Wynonna Earp

Previously on "Wynonna Earp"...

- Wynonna! - The girl everyone's scared of.

I just can't stop seeing it. Gory ritual, broken seal, Black Badge owns us.

- Hey, how's the demotion going? - Kill me a demon already.

You've been cooking drugs for Dolls?

Suffice it to say, there is an effort afoot

which requires a demon's blood in its purest form.

Not in uniform! OK? Not in public!

Have you noticed any changes in Waverly lately?

She's become cruel.

- You sure you're OK? - Better put that somewhere safe.

Waves!

You can't sleep in winter without three duvets,

now you're out here in your nightgown?

Hey. What are... what are we doing..?

Looking for breakfast?

Right. You never know when might find

a rabid case of waffles in the wild, huh?

I must've been... sleep walking?

You couldn't have developed this fun new habit in July?

Hey. It's OK.

We'll start double-locking the front door.

Can we just go inside? I'm freezing my butt off.

Well, come on! Now you're the one without a coat.

Wynonna...

Bathroom?

You totally have to pay for that.

You know what I want.

- That was rude. - I wasn't expecting company.

We'll be taking that briefcase.

Yeah, I lose this case, I lose my job.

And there's a foosball table in my office.

- Black Badge does like to play games. - This isn't a game.

Give it.

They make sure I can't do that.

And no, I don't have the combination.

I would say hand it over,

but you might not like what that means.

Cujo, pay the lady for her troubles. And the pastry.

We're not savages.

- Aramaic? - Syriac?

- Assyrian? - Assholery?

That is totally not a thing.

Yuh-huh. Assholery.

That seal is an asshole, broken by an asshole

who let an asshole crawl out of it. Assholery.

Speaking of assholes...

I got something.

There's a cream for that.

A briefcase was stolen, from a Field Marshall, in the Triangle.

And you're happy about that?

Dude. Course she is. She retrieves the briefcase

and snuggles so far back up Moody's pucker-butt...

That he has to reassign me. Sayonara, Hellhole.

I really wish you'd give Purgatory a chance.

It really is a very nice place.

And we're this close to getting a vegetarian restaurant.

I... I could use your help.

We get in, we get out, with back-up.

Hard pass. Whatever broke that seal is about to rear

its fugly head and I'm going to be there to punch the mother...

- I'll go. - What?

I need someone who can work recon.

OK, I haven't told anyone this,

but I've been looking into spy schools.

- Uh, there are no... - Such thing as spy schools,

I know. But I'd be good! I know it.

I'm super bendy, so small spaces aren't a thing.

I can speak four languages fluently, and I was once

hit by a tranquilizer dart and still went to band practice.

It would be a good case for her to cut her teeth on.

- No way! - It's a big one, Earp.

We'll have backup. Real backup.

Alright, you're in.

- Come on in and I'll brief you. - OK!

- Yay! I'm getting briefed! - Careful. It might just mean

- she's taking your underpants. - Well, actually...

Yeah, I know she's not taking her underpants,

close your mouth, Jeremy.

Focus on the seal.

I have to go break one of my own.

Way too much coffee.

The heat is breaching two- twelve. You're burning it.

This isn't moonshine. We're mixing volatile elements

with genie blood. It needs to be hotter than Hell.

Yeah, well just don't go blowing up my bar,

because I extorted good money for it.

Is there anybody around here you haven't blackmailed?

All for a noble cause...

Doc, no!

Thunderation!

You are a woman of unexpected talents.

I nearly burn my skin off and you think

- that is this funny? - It's just...

"Thunderation."

Let me see.

Ah, nothing a little aloe can't cure.

That's one hell of a life line.

Yeah, well, I may have time but Dolls does not.

Yeah. The drugs will get done. Whether he's strong enough...

You never mind about that. He will survive this. He must.

Dude. That supposed to resemble a pizza?

Yeah, it gets worse: it's gluten-free.

- I'm sorry. - Ah, it's OK.

It almost tastes like real cheese.

No, I'm sorry.

That... weirdness in Waverly

you were trying to... yeah,

I'm kind of finally noticing now.

I can't betray her trust.

I... I would never ask you to.

But... yeah.

Waverly's...

struggling a little with who she is.

That struggle is going to get her hurt.

- I mean, going undercover for Lucado? - What?

Mhm. Not to mention

the short-decisions, rash tempers,

- sleepwalking... - Sleepwalking? In the winter?

From Ms. Four blankets plus a bonus blanket?

This morning, there she was,

traipsing through the snow in nothing but a nightgown.

Look, I'd maim a duck for a spoon right now.

Oh, yeah. Good luck.

All of the cutlery has gone missing,

including the fork with only one tine.

You?!

Waverly.

Oh, my God!

Dolls?

Dolls, are you here?

OK, we've really got to come up with a secret handshake.

Cause this greeting sucks.

Dolls.

Look at me. Look.

Dolls, it's me.

Dolls...

Wynonna.

Ah, no!

No.

No! Wynonna!

I don't want you seeing me like this.

Why? It's not like you... you have a tail or something.

Ah! I can't control it.

I'm not leaving you. Can you... can you get to the truck?

It's just outside the door.

You owe me so many massages.

The lock-picking worked!

Thank you, YouTube!

Should... should we have a safe word?

Like if I say "tacos are tasty" send in the back-up?

Sure.

Whatever. Hey, remember, you're there

to drop off your bartender application, but you got lost.

Anyone finds you, just smile and play dumb, got it?

Wait, got what?

- I said... - Oh, sure.

Got it.

The briefcase is silver, heavy. It's here. I know it is.

Check every office, every closet.

Hey! Cupcake!

- More like crap cakes. - Crap what?

Hi!

- Uh, I'm... - Late. VIPs are here.

- Awesome! - OK. Two Mob-mobiles pulled up.

This could be our guy. What's going on in there?

Hello, Earp?

What's the matter? You are entertainment...

- Who the hell else would I be? - Good.

- Be onstage in five minutes. - What?

- What should I do? - Sing.

Doc?

- The heck is he doing with you? - A little help?

This is not the plan.

It's too dangerous.

He needs his drugs. Now.

The medicine isn't ready.

Stay with me, Deputy Marshall.

You never said he was law.

- Is that going to be a problem? - No. No, it's just...

- She needs more time. - I need to adjust

the balance of acids to alkaline for whatever he is.

And I could use someone on the inside.

OK, well, let me just call Black Badge and tell them

we have their number one fugitive and that we'd like

to borrow their recipe for demon dope, OK?

Unless Jeremy?

We can't trust him. He's so...

Willing to help?

I'll be here. I'll be here.

Even if you turn into a lizard or a salamander

or whatever you are. We'll buy you a terrarium.

Little sun lamp, couple of plants...

Shh. Waverly!

Hey. Hey. OK.

- You're gonna come through this. - Last night,

in the barn... her eyes...

She got a look in her eyes, Wynonna.

Moment on the lips...

I see you're still a bitch.