A la mala

Hi.

An Esperanto, please.

Thanks.

Sorry!

- I spilt it on you. - Don't worry, no problem.

My friends were probably going to spill their drinks on me anyway.

It's not the same for a friend to spill a drink on you

and a stranger to do so.

Well...

Hi.

I'm Jeronimo.

Hi, Jeronimo.

See? We're not strangers anymore.

No, we're not.

I'm Maria Laura. Mala, for short.

Really?

How mala, or cruel, are you?

- Not the first time you hear that. - No.

- Terrible joke, by the way. - Sort of.

You were drinking...

Tequila.

It won't bite, it's just a puppy.

Come on.

I'm the one who bites.

- I swear he talks. - No way!

Really, Mala. He talks.

- I don't believe it. - He told me clearly...

I'm going to castrate you, you son of a bitch!

What's up, darling? Weren't you away?

Stop playing the fool. My friends warned me.

What are you talking about, darling?

Who were you with?

Me? Just now?

Martita, Juan's girlfriend. Our neighbor.

Martita my balls, idiot.

This is Mala Medina.

Hi.

- Thanks. - Back at you.

This isn't Jeronimo's fault.

The poor guy is a creep...

Like all men.

They can't help it, it's in their DNA.

Just like leaving the toilet seat up,

looking right through a woman's clothes

and burping once they get to know you better.

Careful, there. Before we get into any argument,

I don't do this to screw them over.

I do it for the money.

I'm a professional.

I'm not a prostitute or a detective.

That's different.

It all began thanks to my best friend's boyfriend.

I swear he's cheating on me, I swear.

8 MONTHS EARLIER

- Rafa isn't cheating on you. - Hi.

Sure he is.

- All men are creeps. - Yes, they all are.

Except your boyfriend.

Okay, is your boyfriend a guy?

- Obviously. - Then he's a creep.

See?

You drank all the milk.

Oh, no! You know what happened?

We drank our milk

from our fridge

in our apartment.

Didn't you bring your own milk from your place?

That's what rent's for.

How many months do you owe?

Didn't you have an audition?

They gave the role to William Levy again.

It's a musical, he can't even sing.

Just like you, incomplete actors.

Listen, I don't sing

because I'm a real actress.

- Trained professionally... - Not again!

Okay, okay. I heard you.

So, we were discussing what a creep your boyfriend is.

Oh, my God.

Yesterday, I dreamed that I got bitten by a spider.

I was speaking Swedish.

Rafa didn't understand a word. Not a word.

That's obvious.

From a psychoanalytical point of view, I mean.

See? He's cheating on me, Mala.

I have to go.

I'm late.

Stop being so paranoid, you're nuts.

- Are you going to an audition? - Yes, two of them.

I'll probably get something today.

Kika, I promise I'll pay the rent I owe.

- Bye. -It's two months.

There you go. Let's do it.

With Tampix,

you always feel good.

Good.

Good, good, good.

No, wrong.

Could you say it a bit less disheartened?

- Sure. - With a bit more joy,

enthusiasm, energy.

Okay.

Think "fresh." Think "fresh."

With Tampix,

you always feel good.

Look, you're giving me...

The graveyard version.

I need it to be like at a fair. You know?

Kids, horses, balloons.

Elephants. Cotton candy.

Sorry, but...

What woman feels cotton-candy happy

when she's on her period?

Come on, nobody does. It's impossible.

I know. I'm a woman, and I know about these things.

Sure.

- Thanks a lot, Maria Fernanda. - Maria Laura.

You have to imagine a bear coming from this side.

What do you do? You get scared and jump

and hide. You say,

"No bear, wait! Don't eat me, don't eat me!"

But since it doesn't understand...

You're here, you jump up,

and when you get here, what do you discover?

- You're an actress, aren't you? - Yes.

Think of a color. What will you discover?

That the mattress is what?

Simply perfect.

Then the bear goes...

It doesn't understand Spanish, because it's American.

An American bear.

What? I wasn't born on stilts, so what?

Maria Laura Medina.

- Hi. - Hi.

The creative team and agency director are waiting.

Recording, sir.

Action.

More seductive, please. I need you to seduce him.

You love the guy, he's a god. You want to be with him.

More, more seductive. Fill both glasses.

- Maria Laura, the glasses. - Yes.

A bit faster.

Look into his eyes, please.

I'll look at him after I pour the drinks.

Your hand is on the label, scoot it over a bit.

The other glass, too. Rhythm, I need speed.

Show the product.

- Are both glasses full? - Yes, they are.

Now, sit on his lap.

Holding the glass.

You're covering his face.

We need to see him. Don't cover him.

Slip your hand underneath...

Pretend you want to get him drunk and take him home.

Move your hand. You won't take him home like that.

- Show the glass. -Try to get him drunk.

- Lower. - I can't see his face.

Here is the glass, I'm taking him home.

Maria Laura, cut. Cut, cut.

You guys can't be serious.

What you want isn't possible.

You all speak at the same time.

You want the glass, the brand, sit down, seduce him.

It's impossible, ridiculous!

It's advertising, sweetie.

I know it's advertising, but...

It's impossible.

See? You have to hire professionals.

This naturalism style doesn't work.

Listen, you piece of steak.

Unlike you and those tall booties out there,

I studied four years of dramatic literature and theater.

Three advanced acting workshops.

Two text analysis courses...

You're one of those straight-A students

who nobody invited to parties, aren't you?

What does that have to do...

Look, I don't know much about advanced acting,

but I do know, my dear...

Maria Laura, that men are attracted by sight.

We doth need New Sheep here.

Who's the nosy guy?

He owns the company, he's the client. Let's go.

We need visual attraction.

That is, a pair of hooters to sell tequila. Period.

- Fine. - You know,

I doubt they'll be calling you.

I'm not interested anyway.

Bravo, bravo!

Keep filling television with chauvinist content.

That's how far your brains go! I can't believe it.

I think she's great.

She's great.

RESERVED FOR CEO Esperanto Tequila

CEO

Here's your visual attraction, creep.

Tell them I'm on my way.

To wait for me there.

Your exes, sir.

They're always so thoughtful.