Powerless

Aw, I loved Olympifury.

Green Fury is saving people in a burning building!

- Thanks. - You'll be okay here.

Green Fury, is that guy your new boyfriend?

Have you gained a bunch of weight

since The Olympian dumped you?

Did he dump you because you didn't want children?

Or did he dump you because you do?

Hey! This woman just saved an entire building,

and all you care about is who she's dating?

Yes! Thank you!

And I don't understand why people

keep calling me Green Fury.

I mean, I understand the "Green" part,

but I literally save people's lives for a living!

Watch out!

Green Fury!

You okay?

Yeah. Thanks.

Hey! I owe you one.

Oh.

If you're ever in trouble,

just push that button.

Thanks. I will.

Oh, come on.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

You bitch.

You knew I liked her.

- Wh... - How dare you?

No...

So you're telling me, if you push that, Green Fury will come?

- It's what she said. - I'll give you $10,000 for it.

It's for emergencies, Teddy.

And Green Fury just came off dating The Olympian.

I don't know if you're her type.

- Ooh! - Okay. All right, all right.

If it's the abs things, I been working on mine.

I watched this YouTube video all about airbrush contouring

for this area, and it's pretty photo-real

if I just, like, constantly stand in front of her

at the exact same angle.

We did a dry run. I was mesmerized.

Uh-huh. Shredded!

I'll kick in 500 bucks if I can be there

to watch her break his heart.

Aww, thank you, Wendy. Okay, so we're at $10,500 now.

Are you really gonna walk away from that?

So are you walking away from that,

or are you just... walking away?

Ah, there she is!

Who's ready for her first board meeting?

This gal!

I can't believe the board even knows who I am.

They don't! They said if I wanted to bring

a lesser person to make me feel important,

that I could.

Well, they'll know who I am soon.

I've got some great ideas on the Wayne Security Poncho.

Do you want me to tell you now

or surprise you in front of the board?

Ooh, I so love surprises, but...

Listen, why don't we go with door number three?

Hmm? You don't talk at all.

Well, if I don't talk, what do I do?

Quite a bit, actually.

If I make a funny, you make a laughy.

But, Van, this is my chance

to meet the top executives at the company.

Okay, it is my moment to shine!

And shine you will, Emily. Shine you will.

But dimly. Very dimly.

Can you believe Van wants me to sit silently

in my first board meeting?

Actually, he's right.

If you want to move ahead in this company,

you don't pitch them your ideas.

You tell the idiots in that boys club

how brilliant their ideas are.

So you want me to be a yes-man?

It works for Van.

He is the Mozart of sucking up.

Jackie, hey, send Charles a cheese log

as a congratulations for his vasectomy.

He'll get that that's a penis joke, right?

I'll throw in some chestnuts and a nutcracker.

Chestnuts?

I don't get it.

He doesn't get it.

Mommy!

You better not be having any fun.

Mom!

I hate this place, and I'm all out of tape.

Hey, next time you put tape all over your face,

start with your mouth.

Jackie! You brought your daughter?

I love kids.

You can put anything in their pockets,

and no one ever checks.

Hey, Ruby, do you want to go shopping?

- Yeah! - She can't.

She was suspended from school

because she hit another kid.

Dope!

So what'd the punk do to deserve an ass-whupping?

Well, I don't know, because Ruby refuses to tell me.

Hey, do you want to go hide thumbtacks in Steve's sandwich?

- Cool! - No.

Unfortunately, she's too young to understand

that you're a cautionary tale.

You're sitting quietly by me.

- Lame! - Lame!

I'm sorry.

You're lame!

- Your mom is so lame. - I know.

So we'll just toss that money into the fake charity

we made for tax purposes,

unless anyone has any moral objections.

Don't laugh as loud as me.

- I'm not. - Okay, shh.

All right, next item on the agenda

is the Wayne Security Poncho.

It is resistant to lasers, gamma rays, fire,

and, apparently, consumers.

Oh, no!

Our sales are as low

as Charles' sperm count.

Kink in the hose!

So we are discontinuing it.

Oh, no! The head honcho just killed the poncho.

Oh! Oh!

Uh, wait a minute.

You can't just give up on the poncho.

It's a fantastic product.

Which no one is buying, but you know who is?

This guy!

Come on. First round is on me.

Uh, no.

I would like to hear out the young lady

who just shut down our entire meeting.

Well, the reason it's not selling

is because it doesn't have a cool factor.

What we really need is a spokesperson

that will make it cool by association.

Like a Kevin James.

He is the King of Queens.

I was thinking someone like a superhero.

Oh, my.

Superheroes don't do commercials.

- I can get Green Fury. - Oh, my God.

I think maybe you could order green curry,

but don't give any to me because it makes me repeat.

Did you butt-dial me,

or do I need to ruin someone's day?

Um, I'm sorry, I-I didn't get your name.

- Van Wayne. - It's Emily. Emily Locke.

I gave you that button for emergencies.

Well, and this is an emergency,

a work emergency,

which some people would say is actually...

I'm not hawking your dumb poncho.

- I'm a superhero. - Yeah. You are.

But right now, the world sees you

like this.

Damn it!

I was saving that doughnut shop.

I wasn't eating there.

No one asks The Olympian if he's packed on a few pounds,

and I eat one lousy doughnut and I'm on every cover.

Don't listen to them, Green.

Your body's bangin'.

- Who the hell's this dick? - Well...

I'm Vanderveer Wayne, and for the record,

I think The Olympian was crazy to dump yo' ass.

He didn't dump me. I dumped him.

No wonder the Justice League doesn't take me seriously

when this crap is all they see.

Well, what if we showed them something else?

We will build a campaign

that will show the world how strong, smart,

and capable you are.

The Justice League will come crawling for you.

Yeah, and it doesn't matter

how many guys dump you

or how many doughnuts you stuff in your face

to drown your sorrows.

- Van, I got this. - All right.

Oh, what the hell?

Things can't get any worse.

I'll do it.

But if you make me look stupid in any way,

remember that I shoot fire out of my hands.

Don't worry. We're gonna make you look great.

- We're the best and brightest. - Hey, Green Fury!

I can show you where the secret bathroom is.

She's looking at me!

She's looking at me!

No, she's looking at me!

Is she okay?

No.

You pressed the Green Fury button without me?