Cheers

Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.

Quite a night, huh, Norm?

- Yep. - Yeah.

Still can't believe old Sammy wants to be a dad.

Yep.

Now, he's gotta be real careful about choosing a mother.

A lot of things to consider.

Like, for example, how the genes match up.

Yeah.

I wish my parents had given that a little bit more thought.

And, you know,

maybe I'd be able to jump a little higher, run a little faster.

You know that the jumping gene in my ma,

let's call it the "J" gene,

it's recessive.

You know, so, if my ma had gotten matched up

with a guy with a dominant jumpin' gene,

you know, let's say, like...

Carl Lewis.

Well...

I'm telling you, Norm,

could have been a whole different playground

for little Cliff ie Lewis.

Cliff ie, I hate to interrupt, but we're here.

Normie, how come you always drop me off

at least six blocks away from my house?

Well, this time, it's a mile.

Get out.

Previously, on Cheers...

No more Rebecca the jerk,

no more Rebecca the go on ball,

Rebecca the loser.

Rebecca the mother.

I'm gonna have a brand new human baby.

I can't wait!

You know, a new life,

a new life that depends completely on me.

Can you believe it? I forgot my coat.

Look at me, just so excited about this.

I don't know. I'm gonna be a mommy.

Oh! I'm gonna be a mommy.

- Rebecca. Honey, honey. - What, Sam?

Are you sure you're ready for this?

Well, don't I look ready?

Okay, maybe I'm thrown off by the coat rack.

Oh, I hate it when I do that.

Oh, here.

Well, you think we're ready, don't you?

I mean, you don't think that we're rushing this, do you?

You need a little time to think it over?

Sweetheart, sweetheart. Come on. Turn around.

I think we're both very excited by this.

You want to be a mommy, right? And I want to be a daddy.

I think that the decision has been made here.

Sam, just give it a yank.

Are you hurt?

No, no. I'm fine.

Okay. What do you think? Do you want to give it till tomorrow?

Please?

Hey, everybody. Guess what? My buddy just bowled a 300!

Hey, great. Like anybody cares, huh?

A round of drinks on me.

All right! Way to roll that melon, buddy!

Here you go. Here you go, bud.

Oh, sorry, missy.

What for?

You think I won't enjoy a cigar because I'm a woman?

I'll save it for the George Sand Film Festival.

You see, what you don't understand

is that my wife just made a very funny literary reference

to a woman that used to dress as a man and lived in France.

Was he a bowler?

Sure. What the hell.

Hey, why don't you have the smokers sitting in the smoking section?

Of course. Where's my head?

Probably in the pumpkin patch wondering when the mix-up occurred.

Sammy, we have a smoking section?

- Yeah, over by the piano. - We have a piano?

I got to turn my head more.

Hi, Sam.

Hi. Sorry about last night.

Oh, no. Don't worry about it. You feeling better?

- You didn't bruise, did you? - Sweetheart, it's not a peach.

So, do you still want to be a mommy?

You still want to be a daddy?

- I do if you do. - I do.

Great. Alright. I'll be right back.

Hold it. Wait, wait.

- We have to sit a second. - What?

Look...

I don't want this to be that we just do it.

I want this to be special.

I mean, what's gonna happen when our child asks us

about the night we conceived? What are we gonna say?

How about "Mind your own business"?

Sam, be serious.

I know, I know.

Let's do something

that you have never done before with a woman.

All right, all right.

Okay, okay. Let's do something that you've only done once.

Okay, all right. That... that...

Let's just have a nice, simple, romantic evening.

All right. Now, that I can do. That I can do. I tell you what.

- You got a fireplace, right? - Yeah.

Well, there you go. It's a perfect evening.

Dinner, fire, a little jiffy-pop.

- Sam, don't be crass. - No, no, no.

I was talking about popcorn.

Okay. That was funny. No, you got a date.

All right. Wait a second.

Woody, we're out of here. You're in charge of the bar.

Why bother, Sam?

Whenever you put me in charge, nobody ever listens to me.

I just get laughed at and get drinks poured over my head.

Anyone does that to you, you just sic Carla on them.

I'm talking about Carla.

All right, listen up, everybody.

Whenever Rebecca and I aren't in the bar,

Woody's in charge.

Is that better?

Kind of. At least it's not a margarita. Those get salt in my eyes.

Listen, I'm out of here, guys.

I'll be back in a couple hours, depending on how things go.

Where you going, Sam?

It's kind of personal, Norm.

All right, let's go.

- Let me get that for you. - Okay.

Here we go.

Looks like Sammy's acting kind of weird, huh?

Yeah.

Can't you beer-butts figure it out?

Sam's been searching for weeks

to find the perfect woman to have his baby.

Obviously, he's given up and asked Rebecca.

No way.

Something that big, Sammy would have told us.

Why do you assume the rest of the world

lives by your outdated code of male bonding?

Do you think every man goes around telling his buddies

when he decides to sire an offspring?

Frasier did.

Anyhoo...

Woody, can you do something about that smoke?

Don't worry, Mr. Clavin. I'll take care of it.

Excuse me, sir. My name is Woody Boyd,

and I'm kind of in charge here tonight.

Well, my friend over there is kind of bothered by your smoke.

And so, I was hoping you'd move to the back of the smoking section.

I think that would really be the considerate thing to do.

Well, you can tell your friend this...

So, Woody, what did he say?

Wow, I'm impressed.

Where did you learn how to cook?

When I was a kid, my mom thought

that all boys should do a little bit of cooking.

- I never knew that. - Oh, yeah. I have a sensitive side.

As a matter of fact, why don't we put on some music

and see how long it takes you to find it.

Where do you keep your Johnny Mathis?

I don't think I have any.

Oh. Well, who needs music?

Allow me.

Look at me.

I didn't know you could sing that high.

I couldn't before the coat rack.

What?

Nothing. I'm just nervous.

Oh, come on. There's nothing to be nervous about.

Oh, no. I mean, we're just going to make

the biggest decision of our lives.

I mean, don't you think that's a little bit scary?

Come on, you can't pressure yourself like that.

I mean, once we do this, there's no turning back.

No, no. Come on.

That's just the thing you can't think about here.

"After tonight, everything will be different for life."

Or "I may have done this a million times, but...

this is the one that counts."

I mean, you start doing that,

and you're not gonna be able to do it.

Sam, you're not thinking about it, are you?

No, no. Don't be silly.

Oh, you're right, Sam.

Let's just go for it.

- Right now? - It's now or never, Sam.

Let's make a baby.

No, but right now?

- What's the matter? - Nothing's the matter. Don't be silly.

Nothing's the matter. It's just that...

Not everything's right, right now.

We don't have Johnny Mathis. Yeah, that's it.

Tell you what. Why don't I...

Why don't I go to the record store?

- I'll be right back. - No, Sam!

If we're gonna make a baby, I'm gonna need my Johnny.

What's wrong, Sam?

Sam, what is it?

I...

- I... I... - What... what?