Joey

Hey, guys. Long day, huh?

Brutal, Mr. Tribbiani.

You guys wanna run across the street to Reilly's, grab a quick beer?

Sorry, we're just crew guys. I mean, that place is a little fancy for us.

Really? Because beers are only, like, $22 over there.

Movie sets are so weird. In TV, I'd always hang with the crew guys.

That was my favorite part of the job.

You know what? I'm a crew guy, maybe I'll put in a good word.

That'd be great. Let them know I'm a regular guy, just like them.

Yeah, no problem. Hey, Zach, Craft Service.

This is my friend Joey. He does not think he's better than you...

...just because he's the big star...

...and you're nothing more than a bump on a flea's ass around here.

I'm getting the feeling there's something about you they really don't like.

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

Oh, some friend of yours from high school called. Jimmy Costa?

Jimmy Costa?

Yeah, he's stopping by tomorrow.

- That guy is dead to me. - That doesn't mean anything.

You say that all the time. Like last week when I lost the remote.

I'm sorry, Alex, did someone say something?

- So who is this Jimmy guy? - He's a guy I grew up with, okay?

He was really cool. Everybody liked him.

He was smart, great athlete, popular, and he was my best friend.

Okay, then one day, out of nowhere...

...he decides he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. We never spoke again.

I will never forget losing my best friend, Kelly Noonan, to this bitch, Maggie Tibbits.

When we were 10, we went out for Halloween as Hansel and Gretel...

...and Maggie was a princess or something. And the next year...

...Kelly and Maggie went as fries and a shake, and I was C-3PO.

It's like every great memory I have of growing up, he's in, you know?

Like, we played sports together, we pulled all these classic pranks.

Like, we used to call my dad at work...

...and tell him that I'd been kidnapped and demand a ransom.

He was such a cheapskate. I mean, I'm worth 35 bucks, right?

- Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun. - Tons of fun.

I mean, we hit on all these girls together...

...except for each other's sisters. That was our code.

Okay, which was really hard because his sisters were hot...

...and my sisters were slutty.

What? I'm not gonna high-five that.

Okay, I may have just made an offensive comment...

...about your aunts and mother, but you never leave me hanging.

Okay, whatever. This Costa guy's stopping by tomorrow afternoon, just so you know.

- Costa? Jimmy Costa? - Yeah.

You believe the nerve of that guy coming here after all these years?

Gina, you look upset. Do you wanna talk about something?

- Oh, I don't really wanna get into it. - Hey, come on.

I told you my feelings for Joey. I think we can trust each other.

Okay, fine.

- Get out of here. - What? I'm just gonna finish...

You're so annoying. God.

So, what? What's going on?

This Jimmy Costa guy, I'm the reason he stopped hanging out with Joey.

I always felt horrible, but it was a very complicated...

- You slept with him. - So many times.

We had this intense sexual chemistry. We both knew Joey would be upset...

...but every time that we'd try to break it to him, we'd fall back into bed together.

Really?

You ever have that with someone? Just this... This hot...

...raw, animal connection. When you lock eyes, you burn for their touch.

Alex...

...do you burn to be touched?

Don't do that!

My sexuality is not a toy.

Hey, man. Do you wanna go join us for some chocolate milk?

You know, chocolate milk.

- We gotta be careful what we say. - Yeah, guys on the next stage got busted.

Oh, I gotcha. But I'm sorry, that's not my scene.

I get high on life and drinking.

Hey, I got some of that chocolate milk my cousin brought back from Hawaii.

All right, let's drink up.

Hey, guys. Sorry, I couldn't help overhearing.

- You were talking about chocolate milk? - Yeah.

I used to love chocolate milk. It'd put me in a good mood, you know?

Have some chocolate milk, watch some cartoons.

Totally.

Hey, you wanna join us behind the stage for some?

I'd love to, but I gotta go shoot this next scene, so...

I'll tell you what, as soon as I'm done, I'm gonna have chocolate milk.

- You guys got me thinking about it. - Planted the seed, so to speak.

Exactly.

Hey, dude, we should share a glass sometime soon, huh?

Heck, with three of us, we might as well have a bowl.

Sounds good.

- That guy's cooler than I thought. - Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Hey, what's up? - I'm waiting for Jimmy Costa to get here.

If he came all this way, I at least wanna hear an explanation.

No, you can't talk to Jimmy. You gotta get out of here right now.

- Go to Alex's. - Why?

Why? Because Alex is in love with you...

...and she wants to talk to you about it right now.

- What? - What? No, that was a joke.

It's the Gina Tribbiani Comedy Hour. She'll be here all week.

Okay. Here goes.

- Hey, Joey. It's been a long time. - Yes, it has.

Last time I was to see you, you stood me up for a date...

...with the McFadden sisters.

I had to buy a pizza for three and sleep with both of them, so thanks a lot.

Hey, Gina, you look good.

Thanks. You look...

...homeless. What happened?

The '90s were tough on everyone. A lot of people lost money in the dot-com boom.

You know, I... I drank myself blind and robbed a McDonald's.

So, what are you doing here?

I quit drinking, like, six months ago.

And I'm trying to make amends for some of the mistakes I made in my life...

...and one of the big ones was how I treated you.

And I just wanna talk about it.

Jimmy, I need to talk to you for a second.

What the hell do you think you're doing? Joey doesn't know we slept together.

You never told him after all these years? Your breasts always been like that?

- Took you long enough to notice. - Look, Gina. I've gotta tell him.

You can't, he's gonna freak. He's gonna blame me for losing you as a friend.

- This ain't about you. - You're not telling him.

- Who are you to tell me what to do, huh? - I haven't seen you for 20 years.

You haven't changed one bit. You're the same selfish, self-centered jerk.

- Oh, man, when you get angry... - Don't you look at me with those eyes.

Hey, hey!

- What the hell's going on in here? - All right, Joey.

Look, 20 years ago, Gina and I slept together, all right?

I violated the code, I felt ashamed. That's why I stopped calling you.

Well, I can expect this from Gina.

But you? We had a pact, man.

If I hadn't slept with your half sister...

...and got a weird back rub from your mom, I would strangle you right now.

- Hey. - It's Joey, man. We're cool.

Dude, where were you five minutes ago?

- We're out of chocolate milk. - No worries, I just had all I can handle.

I've got some bad stuff going on at home and usually it makes me feel better.

You and me both.

- Dude, you got some big hands. - Yeah?

Yeah.

Never really looked at my hands before.

- Each finger's so different. - Yeah, and there's so many of them.

Hey, man, when I was a kid...

...I would start every day with chocolate milk.

My mom would have it waiting for me...

...and then I would just chow down a huge breakfast.

- Your mom? - That is too cool.

Yeah, she was cool. I need to call her and tell her how cool she was.

Hey, what if she dies before I get a chance to tell her that?

That's real heavy, man.

- What's going on? - I was just talking about Joey's mom.

They want you in makeup.

- Dude, be cool. - I'm trying.

Oh, great, you two are back.

Look, Joey, I'm really sorry for what we did back then...

...and I'm sorry we didn't tell you.

And Jimmy has something he wants to tell you too.

Just give him a chance.

Joey, I got Vice-Principal Tannis on the phone. He's still alive.

And I need my prank buddy to seal the deal.

This is the New York Police Department. I'm sleeping with your wife:

Hey, classic!

- Man, I missed that. - I know, me too.

I'm sorry, man.

You know what? It was a long time ago.

So we're okay?

Yeah. Come here.

Come on.

So, Jimmy, how come...?

I was such a star in high school and I ended up such a huge failure?

I guess high school and the real world are just different, you know?

- I don't have what it takes to make it. - That's crazy.

You're, like, the smartest guy I've ever met.

I think what you meant to say...

...was Jimmy was the smartest guy you've ever met.

No, no, no, Michael. You're smart, but you're not "Jimmy" smart.

Excuse me?

Here, I'll show you. Ask him a question. Anything.

- Let's not do this. - No, no, no, go ahead.

What do you call 60 atoms of pure carbon...

...in a structure that resembles a geodesic dome?

A buckyball.