The Flintstones

Some poor mastodon is caught in the tar pit.

They ought to put a fence around the tar pit.

That's not a mastodon. It's Fred singing.

They ought to put a fence around him.

Let's see now, the tralafast is connected to the doohickey...

the doohickey is connected to the franaspan...

the franaspan's connected to the thingamajig.

The thingamajig's connected to the whozit, and the whozit...

That's it. The whozit isn't connected.

Betty! Come to the window a minute.

- What is it, Barney? - I'm going over to see if Fred's home.

- I got to borrow a whozit wrench. - Okay, Barney.

Say hello to Wilma for me.

I don't know what we housewives would do without a good waste disposal.

Anybody home?

Just a minute, Barney. I'll be right there.

Hiya, Wilma. Betty says to say hello.

So I'm saying hello.

You say hello to her for me.

- Is Fred home yet? - Not yet, Barney.

He must be caught in a traffic jam. What do you want him for?

I wanted to borrow a whozit wrench from him.

But it can wait, Wilma.

A tall, frosty Cactus Coola.

I'll come back later.

Okay, Barney. I'll tell him to call you when he gets home.

Right.

And by the way, thanks for the hospitality, Wilma.

You're welcome, Barney.

That Barney is so polite.

Such good manners.

I wish Fred would learn to be more like him.

Fred's a diamond in the rough...

but even diamonds can stand polishing.

I'd love it if he'd come through that door every night...

calm, urbane, with a smile on his lips.

Hello, Fred. I see you finally got home.

- Did you have a tough day, dear? - Yeah.

And it was so hot.

I bet it was terrible on the job.

And the traffic must've been awful.

A diamond in the rough, and they don't come any rougher.

What a day.

But in all that heavy traffic coming home...

one thing kept me going.

As the car reached the lawn, I could see it.

There it was, right in front of me, big as life.

What was it, Fred?

That frosty, cold bottle of Cactus Coola...

I put in the icebox last night.

Fred, you're so overheated, you shouldn't drink anything cold.

Suck a lemon. That'll quench your thirst.

Suck a lemon? Are you out of your mind?

All the way home I kept thinking of that tall...

cold, frosty cactus juice...

trickling down my hot throat.

Suck a lemon.

I got to hand it to you, Wilma.

You got a great sense of humor.

I'm sorry I came home so grouchy.

But it won't happen again. I am turning over a new leaf.

No more yelling.

No more acting mean.

Wilma! Where is it?

Where is what, Fred?

My last bottle of cold Cactus Coola.

- Did you drink it, Wilma? Did you? - No, Fred, I didn't.

Barney took it.

Barney took it?

- Yes. He's your friend, isn't he? - Friend?

No friend would take a man's last cold bottle...

on a hot day.

That does it. This is it!

It's been coming on a long time, but this did it!

I am through with that Barney Rubble. I disown him as a neighbor.

- Aw, Fred. - Don't "Aw, Fred" me.

I'm never gonna speak to that guy again.

And I'm going over to his house right now and tell him.

I'll give him a piece of my mind.

Not too big a piece, Fred. You haven't any to spare.

Haven't any to spare. How droll.

How very droll.

The doohickey's connected to the franaspan.

Hello, Fred. What happened? Did you get caught in traffic?

- What's the matter, Fred? - Barney, you and I are through.

Don't ever speak to me again. We are finished.

I'm returning your lawnmower, your rake, your hedge shears, and your hose!

- My power tools, too? - Yes, your power tools, too.

Gee, this is serious.

You never returned my power tools before.

There it is.

My Cactus Coola. You didn't get to it yet?

And you won't either, 'cause I'm gonna drink it myself.

No, Fred. No, wait, Fred.

There, icebox raider. It's empty.

How do you like that?

Fred, may I ask one question?

Okay, but you better make it a good one...

'cause it's the last time I'm talking to you.

Go ahead, ask.

Okay, Fred. Why did you drink my car polish?

Car polish?

Car polish! I'm poisoned.

- Do something, Barney! - I'll get a chamois.

- Don't just stand there, do something! - Like what, Fred?

Like get a pump. Call a doctor. Get a mechanic.

How should I know? But do something.

Fred, you all right?

Betty. Come out here, quick.

- I can't, I'm in the shower. - Turn it off. It's an emergency.

All right. Hold it, Trixie.

It never fails. Soon as I get in the shower that man wants something.

What happened to Fred?

I know it sounds stupid...

but Fred hit himself on the head with a bottle. He knocked himself cold.

Oh, dear. I'd hate to tell that story to Wilma.

What do you mean, Betty?

I mean, think how embarrassed Fred would feel if Wilma found out.

Maybe we can sneak him into his house and put him on his sofa...

- and she'll think he's asleep. - Sneak him into the house?

Well, that's like sneaking an elephant into a telephone booth.

Anyway, let's give it a try.

Easy, Barney, easy.

Let's stop a minute while I catch my breath.

- Let's lean him up against the door. - Okay.

Oh, boy! He's a load to lug around.

Hiya, Wilma. So, what else is new?

We brought Fred home.

- What happened? - It could happen to anyone.

Yeah, Fred hit himself on the head with a bottle.

Hit himself on the head with a bottle?

Get him into bed, Barney. I'll call a doctor.

Gee, Fred's been out a long time. I wish the doctor would get here.

When I called, he said he'd be right over.

That's him now. Come in, Doctor.

Have no fear, medical science is here.

I'm just in time.

My, you don't look good at all, not at all.

See, now what did I tell you? Loosen your shirt, we may have to tap.

- Is it serious, Doc? - Don't worry about it, son.

I never lost a patient yet.

Some don't get better, but I always know where they are.

That's a joke we use down at the clinic.

- Doctor. - Yes?

That's not the patient.

Oh, my. That's too bad. You could use some help.

But let's get on with it.

All right, madam...

- stick out your tongue. - Are you kidding? I'm not sick.

We doctors are so busy. Seems everybody is sick.

There you are, my dear.

- Where does it hurt? - I'm not sick either.

I must insist upon quiet.

- This man is trying to get some rest. - That's the patient!

That's the...

I'm not a mind reader, you know.

I can't diagnose when you don't tell the doctor everything.

He got hit on the head with a bottle.

A bottle?

You shouldn't hit him with a bottle. A rolling pin, yes, maybe, but not a bottle.

- Can you hear me, Doctor? - Yes, very clearly.

- Yes, indeed. - Okay...

Now hear this. Get lost!

I always wanted to have a human patient just once.

But that's it. So it's back to my horses for me.

- Back to the pasture. - Why, he's a veterinarian.

I must've gotten the wrong list of doctors.

I don't know. Fred eats like a horse.

He's coming out of it. Fred, wake up.

You feeling better? Speak to me.

- Still out. - I think I can snap him out of it.

- How, Wilma? - Watch.

Fred, you want a hamburger?

- That did it. - Boy, did you see that?

It's a good thing you didn't say pizza pie. He would've gone through the ceiling.

Are you feeling okay, Freddie-boy?

Certainly, Bernard, my esteemed neighbor.

Bernard? Are you all right, Freddie?

Bernard, please, not Freddie.

It's undignified. My name is Frederick.

I'm sure you won't mind addressing me properly.

- What's wrong with him, Wilma? - I don't know.

But he'll snap out of it in a minute.

There's my sweet, adorable wife...

looking charming as usual.