ALF

This is the way it began that extraordinary night.

The night he came.

I'm gonna be in the garage, calling Bochev.

Me too! Who's Bochev?

Bochev is my friend in Yugoslavia.

Dad, can I look through the telescope?

Of course, my son, enjoy the cosmos.

Dad, can I talk to Natalie, after you're through?

Sure.

I wanna tell her about my new boyfriend.

New boyfriend? What's his name?

- Lash. - "Lash?"

That's not his real name, is it?

You don't approve, do you?

I don't even know... Lash.

This is K-7-2-6-X-A-A, Los Angeles calling Belgrade.

- How are you guys doing? - Fine, dad hates Lash.

And I'm looking for Venus.

Did you find it?

No, but the neighbors are watching "Body Heat" again.

Brian.

Stop spying on people.

- Just get ready for bed. - I'm hungry.

Well, that's because you didn't eat your mash potatoes.

I don't like mash potatoes.

Come on. Did anyone feed the cat?

- Oh, I'll feed him. - Feed him my mash potatoes.

Lucky eats cat food.

Now, I know why we named him Lucky.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

- Oh! - Hoo!

- Darn! - You alright?

Yeah, I guess the CB must've crossed circuits

with the short wave.

You know, it's not easy being a 16-year-old.

I know, I'm immature sometimes..

- You know, you put so much... - I was talking about Lynn.

Lynn! Right.

Was there a problem there?

She thinks you hate her boyfriend.

Such-such a bright girl.

I-I'll talk to her. Right away.

We will get this thing straightened out.

Let me just, let me just shut this thing off.

What's that noise?

Oh, my gosh.

It's the infrared radio band.

I've locked into something in space

a pulsar or a, or a satellite.

Hello? Hello? This is K-7-2-6-X-A-A. Can you read me?

They're answering, but I don't recognize the language.

Why don't you just shut it off?

I, I can't. I, I can't control it.

It's locked in on a signal.

Willie, Willie, what's that?

Oh, my gosh!

It can't be.

The lights! What happened to the lights?

Daddy, daddy, what's that thing in the sky?

- What's going on? - It's closing in fast.

I think maybe we better..

We... we have a visitor.

- Here he comes! Here he comes! - Brian, stay with me.

Oh, my gosh! It's hairy!

- Let's put it over here. - Not on the couch!

Lynn, clear off the coffee table.

- Quick! It's heavy. - Heavy and hairy!

I can't believe it.

What do you think it is?

A real alien.

Willie..

Willie, what is it?

I don't know.

Brian's right. It's an ALF.

- What? - An ALF.

An A-L-F. That's short for "Alien life form."

- Can ALF stay in my room? - No!

No, this thing is not staying in anyone's..

It's not staying!

Why not? E.T. got to stay.

E.T. was a movie. This is real.

This is on our coffee table.

This is incredible.

Truly amazing.

After all those years of wondering

and hoping that it might be possible

to contact alien life

to have this happen, it's a miracle.

It's the fulfillment of a lifelong dream.

- We've got to get rid of it. - Absolutely.

We don't know anything about it.

It could be dangerous. It could be diseased.

It could be hostile or have hostile friends

or acquaintances. It could be anything.

You mother's right. We'd better report it to the authorities.

But what if the authorities do something to it?

Yeah, what if they poke needles in it?

No, they wouldn't poke needles in it.

Would they, Willie?

Well, they could.

I don't think they would but they could.

And... they might.

I know this's very exciting, but I don't see any alternative.

We've got to report this!

What other choice do we have?

Argh! Ah, can I make a suggestion?

Yeah, sure, why not..

Well, if it's not too much trouble..

How about fixing my spaceship?

Hello! Read my lips.

It talks.

It's heavy, it's hairy and it talks.

Good, now, how about fixing my spaceship

so I can get my heavy, hairy body out of here?

Uh, I-I'm not sure I can fix your spaceship.

I mean, not tonight, not-not in the dark.

Yeah, you could use a light in that driveway.

You know, I've been meaning the put one out there, but..

You know how it is, you get busy with one thing and another.

- Willie! - I'm sorry.

- It just seems so human! - Hey!

There's no need for name-calling.

I don't think we should get too friendly, Willie.

She's right.

Let's have a snack now.

We'll get friendly later.

Snack? What-what kind of a snack?

- You got a cat? - You eat cats?

- You can't eat Lucky. - No, no cat eating.

- Not in this house. - Alright, alright.

How about a cat-food can? I could use the roughage.

Can we give ALF a can, mom?

- Please? - Please?

Alright.

A dented one.

Come on, ALF.

We're going with you.

Trusts me about as far as she can throw me.

That is amazing. Isn't that amazing?

Willie, will you come down to Earth for a minute?

An alien being has come to live with us

and eat our cans and snack on our cat.

Yeah, this will do fine.

Alright. Alright. Just give me one day, okay?

If I can't get ALF going, we'll tell somebody.

Just one day.

Okay.

He's quick! I'll give him that.

Mm. Morning.

Morning.

- Willie! - Willie!

- What's going on out there? - Nothin'. Just screaming.

- Move out of the way. - No problem.

Let me put it this way, Willie.

I don't think this is going to work out.

I'll take care of this. Everything's fine.

Everything's under control.

Interesting concept.

Please, come away from there. Come, come on.

Come on! Over, over here by me.

We've a little problem we have to discuss.

Yeah, Lynn and I got to gabbing last night

and she sort of feels..

Boy, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?

Would you give those to me, please?

No problem.

You must understand that Kate is very nervous

about this whole thing.

Absolutely. Who's Kate?

- My wife. - Oh, yeah. She snores.

- She doesn't snore. - You calling me a liar?

You just keep your distance, alright?

- And try to be considerate. - No problem.

That is not considerate.

That is... the opposite of considerate.

That is inconsiderate!

Look, look, let's just, uh..

Let's just settle down here.

Let's just take this one step at a time.

No, there's no need for you to shave.

- You look fine. - I wanna do everything you do.

You're my idol.

I'm.. I'm going to take a shower now.

Count me in.

I'd like to take it alone. Thank you.

Okay. Just don't use all the hot water.

- Do you mind? - Never saw a thing.

And stay away from the window.

We've got a very nosy neighbor, Mrs. Ochmonek.

"Ochmonek." Sounds like a typo.

Just don't let her see you. She might turn you in.

Trevor, is there such a thing as a cross

between a kangaroo and an aardvark?

Ah, stop putting yourself down.

I'm not talking about me.

I'm talking about that thing staring at me

from that bathroom window.

What?

- I don't see nothing. - It was there a second ago.