The Boss Baby: Family Business

Time is a funny thing.

- When I was a kid... One.

- The days lasted forever. - Two.

- Hide, hide, hide! - Three.

But the years... - Wait! Over here.

- Well, they went by so fast. - Four.

- Five. Six. - Tim, no peeking.

Yeah, no peeking.

Before you know it... - Seven.

- You're all grown-up. - Eight.

- It even happened to me. - Nine.

Nine and a half. Ten!

Ready or not, here I come. (Grunts)

My name's Tim, and this...

well, this is the rest of my story.

- (roars playfully) - Run for your lives!

: No fair, Dad. You peeked.

They call me a stay-at-home dad, which means... -Let's go!

I hardly get to stay at home.

Buckle up, Templetons.

Ready?

- Set. - Go!

Now, some might say

I still have an overactive imagination,

but being a dad is the coolest job in the world.

Bunch of cool jobs, really.

Sometimes I'm a race car driver.

Whoo! Daddy-o Andretti!

Yay, Templetons!

TIM (Southern accent): Well, and then sometimes

I'm the best darn cook in the county

and I deal out every meal.

- Come on, Pa, hit me. - (burps)

- (chuckles) Tina. - (Tina laughs)

Whew, doggie! And the house wins again.

- (thunder crashes) Yay! -TABITHA: Woo-hoo!

TIM (spooky voice): Or a surgeon, if need be. (Chuckles)

- Spork. - Spork.

- Spatula. - Spatula.

Give my creature life!

- (growling) - (Carol and Tabitha gasp)

She's alive!

We have our ups, and we have our downs.

- (whimpers) - No, no, no. Look. Look.

- Lamb Lamb's okay. See? - Yay!

But we always stick together.

- My wife, Carol. - It's a miracle!

She's the breadwinner of the family.

- (applause) - Thank you. You know what they say:

- "It's all about the dough." - (laughter)

And I couldn't have done it without my husband.

He really rose to the occasion.

- It's the yeast I can do. - (cheering) -Yeah, Mama!

She brings home the bacon, too,

while I keep an eye on our new baby, Tina.

: But sometimes, feels like

she's keeping an eye on me.

- And Tabitha... - Thank you!

Our little second-grader who just got accepted

- into the best school in town. - (laughter)

Yay, Tabitha!

We're so proud.

I still keep in touch with the old gang, too.

Believe it or not, Jimbo is mayor now.

Cookie! - Of course, his wife, Staci,

is the real brains behind the operation.

Yo, Jimbo! - Now, the Triplets...

Yeah, they haven't changed much.

And as for my baby brother, Ted,

well, he grew up to be the boss, all right.

He's so busy we hardly see him anymore. -(toy squeaking)

- (phone rings) - But, hey, he always remembers

to send inappropriately lavish gifts

- on special occasions. - (Tabitha squeals)

- OMG! Uncle Ted is the best! - (neighing)

- (clatters) - (Tim gasps)

All in all,

my life is pretty perfect.

But all that was about to change.

Good heavens.

I'll save you!

- Ha! - (Tina screams, laughs)

Thanks, babe.

Stay calm, Tabitha.

I'm coming for you.

I'm gonna save you from the bubbling lava!

Dad, what are you doing?

Ew, gross. It went everywhere.

Come on, this is the candy volcano of doom!

You used to love it. (Mimics explosion)

But I'm trying to do my homework,

or I'm doomed.

Oh.

Because if there's one thing I've learned,

you're only a kid once.

Once you grow up, you can never go back.

Ee...!

Oh, no.

Good night, Dr. Hawking.

Carbon, boron, beryllium, lithium, helium, hydrogen.

Nailed it.

Boom shakalaka.

"Carry the four." (chuckles) Gosh.

Hey there, Tabitha. - (Carol whoops, Tina laughs)

It's The Good Night Show.

Live from your bedroom, starring Dad and Mom.

- And special guest, baby Tina. - (laughing)

Good night, little Tina. Mwah!

Come back here, you. (Chuckles)

- Good night, Mom. - Mwah!

Good night, sweetheart. Mama's gonna kiss you.

- Mama gonna kiss you. - (Tim clears throat)

What? It's time for your good-night song.

Oh, no, thanks.

I'm listening to white noise!

Helps me fall asleep!

Hey, what would you say

to me helping you rehearse for the holiday pageant?

- (gasps) - Yes! Right?

I can come to school with you, and you can get

all your friends together, and we can rehearse together,

go get some ice cream after.

- My treat. - No! You can't do that.

Um, liability issues.

It's this whole thing.

Oh. Right, right. (Chuckles)

Right.

Whoa. How about your favorite bedtime story?

You know, the one about...

Uncle Ted was a magical talking baby.

There was a rocket full of puppies,

- and you saved the world. - (shushing)

It was a good story, wasn't it?

Well, it didn't really make a lot of sense.

The jokes were good, right?

Mm.

- Okay. Um... - Dad.

My schedule is brutal tomorrow.

: Yeah. My schedule's pretty brutal, too.

Oh, don't forget Lamb Lamb.

Good night, Lamb Lamb.

Good night, Uncle Ted.

I hope to grow up and be a success, just like you.

Maybe we'll see you soon.

Good night, Tabitha.

Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?

Uh, okay.

I think it's time we both grow up.

I look forward to greeting you at the breakfast table.

Sweet dreams.

Hmm.

Where has the time gone?

How should I know? (Grunts)

- Wait, wait. I see light. - (toy train tooting)

You, oh, out of my way. (Yells)

At long last.

The sweet breath of freedom.

Wizzie?

You there, what century is this?

Unhand me, vile ogre!

No, no, no, no. Wizzie, it's me.

- It's Tim. - (gasps)

Is it really you?

Come closer.

Let me see your face.

Closer.

Closer still.

Oh, Timothy.

It is you.

Hey! What was that for?

You cast me into eternal darkness

and wreaked havoc on my circadian rhythms.

I'm sorry, Wizzie.

Hey, but you look great, though.

Except for the arm, you mean.

I didn't even notice.

- You thought it. - I mean, I noticed it,

'cause I... you obviously don't have an arm. I-I...

You would never treat Lamb Lamb this way.

Well, I... I gave her to my daughter, Tabitha.

You have produced an heir, Timothy?

Two, actually.

Two? Let the bells ring!

- No, no, no. Wizzie, stop. - Yes! Yes!

- Wizzie, shh! Quiet, quiet. - It's a time for celebration!

No, no, no. It's not the time for celebration.

- Wizzie, shh. Be quiet. - What? What is it?

- What is it, Tim? - I don't know.

- (alarms stop) - I guess I'm just not feeling

very celebratory right now.

Oh?

Tabitha. (Sighs)

Man, Wizzie, she's growing up so fast.

It's like she doesn't even need me anymore.

Yes, first, they start spending less time with you.