Broad City

Mnh. God, I'm gonna go down a full shoe size after this.

Whew!

Yeah, not bad.

- Hola! - Hey!

- Hi! Hello! - Hola.

I was just cleaning up my bunions.

I think that's actually a callus. Right, girl?

It's staring at me.

- It's really good to see you, though. - You too!

- Man, I love when you come here. - Oh, me too.

- Mwah! Mwah! - Ah!

Love seeing you. Mwah!

- Mwah! - Oh.

So many kisses.

Oh, my gosh. Hello.

Missed you. You too, baby.

Look. I brought you some hydrangeas from my garden.

- Flowers?! In a vase?! - Mmm!

New Jersey Hydrangeas! Hello!

Okay, what are you guys up to today?

'Cause I could really use some help tackling my ingrowns.

It's honestly a three-person job.

I would love to. I would.

But we're going actually to the Javits Center

- to see a big car show. - What?!

Here we come! Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom!

Ah, so I'm gonna go change. Feel free to chill here.

No peeking, okay? Go away.

Johnny, would you be a pal and towel me up?

- I'm a little raw! - Yeah.

Whoa! Watch out! You got to use the tongs so you don't burn yourself.

- My feet are raw, girl. Yikes. - Ahh.

- There you go. Yeah. - Thank you.

Okay, so, how's it freakin' going?

Really good. I actually just redid my kitchen.

But isn't your landlord gonna, like, wreck you for that?

Goodbye Credit Karma or whatever?

I own my apartment, so I think I'll be all right.

That is so insane.

I forgot-slash-didn't really know that was an option.

You are so mature and adult. I love you two together.

Ooh! And I love that outfit!

- Look at you! - Gracias.

No, it's just an old handkerchief

I found lying around.

That old thing?

You know, Jaimé, I'm, like, smelling something funky.

I feel like the apartment smells funkier than usual in here.

Mi amora, I don't mean to be mean,

but I think it's your disgusting feet.

- Okay. - Like, I can taste it.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - It's okay.

And I don't want you guys to be scared to come back.

It's gonna... My tootsies are gonna be fresh to death

by the time you get back, if you choose to come back.

Okay. Give me a squeeze. I'm gonna go.

- All right. Mwah! - Love you, baby.

- Have fun at the show. - Mm, bye.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! And...

Okay, folks, let's talk about this month's aesthetic.

As you know, the theme is...

birds... again.

Um, the window has to be awesome.

It wants to make the customer feel like they can just walk in

and maybe, as they get in here, they might just take flight.

I think we should start with a huge bird on the back.

I think that could be our feature,

and we can just pull it all...

Oh, totally! I love that idea!

Ti... It's timeless. And... and timely.

Time's Up, right?

Anyway, I happen to have an idea for next month's window display,

and I was like, "I should share it!"

This is, like, a cool corporate environment

where I should share my ideas when I get them, right?

So, I've been really inspired lately

by Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue."

It would be, like, a great way to, like,

really tribute classic New York City. Like, we...

Ma'am, where can I find that shirt?

Okay, you can call me "miss," and this guy right here

is gonna be around the corner at the bottom of the stairs.

But if you hit the vanity made of vintage teacups,

you've gone too far.

Okay, so, picture this display, right?

It's a beautiful cityscape made of instruments.

I... I think that it would be

a really incredible way to show the melody of the city.

- Ma'am, where can I find the, um... - ... the smelly sticks?

Mm. You can call me "miss."

And you call the smelly sticks "sage smudging wands,"

and they're gonna be over there in the corner,

right next to the robin's nest Caucasian headdresses.

I would be honored to lead this project.

You're not ready yet. Just doesn't happen overnight.

Plus, you're an amazing sales associate!

I c... I can't afford to lose you from the floor.

Okay. Yeah.

- Okay? - Thank you.

I'm gonna go sa... I'm gonna go sell.

- Great sales associate. - Love it.

Yes. Right. As I was saying...

Ooh.

Aaaah!

- Hey. - Hey.

Dude, thank God. Thank God you're here.

- What is going on in here? - Okay.

A long time ago, I promised Jaimé I would never enter his room.

Okay, wait. Sorry. The whole time that you've lived here,

you've never gone in Jaimé's room before?

Correct. He asked me not to,

so I wasn't about to be another greedy-ass white person

who thinks they're owed dominion over every single brown person's territory.

Who do you think I am, some sort of Christina Columbus?

No, no, I... I don't think that.

Okay, but then today I smelled a smell so bad,

it was the stench of death.

And I just had to look in his room.

And that's when I discovered...

What?

Dude, what did you discover?

Okay. I need to warn you. It's really, really bad.

Like, have you ever seen "American Psycho"?

- Yeah. - Or "Sicario"?

No, I didn't see that.

Or Matt Damon try to talk about sexual assault?

'Cause this is worse.

Jaimé is a hoarder.

Ilana, I think I found the source!

Whew! Ugh! Ugh. I smell it.

Okay, now I know he's crazy.

I mean, who doesn't finish an everything bagel with cream cheese?

Okay, Abbi, we don't call people "crazy"

- 'cause it stigmatizes mental illness. - Yeah, okay.

Maybe he meant to finish it, but then it fell behind...

this tube of rocks?

- Oh, my God. - But he didn't notice the smell?

Abbi, denial ain't just a river in, um...

He's in denial.

Oh, God. I could not have done this without you.

Thank you so much for leaving work for this.

Yeah, it's not like they even need me there.

I told Lisa about the window-display idea,

and she was like, "You're just not ready."

Ugh! She cannot talk to you like that.

She's not the boss of you.

I mean, she literally is the boss of me. She's my boss.

Wait. It is, like, so cuckoo

that Jaimé kept all my psych textbooks from college.

- Yeah. - Like, what?

Oh, my God. Hoarding.

Okay.

"A person who suffers from hoarding experiences extreme distress

at the thought of discarding of their valued items."

- Uh, Doy-ee! - Got it.

Make you buy the book. Duh! We're, like...

We... We know.

All right. I'm gonna skip ahead to the, uh, treatment section.

Okay, yeah, let's see what they have to say, huh?

"Treatment... absolutely never, ever, under any circumstances...

m-move the hoarder's possessions without them."

Oh.

- All right. Think it matches? - Close enough, right?

So good you took this photo, dude.

Oh, my God, I needed to. My mother lives for this shit.

Whenever she's on a diet and needs to stop herself

from eating, she just Googles hoarder photos.

Loses her appetite immediately.

Hi. What? Hello.

Welcome.

Jaimé, Johnny, please take a seat.

Okay. Hola, Abbi.

Hi. Hey.

- Wait. I think I'm gonna go. - No!

You helped me decorate my whole office.

You don't want to see the magic happen in it?

Okay, listen, I thought that I could do this,

but when my parents got divorced,

I had to go through a lot of therapy,

and this is actually very triggering for me.

- Mm. - I'm not good with therapy.

Okay. If you stay, you can have some of the cheese.

Ilana. W-What the hell is going on?

Okay, so, before we begin, I want to assure you

I would never share what happens in this room

with anybody in my personal life.

But is that because, like, most of the people

in your personal life are, like, in this room right now?

Mm. So true.

See, we are already making some excellent discoveries here.

I'm just gonna write this down.

Where'd you get that? Did... Did you go in my room?

I-I'm sorry, but this is what I wanted to talk to you about.

That I-I know that you're a h-hoarder.

- What? - I'm sorry, okay?

- It... It's okay. We love you. - We love you.

And we just want to help. Okay?

I had to go in your room because I smelled

what I thought could only be the stench of death.