Joey

Okay. Lasagna looks good.

Oh, I cannot wait, huh, Michael?

Eh.

I just don't get that excited about food, you know?

If I could take a pill once a day instead of eating,

I'd be happy.

If they make that, I get your food.

All right then I get your pill.

Yeah, you just try to take it.

- Hi, guys. - Hey, Alex.

Mom made some lasagna. You want to join us?

Oh, no, that's okay. I have a healthy frozen dinner in the microwave.

It only has four grams of... Oh, God, real food!

What kind of piece would you like?

What do you mean? Are there different kinds?

All right, class is in session.

There are four distinct types of lasagna pieces, okay?

In the corners are the corner pieces, also known as...

The Joey.

And you have the edge pieces here, here, here and here.

And we have the middle.

And what's the fourth kind?

The piece with Mom's hair in it.

And today there's a fifth kind.

I lost my nail in there.

Um, I guess I'll have a middle.

Oh, she would go for that, hmm?

Are they talking about me in Italian?

They can't speak Italian. They just like to pretend they can.

Tadagio!

Gina, this is incredible.

You got to teach me how to make this.

Dear God, look at her.

I know. It's, it's disgusting.

I love you.

And action.

I don't know if I can do this.

I haven't been with anyone since my wife died three weeks ago.

I think I can make you happy.

No. Cut.

He's fragile here.

I need you to look into his eyes.

Here, I'll show you.

Uh, ooh, ooh. Skin. Germs. Gloves!

It should be like this.

I think I can make you happy.

Hey, you have freckles.

Joey, focus.

I think I can make you happy.

I want to be happy.

Then let me do this.

I want it more like that.

Yeah, that was good. Do it like that.

And then we'll end the scene with your daughter running in and interrupting you.

Okay, so why don't we all take five,

and then we'll come back and finish shooting the scene.

And Joey, "five" does not mean five hours.

You made that clear yesterday; thank you.

Hey.

I didn't like watching you be all flirty with Lauren.

Come on. You know I only have eyes for my daughter.

Joey, can I see you for a minute?

Yeah. Excuse me.

So, you and Katie- what's going on there?

Oh, well, I'm a gentleman, so let's just say

I'm still circling the airport, but I have been given permission to land.

I'm going to leave you hanging on that one.

So, look, Joey, I've worked on a lot of shows before,

and romances between costars never work.

Please. This isn't a problem.

I know how to handle women. It's the thing I'm second best at in the world.

What's the first?

Acting.

It's just that this kind of thing can get messy.

I've seen it happen before.

If it's that important to you, I'll break it off with Katie.

Thank you.

But, hey, if I promise to discontinue service to this airport,

can I make one emergency landing?

- Hey. - Hi.

What's going on?

I am teaching Alex how to make sauce.

She is going to make a lasagna.

Yeah. Eric's back in town tonight, so I'm going to make it for him.

Oh, right, your husband, yeah.

Say, when you're ready, I got some questions about why he's away so much.

Yeah, okay, I'm not ready.

What are you doing?

You said to put a teaspoon in.

Just go like this.

God.

God, you have got to loosen up. Cooking comes from the heart.

It is passionate, sensual.

You got to let go of everything.

Come on, let's do some hip rolls.

You seen enough?

- Oh, yes. - Yeah.

Look, Lauren saw us together, and she thinks it's a bad idea.

What?

She's against on-set romance,

even if the resulting sex is guaranteed to be satisfying and vigorous.

That's terrible.

I know this is hard. It's hard for me, too,

but she's our boss. We have to listen to her, okay? We have to stop.

Do we?

Maybe not; what do you got?

Well... what if we're together, but it's a secret?

Oh, I don't know. Lauren seemed pretty serious.

Come on. You are officially cleared for landing.

That is a strong argument.

All right, okay.

But, hey, listen, if we're going to be together in secret,

we have to be really, really careful.

Well, it's not like Lauren's going to catch us.

She's going to be too busy washing her hands to notice.

Okay.

Well, no one's watching us now, huh?

Wait. Is that camera on?

Uh...

No. I can tell when it's on.

Yeah, it's off.

- Hey, guys. - Hey, Alex.

Hey, Gina, that lasagna turned out so well. My husband loved it.

And I played with the recipe a tiny bit, added a secret ingredient,

and I think it might have turned out better than the one you made.

She didn't mean better.

Better? I thought you said "different. "

Turned out better than mine?

I didn't mean it as an insult.

You taught me. You should be happy that I improved it.

Oh, she had such a pretty face.

I want to taste it.

- We ate it all. - Make another one.

But you're just going to say it's not good.

Then we'll have a taste test, and they'll judge.

Exactly where I hoped this was going.

Wait a sec- "taste test"? Doesn't anyone here have a job?

What do you say? We on?

No, I'm not having a lasagna taste test.

Why? Is fear your secret ingredient.

You're on.

For a second there, I thought it wasn't going to happen,

but then she said the thing, and now they're going to do it.

We were all here, Joey.

Okay. I'm going to go home and get started.

Good. I'll get to the store. I have to go buy my secret ingredient.

Oh, that's okay, 'cause if my grandmother didn't need it

and my mother didn't need it, I don't need it.

Uh, you said the same thing about therapy. I'm not sure you're right.

This is stupid.

I don't want to do a taste test.

Do this for me. I help you with all your tests.

Well, that's just not true.

Come on, just play along.

No, it's not that. I'm not going to be able to tell the difference, okay?

All right, here's what we'll do.

Just pick the lasagna I pick. I'll know which is which.

- Yeah, but... - No, no, no.

I have a secret weapon- a very finely-tuned instrument

which is able to pick up the most subtle flavor differences.

I'll show you, I'll show you.

Go ahead, just put anything in my mouth. Go ahead.

Michael.

Michael.

Oh, that's a good one.

That's it, Brian, thank you.

Okay, let's set up for the scene with the bear.

Oh, hey, Katie.

Didn't notice you there.

Joey, I'd like to see you in my office, please.

I just went there!

What is going on with you two?

What?

She wants to see you in her office,

and yesterday there was that scene she was just "helping" you with.

I saw the way you were looking at her.

I was acting.

You're not that good of an actor.

Am I the only one who thinks I'm good?!

What's up?

So, you and Katie had a little talk?

Yup.

I'm having a hard time believing you broke up with her.

Oh, are you talking about when we were just together on the side of the cabin,

when I was helping her get that splinter out of her tongue?

Let me show you something, Joey.

I have a live feed of the stage.

Oh. I guess it's showoff time.

This is where you were standing yesterday

when you and Katie decided to have a secret relationship.

But I looked at the camera.

The red "off" light was on.

I also heard you laughing about how Lauren will never know

'cause she'll be too busy washing her hands.

I was a little late because I was in the bathroom washing my hands,

but I got the gist.

Look, I'm sorry; we messed up.

But the thing is, we're both adults, okay?

And if we think we can handle this, isn't that our decision?

I mean, as long as it doesn't affect the show.