuse me.

- Is that a problem for you? - Excuse me.

- Yeah, that's exactly right. - Could you be a little bit nicer

- and just go by? - I'm just trying to get by.

I'm sitting here, and you could enter the other way, please?

- Could you just move your legs? - What are you doing?

You're looking at my breasts.

I'm not looking at your breasts, I'm trying to get to my seat.

- He's looking at my breasts. - You and your special breasts.

- Just excuse me, please? - Please, just go by...

Without stepping on my foot.

You wear that dress 'cause you want people to look at your shoes, right?

- Is that it? - Prick!

Can you believe that? Did you hear that?

- I did. - Jerk.

- I hate her. - What a sick...

I hate her, man.

She doesn't even move her knees to let somebody in?

She's sitting on the aisle.

She doesn't expect somebody to come in?

Oh, I'm so sorry, you okay? You alright?

You got really upset, didn't you? Well, don't worry, it's over now.

Oh, shit, there she is.

Yo, D! You came!

This is one of my best friends. This is Larry David.

- Nice to meet you. - This is Sofia.

- And, uh... - Nancy.

- Nancy? - I'm a huge fan of yours.

- You're so funny. - Well, you know...

Only on deeply religious holidays.

- Did you like the film? - Yeah, not bad.

- Oh, it was great. - It was fabulous.

Why don't we go, you know, let's get a little cappuccino and some pizza.

- On me, on me! - It's too late for cappuccino.

I'll be up until five in the morning if I have a cup of coffee now.

Did you ever hear the word, decaf?

Decaf doesn't work that well. That'll keep me up until two.

I get the distinct feeling that I'm, like, Himmler's ghost.

It's late anyway, I'm going to go home.

What about dinner? Are we still on for dinner Saturday?

We're going out with the Davids Saturday night.

- We're going to meet his wife. - Oh.

We're going to go out and...

Let's make it a leisurely dinner, if you don't mind.

What does that mean? Leisurely?

Well, somewhere between two and 20 hours.

- I don't know. - I don't know what that means.

I love you, nice to meet you. Hope I see you again.

Alright, I'll see you Saturday. You sure everything's alright?

- Yeah. - Alright.

- Hey! - Hey!

- How was the movie? - Oh, not bad.

So, not quite sure how to tell you this,

but I think your friend Nancy thinks she got me aroused in the movie.

Why would she think that?

Because of the tent in the pants, and she looked down.

- No. - Yeah.

She thought that there was some garbage there.

She looked over and she looked at your crotch?

She looked at it. She looked down.

What was her reaction?

- Like it was awkward. - There was a little twinkle, yeah.

You're sure that she looked over and thought that you were excited?

90% sure. Can't be 100% sure, I'm 90% sure.

That's really weird. It's very creepy.

- I told you about these pants! - I know, it's just material.

- It's obvious... - It's not obvious!

Look, look!

So, she didn't say anything to you about it?

- You didn't say anything... - No, there was no time,

the movie started.

- And you weren't. - What?

- You weren't aroused. - No, look at this!

- I'm just making sure. - I told you about these pants!

But you didn't believe me, you scoffed.

Because any idiot could tell that was just material.

She's your friend.

- Well... Maybe I'll call her. - No, no, no.

No, don't do that, that's crazy.

By the way, I've got some more news, too.

You know, in case this wasn't enough for you.

We're not going out to dinner with Richard Lewis and his girlfriend

- on Saturday night. That's out. - Why?

I got in a fight with his girlfriend...

- Before the movie started. - Larry, why?

How in the world could you get in a fight with Richard's...

it wasn't my fault. I was trying to get to my seat

and she wouldn't let me go, and we got... he wasn't there.

I'll tell you about it, I just have to go to the bathroom.

Jeff called and left a message on the machine.

And he said that he's sorry.

- What does that mean? - I don't know.

If he leaves a message saying he's sorry, you don't know what it means?

He's sorry about what happened?

Like you knew, you would know what that message meant.

- What happened? - That's weird, I have no idea.

- You have no idea what happened? - No.

He would just leave a message saying...

I'm thinking about it. I don't even know what he's talking about.

I'll talk to him tomorrow.

- Strange night, huh? - Yeah, very strange.

Hello? Yeah.

Um, do you know how much longer he's going to be?

Okay.

It was really uncool to leave that message, "I'm sorry", on my machine,

because my wife asked me.

"What is he sorry about?" and I had no answer.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not going to say that I called her "Hitler",

and your parents heard it in the car.

- No. - Hello?

Okay, you know what? I'm just going to call back. Okay?

And the thing is, she's going to ask me again.

Well, we'll think of something.

What are you writing?

I'm writing Kathy Griffin a letter of apology.

- Why? What did you do? - We did nothing to each other,

but just every week I end up writing her an apology letter.

What a job you have. You have to write people letters?

- I know. It's crazy. - It's ridiculous.

Kathy Griffin's the only one who doesn't understand.

What if Kathy Griffin called you up and said

that she wanted me to write a pilot for her,

and you said, no, I wasn't available, without consulting me.

If my wife ever asks me again, which I'm sure she will,

that's what I could tell her. That's why you said you were sorry.

Great, great, wonderful.

- You like that? - Yes, very much.

- Yeah, it's quite good, isn't it? - So, we're lying together.