Slapface

You know why we have to do this.

You ready?

Oh, my gosh, Jesus Christ, Tom, make a real sandwich.

I know how to make a sandwich.

No, you don't.

- Hey, bud. - Hey.

I know you're still with me.

I love you.

Uh, can I get a Sprite and tequila?

Yeah.

Fancy drink.

I have discriminating taste.

That's a cool place for a tat.

What is it?

Guess. Some people can't.

Elephant.

Very good.

I got it my semester abroad in Thailand.

Female elephants band together to raise their offspring,

whereas the males go roaming off on their own.

Funny, huh?

- Like... - Tom.

Hi, Sheriff.

How about a word outside, Tom?

The Kenyans saw him running down on North Lane,

and if I didn't pick him up,

for sure, he would have got into more trouble.

What'd he do?

I took care of it.

Tom, I know you're trying your best

and you're working, which is great.

Yeah.

Thanks, John.

Your mom, may she rest in peace,

would have been proud of you, but I don't think

she would feel the same way about Lucas right now.

You understand I'm trying to cut you slack...

because of Nora.

She didn't want you boys to be like your old man.

And I know that you're better than that.

I just hope you don't prove me wrong.

You maybe want to take Lucas fishing again?

I know he looks up to you.

Tom, I have my job.

You have your job, and your job

is to straighten out your brother.

You're running out of "get out of jail free" cards.

You understand?

Say it.

I understand.

Okay.

Harder.

Stop trying to get arrested.

Sheriff says you're running out of "get out of jail free" cards.

Sheriff Thurston says, "I loved your mother."

I'm serious.

Go to bed.

Hey.

Um, what... what was that?

We were just playing Slapface.

Are you... okay?

You seem okay.

It smells good.

Hey, go wake up your brother.

- Why? - Go. Just do it.

- Need my help? - No. Get out.

- Go, go, shoo. - Okay.

Wake up.

- Say it again. - No, no, no, keep it up.

Tell me the story.

Oh, hey, I made you some eggs.

Okay, I guess he, uh, doesn't like eggs.

Help!

Help! Help, someone!

Someone, help!

Help!

Come back, here pig!

Wait, wait! Cease fire!

Cease fire? Fuck you!

Okay, okay. Cease fire.

Come on, you.

Come here.

Come here, or the truce is over.

You have to choose... fast.

Say you're sorry.

Sorry for whatever I've done.

I don't believe you.

Get off! Ow!

Why did you steal Moriah's notebook and her pen?

Get off! Ow, ow, ow! Stop it!

Why did you steal Moriah's notebook and her pen?

She gave it to me!

You're a liar.

Tell the truth.

It was there, okay?!

Stop stalking Moriah, you little turd face.

She doesn't even like you.

Now...

nod your head and say yes!

Yes, yes! Okay?!

Get up!

Get away.

Wait.

How bad do you want to be part of the Nightshades?

Girls only.

We can make him pull his pants down.

How about a dare?

Alright.

You know Wakefield?

Shut up!

I said shut up!

Three minutes, and you can only come out if you bring us a gift.

Go. Get in there.

Would you go in there?

No fucking way.

Can I go into town?

For what?

Want to go shopping?

Get a purse.

Yeah, is that better than, what,

do you want to stay here and chop wood and stuff?

Is that...?

Isn't it... scary...

being all the way out here in the woods?

No.

Want to know why?

Want to show you something.

Got it from my dad.

Want to hold it?

Okay.

Scary.

It's loaded.

- Really? - Yeah.

Keep a loaded gun next to your bed?

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, what's going on down there?

What can you see?

I don't know.

It's dark.

There's blood on the floor.

Rose, how much time is left?

Just another 30 seconds.

What happened?

Sorry, I ran away.

Did you see it?

See what?

Okay, I don't want us to break up.

Are we dating?

No, I just... me and you.

No one else will ever know.

It's our secret.

Moriah, listen.

I saw something.

Call me.

- That was really bad. - That was awful. That was...

We're gonna try again. We're gonna try again.

- Okay, thanks. - Alright. Wait, don't... Okay.

Alright, so keep the bend in your elbows.

Oh, sorry. Okay.

Spread your legs a little wider.

Spread your legs a little wider.

Spread your legs a little bit more.

Okay.

And look down the barrel.

- Okay. - Breathe in.

Breathe out and pull the trigger.

- Oh, fuck yeah! - There you go!

There you go. Let's try it again.

- Let's try it again. - I did it! Okay.

What the fuck, guys?

It's not that bad.

- Hey, ouch. - What happened to your hand?

Nothing.

Usually, I'm the chef around here, so...

- Yeah? Well, maybe... - maybe we can

make something together sometime.

I make a mean bibimbap, so...

What is this one, a chick playing the ukulele?

That one I got in Jersey.

She's got some pretty nice boobs.

Kind of like somebody else I know.

I need... I need to take my pants off.

You want to help me?

Saw a monster today.

- What? - Nothing.

Cut myself.

Wait...

- Can I see? - Come on, he's fine.

Wait, I think that you should put some, um,

you should put some ice on it.

No, some, uh, some iodine.

Wait, I... uh, maybe I have something in my bag.

He knows where the iodine is.

I'll let you guys have your date.

Wait, no, you haven't even finished your food.

- Don't worry about him. - He's fucking Chuck Norris.

He's not here.

Help!

Someone help me! Help me!

Help!