The Outlaws

I thought I was over Ben but it turns out I'm not.

I want him back.

What do I do?

Tell him how you feel.

You conspired to lure my client to Bristol...

No. ..With the express purpose of planting drugs in his car.

They're trying to discredit me, Your Honour.

They're setting me up. DS Haines!

In the UK, there are far more people needing sperm than there are donors.

But my doctor said I need to get pregnant as soon as possible.

Then you may be better off with a donor you already know.

Can you think of anyone?

Do you know what's on The Dean's hard drive?

Proof of his whole operation.

The police would have searched his house

and they would have found the safe.

A dummy one. The real one is well hidden behind a horse.

We need to keep eyes o The Dean's house in London.

Front gate about two metres high.

Garden walls look about a metre thick.

And there's some kind of bodyguard and he's armed.

Oh, we're in trouble!

We have to move the break in forward.

We're not ready. Then The Dean gets out tomorrow.

And we're all dead.

HE LAUGHS

Your room is on the second floor, room 22.

Lift is just there. Thanks.

There you go.

Can you cover me?

I really need to see my boyfriend.

Tori, you horn-dog! Go get it, girl!

Um, Ben...

Er...

I don't know how today's gonna go down.

It's the most dangerous thing we've done,

and I might not get the chance to say this to you -

not that I have a right to say this to you,

after how I've treated you.

But the thing is...

TAKES A DEEP BREATH

I really...

..think we should give us another go.

Because I love you.

Tori... Tori?

SHE SCOFFS

No.

Tori? Tori! Tori! Tori!

Look, I didn't ask for the role of "hysterical girlfriend",

but your ex is wanted for murder,

you're hiding her in your flat and you're clearly still together!

No, we're not!

Ben, I can't be part of this.

Just let me explain, Tori.

Please let go of the door.

Let go of the door!

ENGINE STARTS

HORN TOOTS

Rani, let's go! We've got a schedule to keep.

You're the one who laminated it.

Come on! We've got to break into

a drug dealer's mansion by 4!

Do we know where the safe is in the house?

No. All we know is it's "behind a horse",

or whatever that means.

Did you two find out anything about the security system?

Well, even if we can find the safe,

stealing what's inside it isn't going to be easy.

We don't know the code.

And if we move the safe, then that triggers

a motion-sensor alarm which triple-locks all the doors

and brings shutters down on the windows.

ALARM BLARES

If we manage to get it outside,

the garden gate and the walls have anti-climb technology.

And the security guard carries a machine.

A machine? Yeah, an iron.

A gun! Well, say that, then!

Gabby and I don't know all the slang terms for guns.

I do. No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

Burner, iron, ting, leng, joint, mac, gat, mash, matic,

milly, glizzy, pole, stick, strap, wap, nine,

rotty, botty and tum-tum.

Aren't those last three Teletubbies?

What about po-po? That definitely is.

No, no. Po-po is police,

and they're called automatically.

Basically, our biggest threat is the security guy.

HE CRIES OUT

No-o-o-o!

What a way to go.

Death by Tinky-Winky.

What's the big emergency?

I was in the middle of a particularly tricky Wordle.

Schedule's moved up. It's happening today.

What do you mean, today?

Plan's already underway.

I'm driving to London with Rani after she collects

what she needs from her parents' place.

We'll meet the others at The Dean's crib.

They'll lift the hard drive and it'll end up in a red tool box.

When you step in...

..it can't look like we're working together.

HE SCOFFS Why do you care what they think?

I told you, all I care about is me -

but I don't wanna be left hanging out there.

So, once it's done...

..you force me into the vehicle.

And the deal's 50:50.

I was lying in bed this morning

thinking about you.

Am I supposed to be flattered?

I was saying to myself...

.."Is he playing me?"

Cos if you are, the next time your friends see you,

you're gonna be colder than a snowman's dick.

Do you hear me?

Um... Assuming we get our hands on this hard drive,

what's to say it's not password protected?

Oh.

PHONE RINGS

Go for Diane.

Do you remember when we were in

your store cupboard at probation?

You mean my office?

Yeah, sure, your office. You said

the reason you don't keep notes on your computer is because...

Criminals have logarithms that can hack any password

in two minutes or less.

Where did you get that information from?

That is classified.

Diane. Fine.

From Nigel. He works in IT at probation.

Do you reckon if you flashed Nigel some cleavage,

he would write us a program to crack The Dean's hard drive?

Hmm. I'm pretty sure Nigel's gay.

He's very flappy with his hands

and he hasn't once checked out my arse.

But...

..even if I can't turn Nigel's head,

I know someone who might.

I'm on it!

LINE DISCONNECTS

In a few hours, The Dean leaves court a free man.

And he'll be back slinging crack and smack,

and when someone ODs or some kid is caught

in the crossfire, that's on you!

You bloody amateur! Call me that again.

Oh, and you'll what, amateur?

Let her go. Lucy, no!

Let her go. Get the fuck off me!

You're done!

Like this case.

You understand, right?

You're done.

That was exciting, wasn't it?

Could've sold tickets for that.

She's right.

I'll have the stink on me for the rest of my days.

I'm screwed.

Hey, come here.

SHE SOBS

NEARBY CHATTER

And?

It's negative. Well, give it time.

I don't have time, Greg!

That's the whole point. I'm never gonna be a mum

and I'm gonna die alone and unloved like you!

Sorry. Lashing out.

Bloody hormones!

You're not pregnant yet.

No. Fair point. Well, look, don't worry.

I'm gonna get you up the duff

if I have to spend morning, noon and night

wanking like a safari park chimp.

OK?

Thanks, Greg.

Why have you baked scones?

Well, you said make an effort.

I said, "Dress sexy," Mary Berry.

And what you wearing?

You look like Andy Murray at Pride.

Hi, Nige. Hi, Diane.

Have you met Stan, my new apprentice?

All right, mate?

An "all right, mate" to you, too.

Wow!

What a big one you've got there.

I mean, what is that? Is that...34 inches?

38-inch ultra-wide.

I mean, I dream of getting my hands on that kind of...

...girth.

Why? Do you do a lot of gaming?

I mean, I like to play around, if you will.

Stan here, he's got a hard drive

and he's got a lot of, um,

no-make-up selfies on it, if you catch my drift.

But he's forgotten the password.

How would he get back into it?