The Middle

Hey.

Hey.

How do I get off of this thing?

Oh, I told you we should've

broken with those people years ago.

So, listen, uh, thanks for grabbing lunch with me.

There's kind of something I wanted to talk to you about.

Help yourself.

So, I'm on my way to an appointment this morning.

And I get this call from Denver.

Denver? Who do you know in Denver?

Well, it's this guy, Will Harris.

We overlapped for a few weeks at Jackson Plumbing,

and how he's over at Hinterland Sports.

You ever heard of 'em? Camping gear we can't afford?

Right, so it's kind of crazy,

but he says there's an opening in his department

and he wants to know if I want to interview for it.

Guess he thought I had sales chops.

Wow, that's flattering.

Is that something you might actually want to do?

I don't know.

Seems kind of cool and it's a national company,

so you can move up and stuff. But I don't know.

They just want me to come out, talk to 'em, and check it out.

Well, maybe you should.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I've got a day off owed to me,

so I was thinking I could drive out, interview,

and come back the next day.

So, uh, what should I do?

You think it's a good idea?

I do think it's a good idea.

I'll tell you what's a bad idea, though...

- Hm? - Telling your mother.

- Why? - You know how your mom is.

If she thinks there's even a chance of you moving away,

she'll get all worried and freak herself out.

So what do I tell her?

It's a quick trip.

You're in and out so much

she probably won't even notice you're gone.

If she does, I'll cover for ya.

What's with the basket?

I'm putting it together for Grandma for Mother's Day.

Check it out. I've got all her favorite stuff...

Jordan Almonds, a pre-highlighted "TV Guide,"

and a pair of tweezers 'cause she kept asking me

if I took her good tweezers when she was here.

And I yelled at her

and then I realized I actually had by mistakes.

Oh, by the way, I'm really only asking for planning purposes,

are we doing anything Sunday for Mother's Day?

This Sunday?!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I am the worst daughter ever!

Gotcha.

Bah-bam!

Like, I'm ever gonna forget Mother's Day!

- Ahh! - Oh!

What are you doing?

Look, sometimes when a woman reaches a certain age,

she gets hot in the middle of the night

and she needs to get up and go put ice cream sandwiches

under her boobs.

What are you doing up at 3:00 in the morning?

Getting a snack that will never, ever again

be ice cream sandwiches.

Why do you have your briefcase?

Oh, I'm going to work.

Oh. What do you need a duffel bag for at work?

Did I say work?

I meant work out.

Yeah, now's the best time to go

'cause I can get on any equipment I want.

Hmm.

So, anyway, I'm gonna be in and out,

probably more out than in,

so I'll see you when I see you.

Brick! Are you not getting my texts?

We have to figure out Mother's Day.

Oh, if it were 1947,

we could take her to Collier's Family Restaurant,

but it closed in 1983 due to a fire and never re-opened.

That's great!

But we got to find someplace to take Mom in this century.

Ahh, 1983...

that was Box Number Nine.

I worked my way through

all nine boxes of microfiche I got from the library.

And it's over.

Really, Brick?

You read all that microfiche?

Yep. Nine years worth of stories... done.

I should've appreciated it more.

I guess I could go back and look through 'em again.

But, it's not the same

knowing there aren't any new ones coming.

Okay, get up.

Get up. Get up!

Stop living in the past.

You have spent the last year hunched over that thing,

missing out on life.

There is a whole world out there, Brick.

It's called Orson, Indiana.

Hey, you grieve for the microfiche in your way,

and I'll grieve in mine.

Ugh, whatever.

Just think of a Mom gift.

I'm getting an ice cream sandwich.

I hope they're not mushy like last time.

I don't understand this.

Phones are for emergencies and ordering pizza.

That's it.

Look, we're lucky we have a daughter

who wants to share with us.

Not like Axl.

He was acting really weird the other night.

And where's he been lately? It's like he's never around.

Oh, I saw him.

He was in. And then out again.

And the in again.

Oh, he's in now?

Um, y-yeah, I think so.

Oh, 'cause I need to tell him that...

What are you doing?

You know what, I was wrong.

He is out, actually.

He's working out.

Again?

He was working out at the crack of dawn the other day.

Hey, what's wrong with buffing up?

Nothing wrong with going to the gym.

You could certainly go to Curves more.

Uh, well, if we're doling out personal advice,

you could answer your daughter's text.

Get me off this thing.

Brick, what are you doing?

You were supposed to be making a list of potential Mom gifts.

You said I was spending too much time with the microfiche,

and you were right.

I thought I could never love again.

But I've discovered something so much better.

Have you heard of this "Val-U Pack"?

It's loaded with literally

hundreds of dollars worth of savings,

and it comes in this handy carrying case.

Look at all these typefaces...

italic, bold, serif, sans serif...

it's a veritable font of fonts!

And so much creative wordplay.

Check out this gutsy spelling of "Through"... T-H-R-U!

It's almost naughty.

Yeah, I've heard of 'em, Brick. Everyone has.

They come every week.

What?!

How could we be passing up all these great deals?

"Free brake inspection at Tire Time,"

"$10 off Captain Suds power wash,"

oh, and check this out, walk-in tubs.

All these years,

we've been climbing into our tubs like idiots!

This is not what I meant

when I said you should start living life.

"Half off your next pair of contact lenses."

I hope I have bad eyesight 'cause if they botch my...

laser surgery... this lawyer will hunt them down!

Brick, get a grip!

We are not gonna find a gift for Mom in this stupid Val-U Pack!

No, I had those in font groups!

Wait, look at this.

"King's Head Bar and Grill."

Yeah, not a fan of Canterbury Bold.

No, under "50% off fish and chips."

"Trivia Contest Grand Prize...

a trip for two to London for the royal wedding."

This is it.

We got to win this for Mom, Brick.

It's everything she loves...

weddings, the royal family, a trip to actual London?

This would make up for a lot of inflatable foot baths.

True, but this is us we're talking about.

Winning something? You think we even have a shot?

I always think I have a shot.

I'm usually wrong, but let's do it anyway.

I cannot believe you have a fake ID.

Font Club is very underfunded.

That's how we used to raise money...

our treasurer has low scruples and a gift.

Well, he did, until he got expelled.

Yeah, but come on, Brick, you don't exactly look 32.

Look at me from here to here.

I see it now.

I voted in the last election.

Welcome to King's Head.

We got a special tonight on $2 whiskey shots.

Oh, no, no, no. My ID is fake.

Two ginger ales and we'll try the 50% off fish and chips.

I think you're gonna want to roll out the red carpet

when you see that we have a coupon from the Val-U Pack.

You don't need to find Axl.