Weird City

- Glail! - Yeah.

You got the detonators?

- Hell, yeah! - Good.

Alright.

The truck should roll in any minute.

We'll wait for the drivers to leave, and then...

- Bang! We blow the door off that mother.

- And a whole big-ass payload of chemicals is ours for the taking.

- Uh-huh. We gonna use those chemicals to manufacture Schnootzy.

- The most powerful drug available.

- Hm! - Makes meth and bath salts seem like artificial sweetener!

- Ha! Ha! Yeah, I just hope... - we don't have to use this.

- Oh, the gun? - Uh-huh.

For sure.

But we will if we have to. We're criminal...

We're criminals.

Yeah...

- But we will if we have to. - We're criminals.

- Yeah... Uh, Charlotta? - What is it, Glail?

- W-why are we saying this to each other?

What?

- Why are we telling each other this?

I mean, we know who we are. We know why we're here.

Why are we talking about it?

We're talking about how...

we're criminals, and we're about to steal some chemicals

to make Schnootzy, the drug that's worse than meth.

- Yeah... You're doing it right now.

- I'm doing what? What the hell are you talking about?

Oh! You know what?

You're probably still wasted from last night.

- Oh! Yeah! - Come on, help me wire these detonators.

- Ha! Yeah! Charlotta, what happened last night?

What?

- Last night. You said I'm probably still messed up

from last night.

Wh-what did we do last night?

- Partying! Drugs! - Drogas! You know!

We're criminals, girl, come on!

Yeah!

- We pull so many crimes, and give so little shit,

that we get totally sh-wasted the night before, dude.

- We don't give a shit! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! But what specifically?

What specifically did we do?

- I don't even remember, to be honest, 'cause, you know...

But probably Schnootzy though, because... we really love that shit.

And it gets you so messed up, it's better than meth in my opinion. It is.

- Yeah. Yeah, but you're guessing?

I just think it's strange that neither one of us knows what happened last night.

- Of course, I remember. - See, we were partying.

You said that.

I can see it now.

- We were partying! - With who?

Dudes. Hot dudes!

Like, six-pack abs galore! Oh yeah!

- Okay. But what were their names?

- Who cares? We're the kind of ladies that don't care what some dude's names are!

- No, Charlotta, I'm serious. - Tell me some of their names.

- There was Sammy. - But... Sammi with an "I".

Who else?

- Timmy. - Hm...

- But there was a "y" where the "I" was supposed to be,

and an "I" where the "y" was supposed to be.

- Hm. - Oh! He was the hottest one of all.

- Yeah! Good ol' Sammi and Tymmi.

That's real generic, Charlotta. Real generic names, Charlotta!

- Oh, come on, Glail! You're shaking me while I'm holding powerful-ass explosives?

- Dumbass! - I'm sorry.

- But I mean, you saw it, right, like, as I was describing it?

In your mind's eye. You know.

- I mean, it was real shadowy and unspecific.

- Oh, well, I'm sorry that my memory doesn't have the budget

to shoot a killer party scene for you.

- What?! You just said your memory doesn't have the budget!

Okay, shut the hell up, Glail!

Help me wire these goddamn explosives!

Look at your hands.

You're just moving your hands around with chords in them.

You're not doing anything!

You don't even know how to do it!

- Glail, I know how to wire explosives.

This...

is bullshit.

That's enough!

Get your shit together, Glail!

What the hell?

- See? You didn't even make contact.

Wh... I mean...

Well, I h... I heard the sounds though.

- The sound came from somewhere else.

- No, no, no, no, no. No. - This is crazy. Nope. Nope.

- You know what's even crazier? - What?

- I feel like walking over there.

Oh, w-w-where? Where?

- Past where I feel like we supposed to be walking.

- Yo... No, no, no. - I'm scared.

- Glail, don't do it. - Just one foot in front of the other.

- You just got to keep moving. - Glail!

Be careful!

Ha! Where am I?

What the hell?

What is this? - It's a table with, uh... coffee and doughnuts, and...

- oh my lord, they have jicama. - They have jicama?

- Do you think we can take these?

- I mean, I feel like it's for us.

Look!

Holy shit, Glail, it's us!

- Charlotta, we're on a TV show. - And it's the...

series finale!

- Well, that sounds like the end.

- Oh hey! - Ah!!

- Hey, I'm Mario, from Tender Pipes.

I can fix any plumbing problem your house has.

For instance, if your drains are clogged.

Ha! Ha! If you got pipes that need scrappin',

I'm your guy.

I can do anything your house needs.

I got all the tools necessary for the job.

You got a broken down toilet? No problem.

Your whole house is flooding? I got you.

Just call the number on the bottom of the screen, ask for Mario!

I'll fix your house! Ha! Ha!

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- Wait! What the hell just happened?

- We faded to commercial. - Charlotta, do you know what this means?

Not exactly, but I want a PEJ.

- It means that we're characters in a TV show.

This is the series finale, which means, in about 20 minutes, we no longer exist!

- Oh, my God, Glail... I want to live. - I want to live too.

- I mean, maybe if we figure out what kind of fucking show we're on,

well, we can figure out how to keep it going.

- You said "fuck", so I'm thinking it's premium cable.

- Oh goddamn, that's good. - Why is that good?

- Just artistically. - Doesn't help our situation.

- You know, let's think this through.

What can we control?

Uh, I woke up this morning,

I went to meet Palph at the storeroom to get explosives...

- Uh... - What the hell is this on our faces?

- I-I don't know. - Uh, I came to meet you.

- And then, I, uh... - It's a map!

It shows where you went. It's for the audience.

- Oh. - Try this. Say something that didn't happen.

- Okay. I went to the candy store.

- And that didn't happen. - No.

If what you're saying is true,

in reality, you didn't do anything because we only exist in 30-minute increments.

- I think we actually exist in our increments, 'cause this feels like a drama.

- Oh really? I thought it was kind of funny.

Hasn't made me chuckle.

- Okay. If you said you went to the candy store, but didn't,

yet it still shows up on the map,

that means that we still have some control over our past.

- And by extension, our future. Look!

- Candy! - Ah!

Okay, okay!

I woke up, I went to get some coffee,

and then, I went to the dress shop,

I bought a gown and... I left wearing it.

Holy shit! I want a gown too!