The Simpsons

Ho, ho, ho!

Happy birthday.

D'oh!

Merry Christmas!

Another Thanksgiving is in the books.

Which means Christmas is starting.

Say, Lis, I couldn't help but notice you're holding a piece of paper.

Oh, this piece of paper?

Why, it's just my Christmas list, is all.

What a coincidence.

I also have my Christmas list right here in my hand.

Oh, you selfish little gangsters.

There's always another shakedown, isn't there?

What do you know, Bart? There's only one present on my list.

My word, that's reasonable.

I, too, only found one present to be list-worthy.

Oh, give me the lists.

We already have a TV.

We've been through ten Super Bowls,

XLIV through LIII.

But our dumb TV is not a smart TV.

And I just want one other smart thing in this house.

Yeah, well, we'll think about it.

I want everything about Christmas to be perfect,

but that smart TV the kids want is $2,400.

That's ridiculous.

Our TV may not be smart, but it's street smart.

It's Sprawl-Mart's huge Black Friday sale.

Jay-G headphones only $49.99.

Two-piece sofa set only $249.99.

And this GL50 9K Smart TV only $499.99.

GL50 9K Smart TV. Where have I heard that before?

The kids are chanting it nonstop.

GL50 9K Smart TV.

- GL50 9K Smart TV. - Knock it off!

Supplies are limited,

so be here when the doors open at 6:00 a.m.!

Black Friday: like The Purge, but for bargains.

That's how we get it. We have to go.

Oh, old TV, you really are dumb.

You just told us how to replace you.

Why do we have an antenna on an HDTV?

I thought it looked cool.

So the customers will be entering from here,

here and here.

Our biggest concern are the cutsies.

- I hate those Nazis. - I said "cutsies."

- You think the Nazis didn't take cuts? - Oh.

I leave for Sprawl-Mart now, getting us a good place in line.

And I go to sleep now, waking up in the middle of the night,

rested and ready to relieve you

- at 3:00 a.m. - That's right.

Godspeed, hot woman.

I love you, too, Homie, but I have to go.

My tongue is frozen to your zipper.

Aw, Marge, great to see you out here.

You want a Cup O' Noodles to chase away the chill?

- How sweet. - It's just water.

I can't afford the real thing,

but if you stare at the label while you drink it,

you'd swear there was real chicken powder in there.

Oh.

What bargain are you busting down the door for?

I'm getting a Futon Friend for my granddaughter.

I want her to remember me as more than just a grandpa

who lives at the airport.

The trick is to carry a piece of empty luggage

because then they... they...

Sorry, Ralphie, it's just too cold.

Even my blubber isn't helping.

Cold in the winter, hot in the summer.

Why did I grow you?

Oh, your hands feel cold. Let me look at them.

Whoa, that's toasty! Am in Ipanema?

Hmm? Hmm?

I can do this. It's 2:30.

Homer's gonna be here any minute.

What?

What the...?

Ooh, got to relieve Marge!

My hands are starting to freeze.

I hope Homer gets here soon.

Why are we standing?

We still have hours before the store opens.

To keep out the cutters.

Ow! You're punching me in the back.

I ain't doin' it.

It's the baby what's in my belly thrashing about.

If you go into labor, I'll help you deliver,

but then that baby has to go to the back of the line.

Yeah!

I know how to hold a baby in.

Have a safe Black Friday,

and welcome to Thunderdome.

My hands are frozen,

which makes it easier to do this.

The electronics department.

I'm going to make it.

I'm not gonna make it!

Is there one drop of humanity in this big-box store?

Don't look, Marge. At any other time of year,

that man's life would be worth more than a TV,

but not at Christmas.

Tell my granddaughter I existed.

This will help raise the little one.

You did it, Marge.

You've given a poor old man the greatest gift of all,

- a grandchild's love. - Well, that makes it all...

I can't leave without one of those.

I'll give you a hundred bucks for it.

- Can't say no to that. - Oh...

Oh! Marge, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to let you down.

I'm not mad at you. I won't let myself be mad at you.

This is Christmas, and Christmas is great for our kids,

and I vow on my life

to make it a great Christmas.

I totally agree.

Now because you've been through so much, let me drive.

Let me call you an Uber.

So I'm afraid you won't be getting

the smart TV for Christmas.

We figured.

Never get your hopes up around here.

But I promise you, Christmas will be better than ever.

I'll sweep that up, sweetie.

Your mother froze her fingers

trying to get a Christmas gift for you,

and what were you going to give her?

- Lanyard. - Poem.

I thought as much.

Well, we're gonna make this Christmas about your mother.

- But Christmas is for kids. - Her.

Hi, guys, it's Monica here

with five easy hacks for resetting

your threshold Christmas caroler.

Number one, locate the P.I.X. input on the pressure strip.

I already did that, Monica.

I think I've got it.

What if we take Mom on a Florida vacation for Christmas?

Hoy, hoy, hoy.

I ride on a pig.

Don't forget to leave me porridge!

Ugh, I've got it set on Norwegian.

Well, at least we're not planning a vacation

at the last second, we're planning at the last minute.

Can't afford Nine Flags Underwater,

Yankees Fantasy Camp,

Yankees Suck Fantasy Camp...

Oh, my God, there's a place we can afford.

I've never heard of it.

How can we be sure it's what it seems in the ad?

That's a good point. On the other hand...

only three rooms left!

And 58 people are looking at them.

All right, kids, let this be a lesson.

You should never succumb to something

just because you are pressured to...

One room left!

I got it! Full price, nonrefundable! Boom!

Christmas is on me. Christmas is on me.

Marge, darling, remember when we agreed

you should take it down a few notches?

Yeah, the notches. Always with the notches.