Fresh Off the Boat

The plugs in your arms and head are gone.

Morpheus?

Your appearance now

is what we call residual self image.

It's a mental projection of your digital self.

This isn't real?

What is real? How do you define real?

Real is simply electrical signals

interpreted by your brain.

This is the world that you know,

the world as it was at the end of the 20th Century.

It exists now only as a neural interactive simulation

that we call the Matrix.

You've been living in a dream world, Neo.

This is the world as it exists today.

That's not what Y2K's gonna be.

You don't know that.

No one knows what's going to happen.

Well, I'm not gonna lose my hair, that's for sure.

You think the world could end?

Yes. The Millennium Bug is coming!

It's the bug of the century.

I caught a big bug with my bra today.

- More like a 36 Double Dead. - Ma!

Guys, this is the first day

of maybe our last summer of our lives.

We've gotta do it all... Ice cream trucks, sunburns,

water slides, skinny dipping,

ice cream trucks.

- Who's with me? - I am.

Mom?

For the next three months

while I'm busy studying for grad school,

you will be by my side PSAT prepping.

Study buddies.

No!

This sucks.

All my friends are going on cool vacations

and I'm stuck studying.

Sounds like you're going on a ton of trips...

on the Complain Train.

I don't need all this college prep.

Eddie, this is not just your future at stake

but my reputation.

How am I gonna become a respected school principal

if I can't even get my own son into a top college?

Whoa, top college?

I was thinking more like Tier 2, Tier 3.

I want less pressure, more fun.

Sit around and relax.

Rejuvenate from the stress of high school.

You get out every day at 1:45.

I know, and my first class starts at 9:00.

Eddie, what did you do to the tub?

Oh, that's Gia, my mega water balloon.

_

I'm leaving Gia in the tub

until I bulk up enough to be able to throw her.

She big.

"She big," Louis.

No water balloons. Real world is coming.

College. You need to grow up.

You've been saying that since I was 3.

College. I'm so jealous of you.

Best time of your life.

You know, I was a bit of a campus legend myself.

Please don't start.

They called me "The Buffalo."

Why'd they call you "The Buffalo"?

Because you couldn't find a hotter wingman.

Hey, what about Maryland?

Go to your old man... And old woman's alma... mata?

Almamatta. Alma mamata?

Alma... Go to our college?

No. Maryland did not make the list.

Do I get a say in any of this?

Oh, Eddie, if only the PSATs

were verbal, math, and comedy.

Don't you think this is a little much?

You don't want to burn Eddie out on college

before he even gets in.

We have to stay on him or he strays.

He proves this over and over again.

If I recall, you weren't exactly

the most focused student in college.

We do not talk about my college days, remember?

Especially not in front of our impressionable son

who has been talking about going to school

in "one of the Arizonas."

Just saying, you made some questionable choices and...

That was different!

It's way more competitive now.

My sister, Connie, started prepping Justin a year out,

and he got into a crap school.

He's a freshman at UCLA. That's a great school.

Ugh, you sound just like Connie.

I want better for Eddie,

not just so I can rub it in Connie's face,

but because I want him to have the best possible future,

which I could also rub in Connie's face.

Well, it might help Eddie get more excited

if he knew there was more to it than just academics.

It's about making connections,

socializing, living on your own...

The whole experience.

Trust me, there is no experience

like the feeling Eddie will get

when he graduates Harvard

and sees my glowing stare of approval.

Whoa!

Do I look cool now?

Mr. Ice.

Yeah, just breeze on through.

Emery, join us.

We're watching Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Twins."

It's Danny DeVito's "Twins."

Perfect timing. Easy on the eyes.

There's rumors of Arnold entering politics,

so I've become a big fan.

How can you sit and watch TV with this Y2K thing coming?

We're totally unprepared.

We need to start stocking up on supplies, rations,

valuables we can use to trade with other survivors.

That's gonna require some cash.

Exactly.

We need to get summer jobs.

Mm. Act responsible while everyone else gets crazy.

Or live it up.

We won't be around to face the consequences.

Y2K!

Something just clicked,

and I fell on board with sunglasses.

I'm just jealous you actually got to go somewhere this summer.

Not somewhere, Eddie. Ball State.

Damn.

You were on a college campus? Fun!

Oh, yeah. We piled into the Suburban,

popped in some Reba,

and Burger King'd our way straight to my sister's dorm.

Ah.

Eddie, that's it.

We'll take a family trip to college.

That'd be sick!

Until Mom makes me take PSATs the whole time.

I think you'll be surprised.

Once your mom's on campus,

you may see a different side of her.

There's no chance we're even getting there.

Mom always says sleep is our vacation.

Trust me, I know her weak spot.

Connie.

I know my weak spot... Toe massages.

Family trip to California!

Oh, that's great. Whose family?

Us. Us family.

Dad's taking us to visit Justin at UCLA.

He's in summer classes.

We can't. We just got new jobs.

Use your vacation and sick days.

They'll understand. I'm a boss.

Dad just Y2K'd our jobs.

Louis, we're saving for college,

not wasting money to go visit one

on the other side of the country.

My brother flies for Delta. He'll get us free tickets.

We can stay with Justin... No hotel.

And the best part?

If Eddie turns down UCLA for Harvard,

you can rub it in Connie's face.

Okay! Pack your bags, boys.

We're going to college!

Does your roommate have any diseases, Justin?

Ugh. Never mind.

I assumed when you called

it would be just Eddie staying with me.

Well, that's why you're in college...

To learn things you didn't know.

Hey, how come there's no sock on the door?

Kidding.

Amazing bookstore.

Oh, Marley, nice.

No woman, no cry... mon.

Oh, sweet. I had one of these.

Mine was red. If it could talk, whoo.

Louis, calm down. Where's Grandma and the boys?

She said she needed the campus ATM

before they went sightseeing.

They're here, too?

Great.

Fill out the form and you'll get a credit card

and a free T-shirt.

Grandma, we don't have jobs to pay these off, remember?

So?

_

_

Y2K.

She's right, Emery.

We tried to do the responsible thing, and it didn't matter.

Let's just live it up while we can.

Y2K.