Family Ornaments

The cake is delicious.

You ate my cake?

No, that's just what I hear people saying.

I still can't believe how big the kids are getting.

Dad really dotes on them.

You know, I was thinking with Christmas coming up,

Dad could probably use a change of scenery.

Maybe spend it with me this year.

Halfway across the world? In Japan?

No, no, no.

Christmas in this big old house without mom.

It'd be good for him.

Please.

Home with his family is exactly

where he needs to be on Christmas.

You know, some of us have fond memories in this house.

Yeah. They're all picture perfect, I'm sure.

I don't think this is the time or place,

but the would've could've should've speech.

Reminiscence and dismiss.

You know what?

Girls, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Dad's not much of a traveler, Shannon.

He doesn't share your sense of wanderlust.

He's content being a homebody like me.

Look around, Meredith.

Things change.

Honey, have you tried Shannon's chocolate cake?

It's, it's incredible.

This is the Christmas store.

According to the map.

Oh, hush. It's got great reviews.

For what? Dumping bodies.

Okay. Who's coming?

No one wants to help me pick out

this year's family Christmas keepsake?

I'm cool with whatever you want.

It's not what I want.

We're family. It's what we want.

Yeah, right. We.

How about you put down that phone and join this family.

Why don't you send us pictures?

You do tend to dismiss our suggestions in a very nice way.

How about considering letting someone else pick out this

Like last year's mitten ornament?

It was a limited edition on sale.

How are we mittens people?

We live in a desert.

I'll pick out the ornament.

Rotating who picks the ornament,

that's a good idea, right?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We are not breaking Grandma's tradition.

Like she'd even know.

This is what I'm talking about.

Be nice to your mom.

Wow.

Wow. Okay, that is a perfect color there, Meredith.

(Trickster speaking foreign language.

Uh, excuse me.

Ah, the English.

I said, you have exquisite taste.

You're quite the salesperson.

Proprietor since 1840.

It's been in the family since 1840.

Wow.

Oh, that is amazing.

How come I've never heard of this place before?

We're a traveling emporium.

Oh, a pop-up store.

If you like.

We circumnavigate the globe offering our wares

to those in holiday yearning.

And you chose to set up shop here.

We serve all manner of class from kings to paupers alike.

Even the bourgeoisie.

Okay.

Thanks.

Perhaps if you were to inform me as to what you desire,

I may have what you truly need.

Window shopping. Thank you.

We have all manner of keepsakes and forsakes.

What harm could come?

You're not gonna let up are you?

Indulge me.

What do I want?

What do I want?

I want what every parent wants.

A picture perfect holiday.

No stress. Everything effortlessly falls into place.

The whole family getting along and wearing silly smiles

while appreciating all of the hard work I do

to make Christmas merry.

You got that hanging around?

Wish.

There's one.

I was gonna call it.

Too slow.

What's the, uh, big idea?

You shouldn't be up there.

And you shouldn't be parenting your father.

House rules.

Well technically I'm visiting, not living here,

so I don't think they apply.

We're here to visit Grandpa, not be on our phones.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hold on.

Remember no ball in the house

and stay out of the carriage house pass way.

Yes ma'am.

Yeah, who builds a tunnel under their house anyway?

Oh, well, actually used to be really common

in the turn of the century, they would build it so...

Hey, sports star!

Grandpa.

How many Christmas trees you count this year?

Guess.

Seven.

- 14. - Whoa! That's a record.

And it's not a competition, buddy.

Yes, it is.

Good to see you, Dave.

- You too, Pat. - Yes, it is.

- Merry Christmas. - All right.

It's a competition.

Hey, don't make a mess in there, huh?

- Hey, stranger. - Hi.

- Have you seen my granddaughter? - She's about, yeah high.

Come here.

Uh, hello.

These suitcases are not gonna unpack themselves.

Please tell me I'm adopted.

You're family.

And there's nothing we can do about it.

Boink.

Okay, I found the reinforcements.

We can avoid the annual sweaters

versus thermostat debate.

She's not that little girl anymore.

And apparently I'm Mom-Zilla.

Come on.

All teenagers are surly, some are more gifted.

You know, she's been texting my sister

since mom's funeral.

Now they're all besties.

You don't know that.

I check her phone.

Don't, David, she's 16.

She still needs parenting.

Well, there's no pause button on parenting.

No pause button on parenting.

Where'd you get that one?

I read it in a parenting book.

Okay. A T-shirt.

Look, I know things aren't great between you guys right now,

but don't beat yourself up.

It's a normal teenager phase.

It won't last long.

Sure feels like it will.

Things change.

What?

That wasn't from a T-shirt.

What?

You know, Halloween's over, right, Shannon?

It's an abstract design, Meredith.

I'm sorry your provincial mind can't see

beyond red and green.

Shannon, why don't you try some gold paint?

What for?

It could make your ornament look more like a star.

I'm not making a star.

- Clearly. - Brown-noser.

Weirdo.

You know, don't hate on me just because I got all

of mom's talents.

Is it true, Mom?

Is Meredith more talented than me?

Sweetie, we each have

our own unique strengths and weaknesses.

Why is nothing I do ever good enough for you?

All I said was that each of us has our own unique

What about this? Hmm?

Was this good enough for you? No.

I was eight.

Oh, what about this?

Oh, no, I didn't smelt the silverware.

- Weirdo. - Brown-noser.

Girls, don't!

Let the festivities begin.

Ho, ho, ho!

Oh, no, no, no.

Katie.

Come on. Let's go.

It's gonna be fun. It always is.

It always is.

- This is family- - Where are you gonna sit?

This is family tradition.

I'll sit on the end.

Did grandma ever have any other hobbies?