Lajko: Gypsy in Space (Lajkó – Cigány az űrben)

There is a saying

it goes something like this:

"History is written by the victors."

I don't remember who said it,

but it's total bullshit.

History is written by quiet and brave heroes.

Communist heroes.

On January 30th, 1934,

Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko

successfully spent seven hours

at twenty-two thousand meters.

If you want to go to space, first you have to reach the stratosphere.

There is only one way to achieve that.

With the help of the farmers collective.

- Can I jump, uncle Jenö ? - Wait !

You can come now.

What happened to the Russians ?

Well, the comrades died gruesomely,

but, with proper preparation,

I think you can pull it off...

Maybe.

So, little shitbags,

that's the Dagger, that's the Crown and that one is the Lantern.

Karcsi, Sanyi and Tibci.

If you don't behave yourselves, I'll kick you so hard in the butt

you'll get to see your constellation up close

a lot sooner than God intended.

And me...

Where is my constellation ?

You were born on the hottest day of the year, the 15th August,

in the month of the Star.

There, that one.

That's where you came from.

The belly of the sky,

like me.

One day you'll go back there.

One day we'll all get back there

and melt into one of the stars of our constellation.

Even as a child,

Lajkó was only interested in space travel.

He soon realized that the tin roof of their house

an the neighbour's fertilizer

could be turned into perfect little rockets.

Of course the work of the young genius was not received too well.

Mary full of grace crap on you right between the eyes !

But a true pioneer doesn't give up at the first obstacle.

He keeps fighting until he reaches his goal.

Lajkó !

What the hell are you doing down there ?

You get shit all over your best clothes !

Enough of this nonsense.

It's a shitter. Not a rocket.

You are a gipsy, boy ! And gypsies don't fly.

LAJKO GYPSY IN SPACE

Of course even Lajkó could not prepare for anything.

Antonov 2. This is the Kunmadaras Air Force Base. Come in !

I order you to identify yourself and land immediately.

Antonov 2, you're in military airspace with a vaporizer plane.

Lajkó, you son of a bitch, stop it now !

Dear comrade colonel,

as you know, my son is a certified pilot

at the Red Slob collective farm 3rd Petöfi division.

What son, Karmazsin ?

All I see is a stinking gypsy !

In the eyes of comrade Lenin we are all equal.

This was not the first, but I swear, the last time we met.

A stupid vaporizer pilot.

I'm better than any of your men.

I'm telling you, son !

The October of '56 will make it to the history books.

Lajos Serbán, the first communist in space !

Stratosphere.

Then the fourth communist there.

I'll be damned.

Good day to you, Lajos.

And you, uncle Jenö ? Here ?

Where else would I be at this historical moment ?

We thought you were hiding somewhere.

The boys are just about to set fire to the Red Slob granary.

They wanted to lynch you, but you weren't at home.

Lynch me ? What are you talking about ?

The Revolution. The people are revolting.

Why would the people want to revolt when it's the people who rule ?

Don't ask them that, uncle Jenö.

Jeeez.

We have to get out of here, son.

Only you, I have things to do up there.

Listen to me !

If we survive these horrible times,

I'll find you and I swear on our father Lenin

I'll help you fly all the way to Venus.

Marika, thank you for the heads up.

Lajos, join the revolution.

I called you here for something much more important.

I want you to take care of Ignác for me.

- Of course, Lajos, but... - Thank you.

But Lajos, I don't know much about chemistry,

but don't you need some sort of breathing device up there ?

I'll be damned. You are so right.

Goodbye, Lajos. And freedom for the Hungarian people !

Lajkó only forgot one thing.

The Red Army.

I hope the water feels nice.

Your kind can always use a good bath.

Two hundred.

- What did you say ? - I was down for two hundred.

Are you kidding me ?

Pain is the best friend of the cosmonaut.

Let's start again.

Who ordered the attack against our friendly Soviet allies ?

I was heading to the stratosphere.

Comrade Tömpe, do you know the joke

when the comrades of the Health Ministry go to the gypsy slum ?

Yes, comrade Árbocz. I know it.

- How are the kids ? - The little one has colic, but...

- I don't envy you. - And you ? Are you still trying ?

Who ordered the attack against our friendly Soviet allies ?

Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko.

Usishkin,

Vashenko

and Fedoshenko.

And who are these comrades ?

The first communists in the stratosphere.

What ?

Forgive me for disturbing you, Comrade Árbocz.

Yes, comrade Seszták, what is it ?

Just a bit of paperwork, comrade Árbocz.

We're filing records with comrade Bárány and...

- I have a few questions. - Right now ?

Comrade Bárány thinks it's most important we do this now.

Last year forty-seven pliers broke

during your interrogations, István.

Water consumption, electricity bills, dental equipment, chemicals.

Comrade Árbocz,

during your work hours our department's expenses are at least

a hundred and fifty percent above the average.

The average ?

Are you trying to tell me my work is substandard ?

That I torture the enemies of the state at a lower efficiency ?

Not me, the documentation.

And the documentation never lies, dear comrade Árbocz.

What I am doing here is art !

I'm an artist. Do you get that ?

An artist !

An artist !

How long was I down ?

Move it !

Go !

Freshen up !

Lajkó ?

Virgin Mary pinch my ass, what'you doing here ?

They'll hang me tomorrow.

We just met and they hang you ?

Tell me now, how many grandchildren you made for me ?

I don't have any children.

And yer woman has big tits, firm bottocks ?

Don't have a wife either.

The hell is wrong with you ?

Listen !

Come with me, I go in and out of here like farts in a bean-eater.

This is my place.

You wanna die, son ?

Line up !

Grow a tumor in your liver as big as the city council.

Come with me ! Tomorrow we eat dinner at home.

Karcsi's widow makes us jacket meat with scraper.

We did not steal anything,

but a nail out of Jesus' palm

we did not steal anything,

but a nail out of Jesus' palm.

Put this on.

Not today, Serban.

Not today.

Come, Lajkó, sit down.

Comrade Bárány wants to have a word with you.

Let me get some more light in here.

It seems

there has been a slight misunderstanding.

Here is the state of affairs.

Comrade Árbocz spoke very highly

of comrade Serbán's endurance

that superseeds rats both physically and mentally.

He says, and I quote:

"Even if I pulled all the teeth of this

little capitalist, antirevolutionary worm,

he would still stare at me with a pokerface".

But worms don't have teeth.

What a sloppy report !

You have to excuse lieutenant Árbocz. He always liked mixed metaphors.

Comrade Serbán, do you speak Russian ?

He reads and writes fluently !

Have you got a criminal record ?

Have you ever committed a crime ?

Yes. I killed my mother.

- I blew her up. - Just a childhood accident.

Oh, yes. Here it is.

I guess it can happen to anyone.

And your father ?

My father ?

- You haven't killed him, have you ? - No.