Love, Wedding, Marriage

- Ava, we've been dating for 2 1/2 years,

and what I'm about to say, I've considered very seriously.

I sound like a lawyer.

I look in your eyes, and I drown in them.

Drown in them?

Babe, you know I'm bad with telling you how I feel.

Will you be my wife?

Will you marry me?

Can we get married?

Ava.

You can do this.

It's, like, the little things that I really love.

I find it so adorable

that you can't make a decision

without consulting your horoscope.

I love that you watch the same sad movie over and over again,

hoping for a happy ending.

I love how you make your coffee.

I love you, Ava, and I don't want to spend another day

without knowing if you'll be my wife.

So will you do me this honor?

Will you marry me?

- Brittany, Brittany, this is Ryan.

Trust me, you two have a lot in common.

Good to see you.

Where is Ava? Go find your sister.

All rise.

- Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life.

I was marrying the man of my dreams,

and our happily ever after was about to begin.

Charlie and I met once upon a time,

when I was getting my PhD in psychology at Berkeley

and he was working at a vineyard in Napa.

We fell in love on the very first date.

He took me to an art fair in San Francisco.

The next day, he surprised me with a painting I had admired,

and I was hooked.

I believe lasting love is possible

because of my parents.

Their 30-year union

is the reason I became a marriage counselor

and why I was ready to make the commitment myself.

Mazel tov!

And that dimpled smile doesn't hurt.

So embarrassing.

Thank you.

I love you both. I love you both.

I've known him my whole life,

and I still love you.

I can't even say that about anyone else,

like, not even my own parents.

- Okay, we love you too, Gerber.

- No, love, man. Love.

That's what it's all about.

You know, from now on,

I'm gonna be a one-woman guy.

- Per week? - I'm serious.

Uh, hello? We didn't actually...

There he goes.

- Shelby, are you, like, avoiding me?

Come on, we were in the middle of talking about horses.

I love horses.

- You ready to get out of here, Mrs. Dalton?

I should warn you:

I've been saving a few tricks for the honeymoon.

- Let's go. - Okay.

Ready?

Yeah!

Oh! Oh, you got smoked.

In your face. You got rocked.

- Black. Two sugars.

- Two orders, wheat toast with mayo.

Yum. - The only way to eat toast.

Your horoscope says,

"Today your positive mental energy

will ensure that everything goes your way.

Take advantage of your good luck."

That's great.

Maybe that means this year's harvest

will be the vineyard's best vintage ever.

Fingers crossed.

How about you skip out early,

take advantage of me tonight?

- Oh, I could cancel my last couple.

I'll reschedule my afternoon.

See you at 6:00.

Let's take a minute to validate those feelings.

It sounds like Lloyd is feeling angry

because Courtney took advantage of his credit card.

- She didn't take advantage of it.

She raped it. At Saks.

She roofied it, bent it over, and...

- Okay. Courtney raped your credit card.

And Courtney is still angry

because you slept with another woman.

- "A slutty, trashy whore" were my exact words.

- Obviously Courtney still has some unresolved issues

about the affair.

But 9 grand on shoes?

Why should I suffer

just because you're not rich like my father?

- If your father's so great, why didn't you marry him?

He wasn't available.

- I want you to think back to when you first met.

What attracted you to one another?

And I want you to make a list of all of the qualities

that made you want to get married.

The key to a successful marriage

is to find those qualities

that make you fall in love with your spouse

all over again every day.

- Oh, I know they're here somewhere.

Where are they? Ugh.

Shelby, what are you doing?

- Where do you keep all your stuff?

- What stuff? - The meds!

- I'm a psychologist, not a psychiatrist.

I can't prescribe meds.

Jesus, Ava.

That's the only reason I took this job.

- I'm not even sure they've invented a drug

to begin tackling your issues.

Don't judge my pain.

You're my sister.

Can't you at least refer me to someone?

- If I referred you to a psychiatrist,

they'd have you committed.

Would there be meds involved?

And a straightjacket

Did you mail out those invitations for me?

- For Mom and Dad's surprise party?

Yes.

- I got the guest list right here.

Thank you.

Glad that's not my next client.

- Darlings. - Hi.

- Hi. What was all the yelling about?

- Just your mother's normal kvetching

- Oh, would you stop talking like that?

This isn't a production of Fiddler On The Roof.

Would you just relax

and stop acting like some kind of meshuggener

in front of our daughters?

- What does that even mean? Jesus!

Jewish.

- Okay, can we just take this into my office, please?

Right into my office. Thank you.

Come on.

All right.

Bradley, Betty,

why don't you calmly express what's upsetting you?

- Well, I didn't want to have to tell you this, Ava...

- No, Betty. Don't tell her.

It'll break her heart.

I want a divorce.

What?

- Both of you- everyone, take a seat.

Ooh, everybody calm down and take a breath.

Okay.

Betty, what triggered this decision?

- Your sack-of-shit father cheated on me.

We were separated.

We were separated at the time.

- Yeah, but he still managed to knock me up.

Did we conceive Shelby before or after your affair?

- Oh, my God. Dad, explain.

You were about three years old

when we were relocated to London for my job,

and I was working overtime.

It was hardly a recipe for a happy marriage,

so we decided to separate...

- Which for your father meant doing it

With the first woman he could find...

a minor detail he waited 25 years to tell me.

- Okay, I hear you. I understand.

You feel betrayed,

and I'm not minimizing what happened 25 years ago,

but is it really worth throwing away

along and happy marriage?

- What makes you think that I've been happy?

Well, of course we're happy.

Well, of course you're happy.

I've spent the best part of my life

catering to your adulterous ass.

Now it's my turn. I want to feel sexy.

I want to- I want to have adventures.

- Okay. Okay, Betty.

We're making some progress.

I want you both to close your eyes,

take a deep breath,

and let's try and reconnect

with some of those feelings you had

when you first decided to get married.

- Ava, this Berkeley bullshit isn't gonna work on me.

Mom!

Look, I'm sorry, darling,

but I'm not gonna take marital advice

from my 28-year-old newlywed daughter.

I'm a professional.

- And you're a hopeless romantic.