Cheers

Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.

Man, how about all that stuff that's going on over at Cheers?

What's that?

You don't know about that?

Well, Rebecca, the babe who runs the place,

you know she's been dating Robin Colcord, the multimillionaire.

Uh-huh.

Well, he tried to pull a hostile takeover

of her corporation and she was implicated in the deal.

So the corporation dumped her.

Guess who ended up owning Cheers.

Sam Malone.

You're kidding.

Wait, you haven't heard the best part.

Now, Colcord skipped the country,

so Rebecca's ended up having to take a waitress job...

at Cheers. Wow.

W-Where do you get this stuff, anyway?

I got my sources.

Another round on the house, Mr. Peterson?

Thank you very much.

Is Rebecca in her office?

I thought you ditched her

and skipped the country.

I did, but I've come back.

I finally realized what Rebecca means to me.

What use is my money or my freedom

if I don't have the woman I love?

Rebecca?!

I'm back.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Rebecca, what is going on in here?

Robin, I can explain.

Wait a minute.

My button's caught in your zipper here.

Robin, I can't explain.

It's my own fault.

For all you knew, I was never coming back again.

I left the way clear for something like this to happen.

But Robin, nothing did happen.

Nothing? No, nothing.

Okay, something almost happened but I would never betray you.

I love you.

We didn't do anything.

Did we, Sam?

Yeah...

what she said.

Hey, jailbird, your lawyer's on the phone.

Your lawyer?!

Yes, I've made arrangements to turn myself in.

Oh, Robin.

Oh, I'll wait for you.

I won't have any money when I come out.

That doesn't matter.

I'll help you rebuild your fortune.

Yeah, just look at what she's done with this bar.

Oh, shut up.

Boy, just because you lose a few billion bucks

is no reason to cop a 'tude.

I guess I should go see if Robin needs any help.

Sure.

Sam?

Thank you for lying about...

you know.

It's okay, sure.

Thank you for... you know.

I just think it was the right thing to do.

The lying, I mean, not the, you know...

Well, that, too.

Yeah.

Anyway... well... see ya.

See ya.

Oh...

Your button.

Yeah. Thank you.

Well, my attorney's spoken to the prosecutor

and I... I have to go.

Can't we at least wait till morning?

Well, my attorney says that if I turn myself in now,

I can avoid a media circus.

Do you have any idea what these sleazy tabloids would pay

for a picture of Robin Colcord the fugitive?

Okay, let's try another one,

only, this time, look a little bit more guilty.

Guilty?!

What do you guys think, huh?

I'm finished.

With, uh, with what, Sam?

With putting my old stuff back on the wall.

It was gone?

Yeah, it was gone...

Three years gone, man.

Rebecca had her stuff up there.

Ah. Are you so taken with your own lives

you don't notice the changes going on around here?

Sammy, we notice the important things, all right?

By the way, is Diane coming in today?

Hey! Hey!

Give this man a drink... whoo!

Sammy, I just realized,

I forgot to call Ma and tell her the good news.

You know how she loves you.

Boy, she's gonna be tickled pink

when she hears you got the bar back.

Hello, Ma!

Guess who the new owner of Cheers is.

No, it's not me, it's, uh, it's Sam.

Well, I'm, uh, still a mailman, Ma.

Well, I know you had high hopes for me, Ma,

but I couldn't finish college and that's all there is to it.

She was thrilled.

Hey, Woody.

It says here that you and Carla

haven't had a raise for over two years.

That's right, Sam.

I guess that's why I been so darn moody lately.

Well, that's one of the things that's gonna change around here.

Starting tomorrow, you guys get a $20-a-week raise.

Wow, thanks.

Another thing here, while I'm at it,

to celebrate the new management,

I am wiping out everybody's bar tab.

Sam Malone, I am not a man for mushy sentiment,

but I want you to know something...

If you ever need a liver donor, I've got one like yea big.

Woody, round of drinks on the house for everybody.

All right!

Hi, Sam.

Oh, hi.

I didn't expect to see you waitressing here today

with your billionaire boyfriend back in town.

Well, it's only temporary until I find a good job.

You know what they say...

Better a temporary dead-end stupid job than no job at all.

Ah, just what every employer wants to hear.

Excuse me.

I'm gonna, uh, take these plants of yours

out to the woods and give them their freedom.

So, what's new, Miss Howe?

I just got back from visiting Robin in jail.

They're not going to let him out on bail

since he jumped bond earlier.

They're gonna charge him a huge penalty, even if he pleads guilty.

I don't think they're gonna give that poor guy any breaks at all.

I got a raise.

You deserve it, Woody.

I deserved it two years ago.

Who was the boss then?

Let me think.

Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.

Boy, of all days for my kids to handcuff me to the water heater.

Why, uh, what's the big deal about today?

Didn't Sam tell you what happened

in the office last night?

No. What?

He and Rebecca were in there for for a mighty long time

and that place was wrecked.

He didn't mention a thing. Really?

Maybe he's saving all the dirty details for me.

He's such a gentleman.

Well, fellows, that's the bell

announcing Clavin's mid morning brain twister.

Oh, you going to get up and try to walk again?

Is this going to be along the same lines

as yesterday's little pearl?

If the Lennon Sisters, the Maguire Sisters

and the Andrew Sisters all came to a four-way stop,

which would have the right-of-way?

No, no, no, no.

This one is, uh, based on historical fact.

Now listen up.

How would the Civil War have changed

if Lincoln had had octopus tentacles instead of a beard?

For God's sake, Cliff.

There is no practical answer to that question.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Now we can assume that the Gettysburg Address

would have been written on the back of eight envelopes.

Very good.

Very good answer, Normie.

Also, he could have disarmed John Wilkes Booth

and still applauded the play.

Now, in a related query,

what if Herbert Hoover was able to expand his face

like a blow fish?

What were you guys talking about?

Former presidents with fish parts in their faces.

Come on.

Do you really expect me to believe

you were talking about something that stupid?

Where have you been all these years?

Hello!

I know what you were doing.

You were trying to cover up the fact that

you were gossiping about me.

And, as soon as I turn my back,

you will go on about Sam and I in that office last night.

Didn't I tell you? I knew something happened.

Ooh, guys, do you think Sammy finally bagged Rebecca?