Maybe It's You

Okay.

I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else.

You are the most beautiful, sweet, kind-hearted person

I've ever met, and you make me happier than I have ever been.

If you give me the chance, I would love to spend

the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.

Will... you marry me?

Oh, you're done?

- Yep. - No, it was good. It was good.

- A little generic, but good. - Generic?

Come on, that was some top-tier shit.

It was shit, I'm not arguing that.

Okay, and I'm going to beat you to death.

Even your death threats have gotten generic.

I'm not done yet, I'm gonna kill you, chop you up

in little pieces and throw you in a river.

Well, if it were me, I would grind up your guts,

turn you into an aged sausage, then feed you

to people I don't like at dinner parties.

Two birds, one stone, I like that.

- Thank you. - I would-I would bleed you out.

And use your skin as a coat.

Oh, that doesn't sound very warm.

- On a fall day with a cardigan? - See, that's poetic.

Why don't you use that in your proposal?

No, no, Taylor, I don't think she'll go for that.

Well, if she doesn't respond favorably

to the idea of you wearing her skin on a fall day,

then I don't think she's the girl for you.

She is, and you're gonna meet her.

- And you're gonna love her. - Mm, yeah.

I don't know about that. You haven't had

great taste in women since college.

Plus, if she's so great, then why have you been

hiding her from me for the last two times I've been out here?

I didn't want you to scare her away.

Oh, by the way, I know you like to snoop around,

I put all the good stuff in the top sock drawer.

Thank you. Are you sure it's cool

if I crash with you for so long?

I can always get an Airbnb.

Uh, I can't really afford that, but...

Stop. You're always welcome, okay? Breakup or not.

- Thank you. I appreciate it. - Of course, dude.

Now, get out of my car. I have to go.

- Okay. - Oh, by the way.

Do you mind showering before dinner

because you kinda smell like an airplane toilet.

Thank you for noticing. You know, this car makes you

look like a child molester, in case you're wondering

why the cops are knocking at your door.

- Okay. - Awesome. Have a great day.

- Thank you do much. You too. - Yep, have a good day at work.

- Thank you. Oh, your key. - Oh, God, thanks.

- Bye, honey! Bye, sweetheart! - Okay, bye! Bye, honey!

Half past the hour

on this snowy Chicago morning.

Here's some Aaron Espe that'll weather the storm.

Carl, what's up, dude?

- Hey! - Oh, hi!

Funny seeing you here.

Actually, that's perfect because I came back up to give you this.

You left it at my place last night.

- What would I do without you? - Get fired, I think.

- I can adapt. - You're too old to adapt.

- That's true. - Yeah, okay. I am late.

And my Stevens meeting got moved uptown,

so I won't have time to get the dry cleaning.

I got it. This elevator's taking forever.

- The button. Right. - Yeah.

- What would you do without me? - See you tonight?

- 7:30. Thank you. I love you. - I love you.

I don't think it went.

Okay. I'm buying a pretzel.

Hey, we're about to eat dinner.

You keep saying that and I'm still starving.

I told you not to smoke all of that.

You also said this bitch was

going to be here twenty minutes ago.

Hey, you need to chill. Taylor has a thing about pot,

and I want her to like you, so please just...

- Here she comes. Here she comes. - Hi!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My, my cab driver hit a pigeon

and he was inconsolable, and I felt terrible

leaving him and it was this whole thing.

Ah! Hey!

Do you think that pigeon's up for grabs?

Uh, Taylor, Lexa. Lexa, Taylor.

- You're Lexa? - Yes. Right? Yeah.

- Nice to meet you. - Okay, let's eat.

Uh, yeah, yeah, we know a great Italian bistro a few blocks out.

- What about this place? - My place has great focaccia.

This place has a buffet.

Oh, it also has a, a D health rating.

I've never even seen a D before.

Don't.

Well, did you know that there's enough alcohol

in one cocktail to kill most food-borne illnesses?

That doesn't sound like science.

Come on. Hole In The Walls have the best food.

Back me up on this, Pistol Pete.

- Okay, smell it. - Yes, it's got nectar in it.

Passion fruit and nectar. Do you smell it?

Yeah, but I also got my lipstick on you.

- You guys are cute. - Oh, thank you.

It's really sweet. Uh, so what about you?

Peter tells me that you were dating someone back in New York.

Luke. Yeah, I was. Past tense.

No, it's fine.

I broke up with him actually.

Um, he had these really big teeth.

It was like making out with a Steinway.

I used to be like that, I used to end things with guys

over the littlest things, like they're going bald,

or they like ironic mugs, or they have two first names.

And then she found me, the perfect male specimen.

No. I, um, realized I didn't want to be alone.

Ah, see, I just love the idea of ending up alone.

Wait. You're saying you settled?

No, bear, I didn't mean it like that.

Kinda sounded like it, but it's okay,

you're way out of my league, it's all good.

So, so what about now? A-are you trying to get back out there?

No, no, no, no, not quite. Um, I'm just focusing on

launching this app I've been designing.

Yeah. It's great. I can't

believe no one's thought about this, tell her.

- No, it's not a big deal. - Dude, come on.

Okay, um, so, it's helps you find the closest dive bar.

So you know, like, when you're out with your friends

and you're like, "Oh, we don't wanna go home,

but where do we go?" That's where my app comes in.

Oh, isn't that a feature on Google Maps?

Yeah, but mine has, um, pictures and reviews.

Oh, Yelp?

It-it might not work, but, um...

Honestly, I'm just trying to finish something for once.

I have this really bad habit of starting

things and then dropping them.

Ugh! I'm like that with knitting.

You know, I can't tell you the number of sweaters

that end up as scarves.

Are you guys ready to order or do you need a minute?

Thank God! No, no, no, I'm ready.

I'm gonna do the-the, the spaghetti,

and the chicken marsala, and the bruschetta.

Um, and more of this bread.

- Please. - Oh, wow!

- Woof! - Thanks.

Uh, yeah, we're gonna share the Caesar salad,

and then, uh, the-the veal par-ma-ji-yana.

Peter doesn't eat veal.

- Yeah, I do. - He does.

What? Don't you remember that video that we watched in college

about veal farming, you had a panic attack.

You joined the animal rights club.

- No, I didn't. - You were dating that girl Pond.

- Her name was Lake. - You ate hemp meat.

That was, like, no, that was a long time ago.

Yeah. You went through a really long phase with the hemp meat.

- Long time ago. - It was a long time ago.

- No... - Long time ago...

All right, sorry. The-the first time I-I

cooked for you, I made veal meatballs.

Yeah, that was.. They were-they were delicious.

You cried. You cried and you said that it was,

um, because you were in love with me.

- It was mostly because of that. - Because of the veal?

It was not because of the veal.

Honey, those cows are put in little tiny cages with no light.

Peter, it's not about the cows. You lied to me.

I know. I love you. I'm sorry I lied

'cause I love you, I didn't wanna hurt your feelings.

I've made you veal like a hundred times since then.

I know.

- Are you laughing at me? - No, I'm laughing at him.

Um, that's so, like, Peter to

reinvent himself for the girlfriend of the week.

Wow!

She's not the girlfriend of the week, Lexa. Come on.

Oh, no. Sorry. I didn't mean it like...

- It's fine. - No, seriously.

Don't be mad at him. Don't be mad at him.

He's perfect. Be mad at me.

I'm the idiot. I'm stoned.

- She's not stoned. No, you're... - Yes, I am.

Remember you gave me that dry bag of weed?

Not stoned, you're not stoned.

- Yeah, it's just really funny. - No, I'm sorry.

- Honey. - I had a cough and itching.

No, no, hold me hand. Hold me hand. Hold me hand.

I'm from Ireland. Come on, hold my hand.

Lexa's great.

I didn't realize you guys were so close.

Are we having a fight?

I don't know. Should we be having a fight?

- Well, about what? - I don't know.

You tell me. What are we fighting about?

- Nothing? - Okay.

Then we're not fighting.