The Simpsons

D'oh!

Ice cream at church?

I'm intrigued, yet suspicious.

Wow, look at all these flavors.

"Blessed Virgin Berry, Command-Mint, Bible-Gum."

Or if you prefer, we also have Unitarian ice cream.

-There's nothing here. -Exactly.

One Tower of Babel and build it to heaven.

To heaven!

Oh.

Christ be with you.

D'oh! (groans)

Hi.

I've created the first intra-bovine ice-cream maker.

It makes use of all four stomachs.

The first being filled with rock salt, then sugar, cream...

and of course, Freon so cold it burns me.

I'll have the darkety kind.

Uh, one chocolate, Mootilda.

Can I have a swirl of chocolate and vanilla?

-Huh? Uh-uh! -Oh, nonsense. You can do it.

-(moos) -(yelps) Ivan Reitman!

-(whining) -Ow!

-I've never seen a brain freeze this bad. -(whining)

Give me 50cc's of hot fudge, stat.

Hold still. You're gonna feel a slight chocolaty sensation.

All right, let's welcome this evening's entertainment.

They call her the Christian Madonna...

Rachel Jordan!

-(singing continues) -Rachel Jordan?

Isn't that the woman you had a crush on, Ned?

I didn't have a "crush" on her.

-Are you blushing, Mr. Flanders? -No, I'm not-

-Leave Ned alone. -Thank you, Homer.

He can't admit he likes her till he's sure she likes him back.

And there's only one way to find out.

Does... Rachel... like... Ned?

It says I have cooties.

Flanders has cooties! Flanders has cooties!

That was great. I can't believe she found a rhyme for Hezekiah.

Hey, she's coming this way!

I thought you didn't like her.

-Oh! -(gasps) Ned Flanders?

Now, where have you been hi-diddly-hiding?

Uh-uh-uh... Oh, hey, Rachel. (chuckles) Well, what do you know?

We both like plain vanilla with nothin' on it.

Actually, all the toppings were gone.

Ants are crawling in my mouth, and I don't care.

So, uh, where's your band?

They switched from Christian music to regular pop.

All you do is change "Jesus" to "baby."

-Oh, how horrible. -Uh! They'll all go to hell.

Say, how's your life going?

Ooh, she wants to know how your life is going.

Well, my wife's passing was rough. But I think I'm finally ready to move on.

That's great. Maybe we could have coffee sometime.

Oh, she wants to have coffee sometime!

-I can hear her, Homer! -He can hear you, Rachel!

I'd love to get together,

but tomorrow I've got lifeguard duty at the baptismal pool.

OK. Well, maybe another time.

You know, I'd better go check into my hotel.

Hotel? Why don't you just stay at Ned's place?

My place? What would the neighbors think?

We're the neighbors, and we don't think.

Ned, I understand if you feel uncomfortable.

You're still getting over your wife.

Now, wait just a Maude-gone minute, here!

I'm through livin' in the past, and you can see for yourself.

Well, you've certainly got a theme going.

All right, I'll take the couch, and you can have my room.

Oh, uh, could you sleep on my side?

I'm trying to preserve Maude's indentation.

-Sorry. -Oh, no problem!

A little starch will fix her right up.

-(shudders) -Cold, huh?

This should keep you toasty.

How about that? It says "Maude."

Mmm, I love chenille. Don't you?

I don't love it. I don't hate it.

Mmm, well, good night, Maude. I mean, Maude.

I mean, Rachel! I mean, Maude.

Oop!

Oh, my God! You're trying to make me look like your dead wife!

No, no, now, I-- I know this is a... tad unseemly

but if you just let me even out the back-

I'm calling a cab! Good-bye, Ned!

-(door slams) -Oh, who am I kidding?

I'm not over Maude at all.

Yeah, maybe it was too soon.

Well? Aren't you gonna invite me in?

I sure appreciate you folks offering to go through Maude's things.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't throw anything away.

Oh, don't you worry. We'll make all the hard decisions

so you don't have to.

-We can take whatever we want, right? -Ye-- What?

Don't listen to him. You just have a good time at the eye doctor.

Always do!

Say, "Bye, Mr. Flanders." Bye, Mr. Flanders!

Poor Ned.

He can't look anywhere without being reminded of Maude.

Yeah, a lifetime of memories. (grunts)

Homer, don't you have any respect?

Sure. Of course I do. But life goes on.

Ashes to ashes. Turn, turn, turn.

Long live rock, and so forth.

Don't throw this away. It's Rod's first tooth.

You're right. We could use this for witchcraft.

Wow. Three pairs of shoes.

Someone had a fetish.

-(music box slows, stops) -(Homer grunting)

Man, this is taking forever.

I know how to speed things up.

-(banging) -Her pillow's stuck.

Oh, my. The room looks so bare.

-Are you OK, Ned? -Yeah, just a little shocked.

What's that? Some kind of sorting machine?

-Kinda. -(whining, grinding)

Now for the awkward part.

-We gotta talk about money. -(gasps)

You said we were doing this out of friendship.

What? That doesn't sound like me.

Hey, Dad. Something didn't get, um, "sorted."

Maude's old sketchbook.

She was quite the little artist, you know.

Oh, eh, is that a fact? And you think you know someone.

There's our house. A rainbow.

Oh, a white hand shaking a black hand.

"Praiseland"?

"Rides, food"? A"tithing pond"?

It looks like an amusement park. You're right!

Maude designed a Christian amusement park.

-Oh, it must've been her final dream. -Hey, how about that?

Let's build it for her, Daddy.

Oh, that's a nice thought, Toddy.

But to build an amusement park, you need lots of money and manpower and turnstiles.

But Mommy wanted it.

Hmm?

But where do you put something that big?

You could fix up the old Storytime Village.

They've been out of business ever since that kid got his head cut off.

-That sounds perfect. -Well, what the heck?

-Who's ready to build an amusement park? Yay!

Sell Storytime Village?

Why, you gotta be off your tuffet!

Well, it's been closed for so long, and-- and l--

I thought I could turn it into a-- a Christian theme park.

Christian, eh? Well, that's different.

Now, the thing is I don't have a lot of money.

And what the hell good are you? Beat it, you hippie!

-But l-- -You're right. That was harsh.

Tell you what.

Maybe I could donate the park as a tax write-off.

If you could do that, I'd make this place a shining beacon for the Lord!

Ah, you are so full of it!

God's grace, that is.

It's really sickening...

there aren't more people like you.

Now get out...

your pen and we'll make it official.

Oh, bless you, sir!

Geppetto's workshop will make a great stable for the Nativity scene.

You're doing that the sucker way.

Try a little vitamin "G"!

Are you nuts?

Relax. It's a controlled burn. Uh-oh.

Huh?

Darn teenagers with their beer bottles.

Uh, yeah. Teenagers. Huh!

Ned, I'm worried about you.

You've been working nonstop for the past week.

Well, it's been a tad harder than I thought.

But I'm not complaining, 'cause I work for a sweet, sweet boss.

You're our foreman, Maude.

She's still bossing you around from beyond the grave? Can they do that?

No, I don't mind, but my greenback stack's gettin' kind of slack.

How about asking the community for donations?

I'm not very good at begging people for stuff.

I am. I'd be glad to spearhead the entire begging initiative.

-Oh, thanks, Homer. -No problem.

I'll need a sack and something sharp.