black-ish

An American honor.

One of the cornerstones of our democracy.

that's a small price to pay

to live in a fair and just society.

But since the government

is too cheap to pay for certified mail,

there's no way to prove I got this.

- - Which is good, 'cause jury duty sucks.

- - Florescent lighting.

Crappy parking.

A one-way map to the nearest lunch spot.

But mostly, jury duty is sitting in a room all day

with a bunch of weirdos

who live for the opportunity to judge others.

String him up! Shoot him out back!

Ma'am, for the last time, this is traffic court.

And your left breast has been exposed for two hours.

My le...

Oh.

Oh, well...

Justice doled out at a buck-80 an hour...

you get what you pay for.

How you doing?

That's why I have joined

millions of other patriotic Americans

in saying, "Screw jury duty."

Good news, Dad.

You accidentally put this in the shredder,

but I was able to reassemble it

and put your juror number in the online system.

Why?

Why would you do this? Huh? Why would you do any of this?

No need to thank me,

but I also called to confirm they received it.

They did,

so 7:00 a.m. sharp, Temple Street Courthouse.

Be there or be square...

and in contempt of court.

Mu...

I have copies.

Oh, there's the face of a civic warrior!

Look at you.

Yes, look at me. I'm a weirdo.

You made me a weirdo.

I befriended someone today who I believe lives outside.

Told me he was gonna friend me on Facebook

on the library's computer.

Good news is you did it.

- So you're all done now. - No.

I'm not all done. It's just the beginning.

They chose me. I'm on the jury.

Moneyball! High-five!

Ha, yeah!

Dad.

Rainbow: Dre, come on.

I don't think jury duty's gonna be that bad.

I missed my fantasy-basketball draft.

Do you know how hard it is

to recover from computer selections?

I have four centers... four!

I don't... Is that something... We don't want that?

Junior: Dad, it's worth it.

The criminal-justice system is broken.

Public defenders have impossible caseloads.

In some states, they only have about seven minutes

- to prepare for a case. - Seven?

Hey, Junior, come here for a second.

Come here. Can you do me a huge favor?

- Yeah. - Shut up!

Oh.

- Not today, big guy. - Get him.

Another insane fact...

97% of prisoners accepted plea deals

rather than going on trial.

The system needs you, Dad.

The odds are stacked against the accused,

who often lack the resources

required for an adequate defense.

Somebody's been watching documentaries again, huh?

- Yes, I have. -

More documentaries.

Every time you watch one, you ruin my life.

Remember "Super Size Me"?

I just saved you 600 low-quality calories.

You're welcome, Dad.

Well, I'm not sorry you have to do your civic duty.

This is a real person who deserves a fair trial

and is entitled to a jury of his own peers.

I wish I could kill you.

But that would just send another poor bastard to jury duty.

Oh.

Junior: Going... Oh, I'm hitting the combo.

- Nope, nope. - Can't get out of this one.

- Oh, oh, oh! - No.

Boom! Got you!

you, Junior. You killed me.

Hey! Seth! Language!

We don't talk like that.

This is an "Oh, fudge" house.

- Sorry, Mrs. Johnson. - Whew, it's been a long time

since I handed down the punishment of the Lord.

Ooh. Black Jesus, please don't let me...

follow through too hard on the white neighbor lady's child.

- Okay. - No, let me throw it.

No. No, no, no. Okay, it's handled.

- - It's handled.

Hey.

What up, Rainbow?

- Hi. - I'm here for Seth.

We're going to the Kanye West concert.

Yeah, that feels right.

- Seth, let's wrap it up! - Okay, just why don't you come on in?

- It's Yeezy time! - Seth: Okay.

Hey, hey, Janine,

can I talk to you for one little, quick second?

Please don't take this the wrong way,

but I'm a little bit concerned.

Your son could have,

like, a bright future as a dock worker.

Kid's got a real mouth on him.

Yeah, he certainly does.

No, no. Cursing is just a form of self-expression.

I find that it allows my baby boy

to feel more comfortable sharing with his mama.

- - Here, watch this.

Hey, Seth, how many kids in your class are having sex?

- Wha... - Five.

But not me. I'm only doing top stuff.

- Mm. - Ohh.

Well, I obviously know Junior very well, too.

We are incredibly close.

- And without the use of profanity. - Mm-hmm.

You do know that he curses when he's at my house.

That's impossible.

We... This is an "Oh, shucks" house.

We don't... What is that?

Get that out of my house!

- Whew! - Oh!

- Okay. - Shucks.

Ooh-kay.

On the bright side, I guess the two

could carpool to the docks together.

- Ow! - Ooh!

Oh, no.

Don't do that.

Okay, so maybe they can make me sit here,

but they sure as hell can't make me listen.

Narrator: And welcome back

to Andy Richter narrating "Rich Dad Poor Dad."

Junior: This is not just a jury summons.

This is a real person who deserves a fair trial.

Judge: Mr. Antoine Jeffries,

you're charged with burglary and grand larceny.

How do you plead?

Uh...

Public defenders have impossible caseloads.

In some states, they only have about seven minutes

- to prepare for a case. - Um...

Guilty.

Oh.

Wait. That's a different Antoine.

Uh, this Antoine pleads...

not guilty.

Right?

And is entitled to a jury of his peers.

Dre: So I was the only thing close to a peer for this kid.

Plus I was the only one actually listening.

Really?

"Live Free or Die Hard" is your favorite "Die Hard"?

Ugh.

I can't stop thinking about what Janine said to me.

Do you think Junior's a different person

when I'm not around?

I mean, I don't let him curse at home.

So am I creating an environment of deception?

What else don't I know?

The list of what you don't know is long.

Number one is how to keep your man happy.

Where's your man?

Hey!

Hi! How was school today?

Great. The funniest thing happened.

Oh, tell me.

Wha...

How is it that you just don't give up on life?

She's... She's gonna tell me later.

- We're really close. - Yeah, yeah, right.

Hey! How you doing? What's going on?

Oh. W-Why... Why do you have leaves in your hair?

Well, I didn't punch anyone in the face,

if that's what you're implying.

Oh, well, I'd love to hear more about that.

Well...

Maybe she'll tell me later.

Oh! Did one of your classmates

give you this friendship bracelet?

Do you have a little girlfriend?!

- No. - You can tell me.

Mommy.