Charlatan (Šarlatán)

Stand back!

Stand back!

It's over.

President Zápotocký died at 3:52 am.

Comrade President has passed away.

A communist heart has ceased to beat

And lips have spoken their last words…

Have you got your bottles?

Yes...

Good...

Come with me.

Good morning.

-How do you feel? -Not very well. -I'll have a look at you later.

Let me see...

The fever's not coming down. She doesn't eat much.

Shh... It's OK...

This was done by butcher, not surgeon!

Continue applying chamomile.

You'll be just fine. Believe, and you'll be fine.

Hang in there, I'm going to prepare it.

Clear bottles only.

I'll give you this one.

Give me 15 crowns, you can urinate over there.

That's fine, you can go in. Next.

-Wipe your mouth. -Excuse me?

Mr Mikolášek hates women in makeup, he'll throw you out.

Bottles!

The bottle has to be clear.

-I haven't got another one. -I'll give you one. 15 crowns.

-That much? -Yes, 15 crowns!

-Only one? -The rest was seized at Central Post.

And the paper's full of lies about you again.

Two more.

But you are the last ones, OK?

Only two sets of fifty samples.

The postwoman said the rest was seized in Prague.

At least we'll start treating patients sooner.

Male, 38 years old.

Chronic infection of lower respiratory tract.

Take mix number three for 5 weeks.

Warm compresses and goose fat poultices.

Number two, female, 56 years old.

Kidney stones. Take mix number one

and drink at least three liters of lukewarm parsley tea daily.

Number three, female,

62 years old.

Nothing we can do here.

-What should I write? -Whatever you want.

Pancreas.

Diagnosis cannot be determined

from the sample,

an immediate visit

to the doctor is recommended.

She'll be dead before she reads it.

I can tell them you aren't well today.

Next sample.

-You help everyone but your... -Male, 54 year old.

You can't walk in there like that. You must wait for your number.

EXPERT OF MEDICINAL PLANTS

You suffer from severe discharge, isn't that so?

If you don't fix that, you'll never get pregnant.

Our doctor said I'm infertile, that I can't have children.

Is that what he said?

Stand up, please.

You are young and strong. There is a lot of life inside you.

Your doctor is a fool.

No one told you to come in!

You're going to give yourself herbal douches.

And rub this on twice a day.

Where do I rub it?

On your husband's genitalia. It's a mix of thyme and oak bark.

If he doesn't stop cheating on you,

you'll never fix your problems.

You can pick up the herbs from the nurse in the waiting room.

Number 38!

I brought you something.

Have you got your urine?

-Do your toes hurt you? -Don't even remind me.

They hurt like the devil.

You have to stop eating meat.

Every piece of meat you swallow settles in your joints. You have gout.

Soon, you won't be able to bend your fingers.

-But I'm a butcher, Doctor. -I'm not a doctor.

You're going to have to choose.

Do you want me to kneel?

We only kneel in church, Johana.

Then tell me what to do so you'll listen to me.

You've already said everything. Come eat.

But the money isn't for me! It's for your niece.

She didn't even want to come, she's so afraid of you.

I'll pay you back, I swear.

Mrs Johana! Mrs Johana, wait!

This is for you.

I can't accept this from you. You are too kind.

It's not from me. Your brother prepared it for you yesterday.

Why does he always have to humiliate us like that?

Let me see.

Can you lift it?

How about your arm?

Good.

I'll hold her for you.

I don't think it's polio.

In the hospital they told us his legs were deformed by polio.

And I'm telling you the boy needs sunlight.

It's a deficit of vitamin D. You should take him to the seaside.

Where will I get the money for that?

They locked my husband up. I don't even know where he is...

You'll get an ointment to increase circulation and relax his muscles.

And you will have to exercise with him. This is for the seaside.

-Thank you! -No, no, that won't do at all.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

-She's beautiful. -Thank you.

"Ten Unbelievable Chapters of a Charlatan.

We visited the offices of the would-be famous oracle of urine,

Jan Mikolášek of Jenštejn.

The parasite preys upon proletarians for his own enrichment,

riding around in an American car,

drinking champagne and laughing in the face of justice.

You might not be cured in Jenštejn, but you are certain to be robbed blind!

How much longer are we to suffer this ulcer in our communist body?

How much longer is that charlatan to prescribe his herbs to naive old women?"

That's enough.

"Beware, all you Mikolášeks out there!

Communist justice will soon give you the medicine you deserve. Prison!"

It's been there for three weeks. Every evening, the same car.

Anyone can park in the street.

Why are you so afraid of retiring?

You'll tend to a small herb garden and they'll leave you alone.

I agree, sir. You don't need to be spied on.

I didn't mean to offend him.

Stop here.

We only have two patients left.

Then we can go to town for supper, what do you say?

So much good in one leaf.

But for whom?

I want to go home.

Jan...

-What's going on? -There's someone from the ministry.

Good evening.

How can I help you?

You don't remember me?

-I've been here before. -We see hundreds patients a day.

Mrázek.

-Kidneys? -Acute kidney failure. 1951.

You sent me straight under the knife. If I'd stayed home, I'd be worm food.

You have to get out of here, Mr Mikolášek.

-I can get you a passport. -I don't understand.

Yes you do.

I've offered all I have to the state!

-You have friends abroad. -I can work at the state hospital.

State Security has begun investigating you.

Nonsense! I have good relationships at all ministries.

I treated President Zápotocký.

The President died. There are no good relationships left.

I only heal people.

-You don't understand me. -No, you don't understand me!

These people need me.

The score is now even.

Good luck.

He's been drinking your tea.

His arm doesn't hurt anymore, it's his stomach now.

He didn't know he was supposed to rub it on!

Mikolášek, Pitha, Lauda, come here!

Move!

Out!

I didn't mean to do it!

Please don't kill me!

Line up!

Ready!

You won't do it!

-Take aim! -Brothers!

I said take aim! Do as you're commanded!

Last chance!

Take aim!

Fire!

I'm sorry.

But you've already told me a hundred times.

People have read the Bible a hundred times and understood nothing.

You have patients in Chicago.

Let me call them.

The worst punishment is having a choice.

Jan!

Nice. Very nice.

You couldn't even tie radishes before the war.

We'll do a cutting of geraniums this afternoon.

-I'll stay in the shop. -Alois can stay.

I'll help Johana with the watering. Her leg's been hurting again.

Trust me, I've done all I could.

The gangrene has gone too far.

-Amputation will save her life. -Amputation?

I've written you a recommendation.

Professor Keitel is my good friend.

This is not about her leg, it's about her life.

They're going to cut your leg off anyway, so what does it matter?

Why are you so mean?

Stop it, you can't do that.

Please, go away.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Are they all relatives?