The Fare

Came to our planet thousands of years ago.

What people don't realize is that they irrevocably

altered our reality.

What was will never be,

and what will be isn't.

I'm not sure I follow you there.

Oops.

They shifted the very fabric

of space and time.

Ew.

Time-traveling aliens.

Are they aliens, Bob?

Or are they us.

All right, goodbye.

You call it masculinity,

but what it really is, let's be honest, it's chauvinism.

Here we go.

Men are taught to conquer.

You find it all across history and theology.

Hades abducts Persephone

and takes her to the underworld to be his bride.

Her father even allows it to happen,

and speaking of father,

Helen of Joyce was afraid her beauty

would start a war amongst her suitors,

only to have her abducted, raped

and to start a war anyway.

After that we have the Romans,

- no improvement there. - Next.

It's not just about the orgasm for her.

Now we're talkin'.

It's intimacy she's missing.

She wants to be close to you,

not just sexually but emotionally.

That's the connection you need to build.

So you mean like talk to her about

feelings and stuff while we're doing it?

Harris, come in.

You've reached the empty shell of the man

who used to be Harris.

How may I be of service to you, my liege?

What's your ETA on that pick up?

Fuck you.

What was that?

I'm here, I think.

Passenger give any better description than county line 10

north of 83?

Like what?

I don't know, mile marker, a sign,

maybe a cactus shaped like a giant dildo.

They're all shaped like dildos.

Well, that's true.

Just drive around until you either find her

or the hill mutants descend upon the cab and devour you.

Make sure they don't scratch the interior.

Roger that.

What do you know?

Not a prank after all.

Call for a cab, Miss?

I sure did.

Please tell me you have heat in there.

As long as you don't mind the smell of burning.

I'll take burning over freezing.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

So where we headed?

Corner of Elm and River Drive, please.

One middle of nowhere comin' right up.

You're right, that smells like burning.

You warm enough yet back there?

I am.

All right.

So what's your name?

Harris.

Can I call you Harry?

Please never do that.

Okay.

Harris, how long have you been driving?

16 years.

Although some nights it feels like forever.

You must like the road.

I don't hate it.

Does it ever get boring?

Occasionally.

What do you do to pass the time?

You know, when not engaged in riveting conversation

with one of your fares.

Games mostly.

What kind of games?

Like, like I got this one where I see

how many green lights I can catch in a row

before hittin' red.

I never said there were fun games.

12.

Huh?

12 green lights in a row.

That's my record.

Your game's not original.

It's respectable, not brag worthy.

You've done more than 12 green lights in a row?

How many?

See, if I told you you'll feel bad about yourself.

How many?

23.

wow, I concede defeat.

As you should.

My name is Penny, by the way.

Like the coin?

Yeah, just like the coin.

So what do you do, Penny like the coin?

I'm sort of in between jobs.

Right now I teach part-time.

Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me.

Literature?

Art, history of DC Comics

with a focus on the Jack Kirby years?

Is that a real thing?

It was a blow off course seniors could take

in my high school.

Hey, I thought Kirby worked for Marvel.

He was at Marvel first

but went over to DC in the early '70s.

Very good though.

Well, thank you.

You obviously took that blow off class,

and you paid attention.

So what do you teach, Penny like the coin?

I teach dancing.

Ah, so close.

What kind of dance?

The kind where you take your clothes off.

It's funny, that's usually a conversation starter.

I guess I never realized there was much of a demand

for teaching people how to strip.

I sort of figured, you know,

you just take it off and shake it.

Next time you're in front of a mirror,

why don't you try that,

and then ask yourself how much would you pay to watch you.

I would probably pay me to keep my clothes on.

Maybe one day you should come by for a lesson.

I'm serious.

It's a confidence builder.

So is gettin' drunk.

Yeah, but who do you do your drinking with?

Just me.

And you're right, it's the company

that makes the difference.

I would say so.

So, Penny like the coin,

you got a dance partner?

Hey Harris.

Go for Harris.

Been some bad weather reports in your area.

Yeah I see it looks like a thunderstorm.

Come back to the city limits

after your drop off.

Roger that.

Is that your boss?

Yeah.

Dispatcher.

He sounds pleasant.

He is not.

We're just a few minutes out.

Whoa.

Y'all right back there?

Goddamn piece of shit.

Harris to dispatch.

Yeah, go.

Ah.

What is it?

I'm not sure.

My coffee's burning.

My passenger.

I'm enjoying this game as much as you are.

She disappeared.

She ditched?

No, she...

She what?

She sure as hell didn't beam out of there.

She kinda did.

You been hittin' the sauce?

What do you think?

Well, if you haven't been drinking,

then I guess she got abducted by aliens.

Appreciate that.

You sure she didn't ditch?

I'm quite sure.

I don't know what to tell ya.

There's no protocol for this.

Reset the meter and come back in.

Call this one a wash.

Wait, that's it.

What else is there?

I'm headed back.

That's a roger.

What they don't realize

is that they irrevocably altered our reality.

What was will never be,

and what will be isn't.

I'm not sure I follow you there.