Teachers

So I went out with a drug dealer on...

Jared S., make a better choice!

Saturday night.

- It was incredible. - Oh, that is so awesome.

Okay, Alfred G., three, two...

Not today, my friend.

Was he, like, a mobster or something?

No, he, like, sells Vicodin on the low, full time.

Stop. Down. Now.

If you tell me he has a goatee,

I'm gonna be so jealous.

He was really tender.

Xavier L., is that your...

thank you for making a good choice, Xavier L.

But not too tender,

if you know what I mean.

Did you do the deed?

Okay, Room 301, we're done down here.

We do not make gestures like that.

These are bad kids.

The worst.

What's up with this cake?

My class made it for Hunger Action Month.

Then shouldn't they be eating it?

No. I took it away from them,

so they could know the true meaning of hunger.

Well, I've decided to treat myself

ever since my breakup with Jacob.

How are you doing?

Not that well.

Hasn't it been, like, a year?

14 months.

Ladies, I'm so glad you're all here for the meeting.

- What meeting?. - The anti-bullying committee

meeting.

Ms. Feldman?

Ms. Feldman, are you here for the meeting?

The meeting?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Were you just sleeping?

No. No, I was not.

Okay.

I just got off the phone with Mrs. Lark from district.

A while back, they mandated that every school

launch an anti-bullying program.

I need this committee to come up with ways

to prevent bullying here at Fillmore.

But we don't have a bullying problem.

I know, but someone reported that we didn't have a program,

and now we have to have one.

- That was me. - Why would you do that?

But then how are we going to know who the popular kids are?

- What? - I thought I was excused

from all extracurricular activities

due to emotional stress.

That was never a thing.

This is going to make a real difference.

I know in high school when Lauren Zellnek

convinced everyone that I was gay

and put fetal pigs in my locker,

I could have used a program like this.

Anyway, I need you all to come up with different ways

to prevent bullying at Fillmore.

- Are you all in? - Yes.

Because with cutbacks looming, it's volunteering

for a program like this that would keep you

from getting fired.

- I'm in. - Me, too.

- Yeah, I'll do it. - Yeah, yeah.

- Good. - Yay.

Okay, everyone. Quiet coyote.

Thank you.

Now today I want to talk to you guys about bullies.

Did you know that the word "bully"

originally meant "sweetheart"?

Makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

Because sometimes a bully starts out as a sweetheart.

That's how they get you.

A bully is someone who generally disregards your feelings,

ignores your texts,

and changes the password on your joint Netflix account

- two days after you break up. - Uh, Ms. Watson...

A bully can also take you to Nashville one weekend

on his frequent flier miles,

treat you to bottomless mimosas,

and then on Monday tell you it's over.

What's a mimosa?

It's something women in their 20s order

so they can feel better about drinking in the morning.

I thought we were going to read Cinderella today.

No.

No, I'm not going to be reading you any fairy tales

because they're lies.

The truth is, kids, sometimes Prince Charming

wants to date other people, you know?

And just because you leave a shoe in his apartment

doesn't mean you can show up whenever you want.

Nobody lives happily ever after. Trust me.

My cousin Connie's 39. She just got divorced,

and now she works part-time at a Chicos.

- Chicos? - Yeah, Chicos.

It's Spanish for big shoulders.

Ms. Snap, I drew you a picture of us.

Thank you so much.

Is that supposed to be me?

Yeah.

Where are my cheekbones?

- Uh... - Couple of tips.

We have the same size wrists,

so why do you draw me with the bigger body?

I'm not Miley Cyrus. I don't have horse teeth.

- Okay. - This is really bad.

It's disgusting.

Let's just consider this a rough draft.

Debbie?

Love that chambray dress.

What if we had them write down what they did wrong on signs

and then they could wear them around their necks

like that dog-shaming website?

They're not dogs.

Sometimes bullying can be a good thing.

In high school, my best friend Randy

got called the f-word every day

and now he's head pastor of his church.

Lauren Zellnek tortured me in high school.

It got so bad that I got hemorrhoids

and I had to sit on an innertube in all of my classes.

You must have felt like you were at the pool all day.

Sorry. The hot dad dropped his son off late

and I had to flirt with him.

He is so hot.

- Did you bring any ideas? - Yes, I did.

A compliments board is a great idea.

I think we should christen it by giving

each other compliments.

Um, I'll start.

Chelsea, I think your hair looks really nice today.

I look like a piece of .

So should I not write that down or...

Caroline, um...

I really like how you handled your breakup.

That's not a compliment.

For someone who doesn't have a lot going on for them,

you have a lot of confidence.

Thank you so much.

Raise your hand if you've ever bullied someone.

Okay, guys, bullying is not just pushing,

beating, and shoving.

We can also hurt each other with our words.

So why don't we go ahead and shout out some examples

of verbal bullying?

Marty has a butt chin.

Yes. That is bullying.

Any other examples?

Denise doesn't know who her dad is.

Mm, this is an interesting example.

It sounds like bullying, but is also a factual statement.

So is it bullying?

I don't know the answer there.

Ms. Feldman's gonna be honest with you guys.

I don't know.

This is one of those times

where we're all on the same page learning together,

and it's really fun.

Maggie has the same haircut as my Aunt Linda.

My mom made me get this haircut.

Alison's mom is fat. Chuck's mom is fat.

Brendan's mom is fat.

Alison, Chuck, and Brendan's dads

like it like that.

A lot of guys do.

Did someone already do Maggie's haircut?

You guys, my mom made me go to her hairdresser, Doris.

And Doris only knows one haircut.

I don't think Maggie's haircut is a problem, you guys.

I think it's Doris.

But if we all agree that Maggie's haircut is bad,

then is that bullying?

Yeah. I think it is.

It's 'cause people are very dark inside.

People are very sad and dark inside.

Okay, a little too much?

We'll save that for after lunch.

Oh, my God. What happened?

This is horrible. _

I didn't want this haircut.

Oh, Maggie, honey, ignore the board.

You're beautiful.

Where did they come up with these insults?

This is the opposite of compliments.

This is bullying.

Which is progress because this morning

they didn't even know you could bully with words?

Unbelievable.

The compliments board was a disaster.

Now does anyone have any ideas that are actually good?

We really need an anti-bullying club.

What if we implement a buddy system

where you always have one friend you can really count on?

What if they don't even have one friend?