Hawaii Five-0

Previously on Hawaii Five-O...

We need this place for a few days for a stakeout.

You cannot do this, Agnes is coming back this week.

Anybody asks, I'm Agnes's nephew and we're just house-sitting.

What is the matter with you?

Please, can we just finish this surveillance and go home?

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Ricky.

Agnes has me check in on Mr. Pickles

while she's out of town.

You looking for this?

Oh, no. That's the, uh, catnip, bro.

Where's the cat?

You called the drug dealer to find Mr. Pickles?

Hey. What are you guys doing here?

You found Mr. Pickles and you brought him back,

so, for that, we're gonna give you a pass.

Whew.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Hey! What's going on?!

Let me out of here!

Please!

What's that?

[Hawaii Five-O theme song plays]

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Okay, I-I understand. I'm just saying,

- what-what if she did? - She didn't.

How do you know that?

How do I know that? We don't even know her, Danny.

I've never... I don't even know what she looks like.

So what?

We were in her apartment once five years ago for a stakeout.

Right? Why... And now we're in her will?

- Doesn't make any sense. - Look, she's, uh...

obviously wasn't a normal person in the head.

Right? You hear about this stuff all the time.

Crazy cat lady. Uh-huh.

Uh, uses coupons her whole life.

Come to find out she's, uh, worth millions of dollars

when she dies.

She leaves it to two complete strangers?

Y-Yeah. Well, I mean, w-we're here for a reason, right?

I mean, she left us something, you know?

Yeah.

Look, I'm just saying,

I think you're gonna be sadly disappointed.

Yeah, and I'm just saying that you should start looking

for a new partner if there's anything north of $250,000

for us here, because, in that case, I am gone.

- Hi. - Hi.

We are here to see Mr. Inouye,

uh, regarding the Agnes Miller estate.

Okay.

Please, have a seat.

Mr. Inouye will be with you shortly.

- Thank you. - No way!

You dudes were invited to this thing, too?

Bring it in! Hey!

So sad about Agnes. She was like a second bubbie to me.

What's up, bro? How are you, man?

- Let's... I got a little cold. - Oh. - I don't want to give it to you.

Um, I don't... I don't remember you. Uh...

You kidding? It's Ricky. Ricky Schiff.

He lived in Agnes's building.

Remember? He came upstairs, and, uh, he tried to sell us drugs

and exotic animals and stuff.

Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

Exotic animals. That was wack.

What are you doing? You're staying out of trouble, I hope.

Oh, dude, you know it. It's actually because of you guys.

Yeah. You guys scared me straight, know what I mean?

Showed me the errors of my ways, yeah.

Ricky Schiff is rehabilitated,

reformed, and a...

another word that starts with "R."

- I got one. - Really grateful.

- How's that? - Okay, good.

Good to see you're, uh...

you're staying out of trouble.

Thanks, man. Thanks.

Sorry to keep you waiting, gentlemen,

but this shouldn't take long.

Please, have a seat.

Um, Agnes Miller had no family,

and you three are the only ones attending this reading.

All right.

"I, Agnes Eugenia Miller

"of 2120 Nanamaoa Street, apartment 5B..."

Yada yada yada. Yeah.

Uh, here we go. "...do hereby bequeath

"all of my tangible personal property

"and all policies and proceeds

"of insurance covering such property,

"including all real estate, stocks and cash holdings,

"currently valued at $842,671,

to the Humane Society of Oahu."

Okay. Um,

everything went to the Humane Society.

Then, uh, what are we doing here?

Well, Mrs. Miller did see fit

to carve out two exceptions in her will.

Agnes left this for you and your partner.

- Hey. - Box of porcelain cats.

- Wonderful. - Score.

It seems Mrs. Miller felt that you two

would be the perfect stewards of her beloved

cat figurine collection, - Mm-hmm.

uh, given the sensitivity you showed

when you had one of the figurines repaired.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

I just wanted to capture the exact moment

that your, uh, dreams crumbled around you.

April, you can bring him in now.

I'm sorry, I thought we were the only people attending this.

Yes, you are.

No way!

Is that who I think it is?

Hi!

Mrs. Miller was very clear in her instructions

that Mr. Schiff would become the legal guardian of her prized

Turkish Angora cat,

Mr. Pickles.

Hey there, Mr. P.

I missed you.

However, due to the unsuitability

of your current residential status,

I am duty bound to find a more...

satisfactory home for Mr. Pickles.

Okay. So, what, what-what does that mean?

My understanding is that Mr. Schiff

is currently on parole

and is living in a halfway house.

I thought you said you were rehabilitated.

Okay. My bad.

Should've said "rehabilitating."

Well, who gets the cat?

Well, that, uh... that went poorly.

You really thought you were gonna inherit a million dollars?

I mean, you got a bunch of cat figurines

and custody of an actual cat.

Yeah, I didn't get custody of a cat.

The cat's not coming home with me.

Hey, you. You have till the end of the day

to find that cat a home, or I'm taking it to the pound.

I don't care what that lawyer says.

I'm not inheriting a cat because of your housing situation.

I don't get why you guys don't want him.

Mr. Pickles is a primo animal.

Hey, Ricky, listen to me.

I think Mr. Pickles is great.

I like the cat a lot.

But I have a dog. His name's Eddie.

He doesn't do well with small animals,

so I can't take the cat.

And what about you, Robin?

Remind me why you can't take him.

Well, because I don't want to take him,

I'm not gonna take him, I refuse,

and that's that. I don't like cats.

- I'm not a cat guy. Mm. - Harsh, dude.

It is a little harsh, but the best part about that

is Detective Williams here basically is a cat.

I mean, it's like his spirit animal.

Okay.

Why do you say that?

Well, the reason I say that, Daniel,

is because the cat is a solitary animal.

Moody, aloof,

temperamental. They don't socialize well.

And they spend

an inordinate amount of time grooming themselves.

He's right, man.

I totally get a cat vibe off of you.

Oh, do you? Because you don't know me.

I spent two minutes with you five years ago. Shut up.

That's exactly what a cat would say.

All right.

- We gonna go halfsies, all right? - Mm.

I know, I know you said you didn't want anything, but, uh,

come on, get down on this. - No, really,

- I'm-I'm good. - You sure?

I-I already ate. Yeah.

- More for me. - Besides,

I'm... sort of off shellfish right now.

Is that right?

How come?

I saw this documentary about it.

Turns out shrimp are basically

the vacuum cleaners of the ocean,

sucking up all that nasty stuff off the bottom.

- Mm. - Not to mention,

during cleaning, they're disemboweled - Mm.

and essentially left to soak

in their own excrement. - Mm-hmm.

- It's nasty. - Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Was that little speech

supposed to make me stop eating my shrimp burrito?