Brockmire

You know anything yet?

- Jim, I asked for privacy. - Yeah, and I said no.

Look, I'm sorry, it's just the first time

I ever hoped a pregnancy test was positive.

It's weird, it's like praying for an audit.

You didn't want to do this with Gayle?

Uh, no, I didn't want her to have to deal

with the disappointment if it was negative, which...

Shit.

- It's positive. - Oh, come on.

- No, it's positive. - It is?

- Yeah. - Oh, my God!

- What, I don't even know. - I have no idea.

Hey, Jim, what do you have in your belly right now?

Oh, well, last night's lo mein.

Why, Gabby, what do you have in your belly right now?

- My fucking baby! - Oh, my God!

Oh!

Hey, Gayle, it's me. Are you in here?

- Oh, hey. - Hey, babe, look.

- Holy shit. - I know, right?

And I know it took me a little while to come around at first,

but now that it's really happening,

I have never been more sure of any decision.

Wait, wait, what are you doing?

I'm joining you. We have to celebrate.

No, we don't want to get all pruney.

Let's celebrate in the living room.

I'm sorry, I couldn't hold my breath any longer.

But I heard the news, though. Congrats.

Skied high out to shallow right.

Sanchez gets a very late break on that ball,

and oh, it drops in.

Oden heads on home to score.

That was not a particularly good showing

for Sanchez, was it, Gabby?

Did he get a poor angle on that ball,

or just a bad read?

Uh, both.

Well, that's very astute,

because so often in today's world,

we force ourselves into a binary thought process,

when in reality, two things can be true at once.

Fastball fouled down the right side this time.

Still, you got to be wondering

what is going through Sanchez's mind right now.

Oh, probably just reliving his own failure

over again and again, just wondering "why me?"

And, like, "what did I do to deserve this humiliation?"

Williams lines that one out to right.

Manwaring corrals it,

and you can put this one in the books, folks.

Oakland loses to Kansas City by a count of 9-1.

Stay tuned for the post game wrap-up with Sam and Dave.

What is going on with you? Are you still in shock?

Did you tell Gayle? Was she... was she excited?

She was surprised. Everyone was surprised.

Wish I could have been there to see it.

I mean, all this beautiful, intense female emotion

just cascading forth.

You guys are a... you're a living womb

of love and laughter and light.

This baby's going to have two mothers, Gabby.

Two women just in it together, melding their maternal powers

to create the peak upbringing experience.

Oh, happy times. Just...

happy, happy times.

I'm sorry, I don't want to hear your 20-minute breakdown

on whatever bullshit you watched

on Discovery Investigation.

Well, you don't have to,

because Dakota loves murder just as much as I do.

Dakota.

Nobody loves murder!

Look, we are supposed to be raising a baby together.

When I said that I wanted to start a family,

I was using it as an excuse not to move to Oklahoma.

But then you got all Gabby-like, and super type A.

Found a doctor, picked the sperm, got injected,

all before we had a second conversation.

And then, you get pregnant on the first try.

Like, what non-teenage girl does that?

A goddamn champion, that's who.

And you were there for all those decisions,

and I'm sorry, but you never said shit.

I did.

I tried to end this relationship three times,

and you always talked me out of it.

Because you don't make good cases. Your evidence is weak.

Well, now it's strong.

I think that's why I did it.

I blew up our life because

then you would finally hear me.

Okay.

Then that's... yeah, then fine. I am ready to hear you.

What are you trying to say?

After 10 years with you, I get to be new to someone again.

These past six weeks with Dakota have been

the most passionate and intense experience of my life.

Like, when was the last time

that we had sex on the kitchen floor?

You had sex on the kitchen floor?

Where else?

- Not on my loveseat. - Oh, God, no, of course not.

Okay, all right, yeah.

That means a part of you does still love me,

because... because you know how much this piece means to me.

Because you remember how I fell for it

on our vacation, remember, in Maine.

And I had it shipped back to our apartment

even though it was, like, ridiculously expensive.

And then, I dragged it with us through six apartments

in four different cities because wherever you

and this piece of furniture were,

that was home. Our home.

We didn't have sex on it because that thing

is made out of sharp angles and sandpaper.

I've always hated it.

Terrible news. Just... just terrible.

Come on in.

Is that a loveseat?

Uh, hope you don't mind,

I was feeding Clemenza when you called.

Oh, he's my turtle. He came with the place.

He's 100 years old.

Oh, that would explain the weird smell.

What smell? Hey, buddy.

Hey, were your hidden inner ears burning there?

Say hi, Clemenza. Say hi.

Mm, no, if that thing comes near me, I'ma kick it.

Here we go.

Oh, wow, he does stink. You're right.

Well, basically a 100-year-old ballsack inside of that shell.

- I mean, can you blame him? - This is a nightmare.

- Morning. - It's 3:00 p.m.

But hey, time is a construct, isn't it?

- Breakfast for you? - Just coffee.

Well then, you are in luck,

because Charles sent me a bag

of the best coffee in the world.

These beans are dug out of the poop of the Asian Palm Civet.

That's a... a catlike creature

that inhabits the jungles of Sumatra.

I'm going to interpret your seeming lack of interest

as depression and I'm going to continue here.

No, these literal magic beans

have their acidity removed from them

through the wonders of intestinal biology.

At $200 a bag,

they're a totem for the wanton opulence

that defines late stage capitalism.

But you know, I...

I got it for free, so what do I care?

Oh, boy, oh.

Uh, you want to talk about it?

No, you wouldn't understand.

Now, okay.

I realize that what I'm about to say should never be said

by an old white man to a young gay woman of color,

but I understand exactly what you're going through.

Well, come on, every broadcaster in the world

who's ever called a baseball game

after walking in on their wives cheating on them

is sitting right here on this very uncomfortable loveseat.

Any-whoodles, I'm here for you.

Please use me as a resource.

Just... just ask me anything.

Is the cat shit coffee ready?

One cup of cat shit, coming right up.

Look after Clemenza for me.

Bye, Jim.

God damn.

Jesus.

Just, like, so much stool softener.

Yeah, you offer no comfort.

You got this.

Okay.

All right.

Nope.

The tortoises of the Galápagos

live on seven of the islands. The islands...

Hey.

Um, how was your day?

Hm, I watched a bird commit suicide, so better.

God, this thing's even more uncomfortable than it looks.

It's actually... it's pitching me forward

as if it doesn't want to be sat on.

How can something be too small to fit two people comfortably,

but too large to fit into any space?

- Shut up. - I hope that you...

Can you please just stop talking?

Every time you open your mouth, you make things worse.

Sorry, sorry, just... I want to be here for you.

Okay, then just, like,

be quiet and just watch the movie.

Great, okay. What are we watching?

"Dunkirk."

Oh, the Christopher Nolan movie?

No, I haven't seen this one. I'm... I'm excited.

It's pretty good. I mean, I don't know.