Little Mosque on the Prairie

- Yasir, could you ... - Out of the question.

But you don't even know what it is yet.

Its a blanket rejection. I don't need to know.

I just need a ride to the airport.

- The Mercy airport? - Mercy doesn't have an airport.

Exactly. You need a ride to the city where the airport is.

- So it's a yes? - That's a two-hour drive.

I have a business to run.

You need someone with nothing to do all day.

Good morning.

I'm just on my way to the park, to feed the birds.

Could you give me a lift? I need to pick up a friend from the airport.

Ooh, an adventure.

We are going to the airport, we are going in style.

Never driven on a convertible on a gravel road before.

Well, I told you. We are going in style.

So, tell me about this friend we are waiting for.

Ali?

Ah, went to law school together. He's a bit shallow.

Self centred. Always have a way of showing me up.

I meant, what does he look like?

Oh. Typical Bay Street lawyer. Flashy suit, $50 hair cut.

The point is, I moved on. I realized there's something more to life.

Something spiritual. Something Ali would never understand.

Salam aleikum, brother Amaar.

Waleikum salam.

Ali?

I'm an imam now.

Funny. When you described him. I thought: short guy.

- Season 2 Episode 6 - Rival Imam

Fatima, was the name of the Prophet Mohammad's daughter, peace be upon him.

Fatima the gracious.

Actually Ali, Fatima means...

No. You're right. Carry on.

So, who wants lemon cake?

I'm trying to cut back.

I'll take some. In fact, bring three pieces.

Because when they see mine, they're going to want some.

and I'm not the kind of imam who shares.

Alright, three slices coming up.

- He has money, right? - Yeah.

So, eh, what made you decide to give up law and becoming an imam?

- Actually I was going to... - Ali, I was talking to Ali.

Well, I just won a landmark,

class action is best this case against the major corporations

and on behalf of literally hundreds of severely wronged families,

and I thought, there has to be something more.

There was only one slice, so I had to cut it into three.

Are you sure my piece didn't just fall off on his?

So, how long you staying in town?

Oh, I'm just in town for the day. Heading to the coast.

Going to do some work with homes for humanity.

Oh. All those things where a team of people build a house.

I guess you could do it in teams.

Well, I hope you enjoyed our little town.

Friends, my belief is that people are the same where ever you go.

With the same aspirations, and yearnings, and failings.

Except here I got a white cab driver.

You coffee is on the house.

Ho, Mercy. Day 22 of the worst draught the prairie has seen, since...

well, last summer.

And while the good citizens of Mercy are bathing in tea cups,

and letting their lawns die,

there are those amongst us, certain scar flaws,

who, are going through water like it was... water.

Hmm. I have here a list, of the town's biggest water wasters.

and the only non-laundromat on the list is, hold on to your turbans...

Mercy mosque.

What are they doing with all that water?

Building a hydrogen bomb?

Or is it something sinister?

Is the mosque building a hydrogen bomb?

No, of course not.

I don't understand. What other kind of bombs uses that much water?

They're not building a bomb. It's probably just the wudu.

Oh. Where you sacrifice the chicken, and everybody dance around.

No. That's voodoo. This is wudu. It's a washing ritual.

Before we pray, Muslim have to wash each body parts three times.

It's like your entire religion is based on obsessive compulsive disorder.

Oh, Christian have holy water?

Yeah, we don't go spraying around all over the place...

unless there's a vampire coming.

I'm sure the Muslim of Mercy are very careful about how much water they use.

Well, all it takes is one bad apple.

And this is the prayer hall.

See now, this is nice. This is all you need.

Oh. I'm sure your mosque in Toronto is nice.

Yeah, but you lose the intimacy in a space that big.

Plus those old cathedral don't face Mecca.

So you have to pray in the corner?

Well, we did. But... We are having the whole building turned.

- Turned? - Jack it up, turn it 45 degrees.

It's a nightmare.

But I guess you got to use the donation for something.

Yeah. We ah... just got a new shoe carbie..

Oh, to replace the old one out there?

- No. That is the new one. - Oh.

Yasir.

Come meet my friend, imam Ali. He's visiting us from Toronto.

- Salam aleikum, brother Yasir. - Waleikum salam.

So you have your own mosque?

- They're having it turned. - Just 45 degrees.

Be careful of these big city contractors. They over promise, and under deliver.

Contractors are busy, because their talents are rare.

In a world where there're so many tear down, They build up.

Yes.

Excuse me, I must meet with a client.

You're laying on a bit thick, just because he's a contractor.

Oh, he's a contractor.

Finally, a real imam with the beard.

- Everybody reads from the same Quran. - Yes, but his is not a pocketbook edition.

OK, everyone, take a seat.

OK. I guess you're wondering why I ask you all here today.

Actually, you didn't ask us here today. We were already here, and you just walk in.

You didn't even knock.

Well, I was going to ask you here tomorrow, today...

But then you're all here today. So I'm just asking you here today, today.

OK. As you know, there is a drought. And I have two words for you.

- Are they: Knock, knock? - No. "Green mosque".

- I'm not painting the mosque green. - No environmental...

Low-flow sinks, low-flow toilets, and light timer that go out at night.

I like it. We're under fire for using too much water.

- So let's fight fire with less water. - No.

Oh Baber, you're just against it because I'm for it.

That's one reason.

- And it is a good reason... - It doesn't matter.

I'm not putting my entire business, on hold, to retrofit this mosque.

It's government funded.

- You'll be paid in full. - Who will save the planet if not us.

You coming? I don't want to miss dinner.

Your farewell dinner. I've been looking forward to it.

Going already. And my Fatima's card is six stamps shy of a free samosa.

- There's a Fatima's card? - Oh yeah. You didn't eh...

Never mind.

- Sad to see you go, buddy. - Maybe I should stay another day.

No no. You got to keep heading west. See the Rockies.

I don't think the Rockies are going anywhere.

Roll the dice if you want to.

The important thing is: Tonight, we dine.

Yes. But I wouldn't get my hopes up. It's just Fatima's.

Surprise.

Salam aleikum, sister Fatima.

Waleikum salam. Here is a free samosa for your trip tomorrow.

- I guess I won't needing this anymore. - I'll take it.

They're not transferable.

Brother Amaar. Sorry to interrupt.

- I need spiritual guidance. - Of course, brother Baber.

Thank you. Brother Ali, I need your help.

- They're turning our mosque green. - Lime green or forest green.

- Hey. Everything OK? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Did you know they have a Fatima's card? - Yeah. Everybody knows that.

- So, everything's alright? - I had better days.

You know who you should talk to? Ali. He's good.

Enough of Ali. I'm sick of this Ali mania.

I wondered what his last name was.

He's not who you think he is.

I know this guy. He's ego maniac.

He doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Sadly, brother Amaar is correct.

- Hey Ali. - I was everything he said I was.

But I changed. And I wrote about this experience in my book.

"Rainbow of Change".

Huh. You wrote "Rainbow of Change"?

I love that book.

- An imam and an author. - He should talk at Friday prayer this week.

I can't impose further on Amaar's hospitality.

If we don't have a bearded imam expounded on a topical issue,

with Quranic citations, it will disappoint the children.

Hey. I'm no Grinch.

The bearded imam is staying.

Yea...

Oh, starfallah.

Baber, you made a wrong turn? Or, are you ready to convert?

No, no. I just have to use your bathroom.

- Yes, well. As the good Lord once said to... - Oh, yeah. Thank you very much. Bye...

He admit to the...

......

- Salam aleikum. - Waleikum salam.

Hope you don't mind, I'm getting some work done.

Bill Clinton will not stop emailing me.