Rules of Engagement

Hey, Russell.

Have you seen Adam?

Adam, uh, six feet tall, brown hair,

lives with a chick who's

w-w-way too hot for him?

All right, even your compliments are creepy.

All right, he's with Timmy,

and they're with a client for the rest of the afternoon.

Ugh. So coming down here was a complete waste of time.

Well, now, not necessarily.

What are you talking about?

Well, you seem tense, and, uh...

I think I have just the thing to relax you.

Yeah, you wish.

No, you do.

Ah!

What happened? Did you have a bad dream?

No.

I had the worst dream.

I was having sex with Russell.

Oh, wow. Oh, my...

Wow, honey, that's awful.

Good night.

Hidey-ho, Jeffrey.

Should have gone peephole. Uh...

Yeah, Audrey's, uh, not here, so...

Well, here's the dealio.

Uh, the Bertmans are moving back,

so I had to find a new sublet.

Oh, well, we'll sure miss having you living directly above us,

tap-dancing at all hours of the night and such.

Well, the problem is there's a one-week gap

between the Bertmans moving back

and my new place being ready.

So I guess what I'm asking you, Jeffrey, is...

Can you help me with my gap?

Look, having you live with us would be a real treat.

Unfortunately, the guest room

is, uh, piled high with baby furniture,

and, uh...

Plus, uh, there's all that asbestos.

The economy.

Oh. Hey, guys. What's going on?

Oh, I was just asking Jeff

if I could bunk with you guys for the week,

but he told me about the baby furniture

in the guest room, so...

That stuff's not getting delivered till next month.

Aud...

Uh, what about that delivery that I got yesterday?

You mean the pizza you ordered and ate in the bathtub?

We would be happy to have you stay with us, Liz.

Oh, roomies!

It'll be just like Three's Company.

Did you not get that I was signaling you?

Yes, I did manage to crack your sophisticated code.

Then why are you letting Liz stay with us? She's a disaster.

She's got no boundaries.

What about all her disgusting cats?

I'm sure she'll put them in a kennel.

She should put herself in a kennel.

Jeff, she's our friend.

And she needs help, so we help.

It's called being a person.

There we are, sir.

It appears your work here is done.

Unless, of course, you wish to join me

in, uh, breaking in the table.

It's possible he made an incorrect assumption.

Whoa. Sweet table, yo.

What's it doing here? Ah, Mr. Rhodes.

Well, when Sullivan retired,

there was a disagreement between Mr. Dunbar and myself

about what to do with his office.

What did Russell want to do with it?

He wanted to cover the floor with mattresses

and call it the boneyard.

Well, he is the boss.

Still, I convinced him a ping-pong table

could help bring people together. Hmm.

Sounds like that boneyard idea might work too.

We'll keep that as a backup, sir.

Look at this, huh? Mm-hmm.

Look at this, tournament-grade surface,

three-quarter inch top, reinforced aluminum apron.

Nice.

Ah, Mr. Rhodes, you play ping-pong.

Well, Tim, if you consider winning

the after-school enrichment program

for kids whose parents couldn't pick them up by 3:00

ping-pong championship playing...

Then, yeah, I play.

Oh. Not to boast, but,

uh, I've been known to stroke the balls a bit in my day.

Why would I say it like that?

I mean, really.

So, what do you say, huh? What do you say, Tim?

Should we get our pong on? Yeah. Oh.

Oh, cool. A ping-pong table.

Yeah, sorry, guys,

but Timmy and I are about to... About to play, so...

Perhaps we could all play doubles. Now, hold on.

What pong championships have you won?

Um, none.

Oh, man, I can't do this.

He's gonna bring down my game.

Mr. Rhodes, remember this is about camaraderie.

Hey, I'm Fred. I work up in... No names.

Just grab a blade, and let's do this.

Hey, Aud, you almost ready, or should I make myself a drink?

I'll just be another sec. Okay.

Past experience doesn't make me question that at all.

Well, I finally got all my stuff unloaded.

I am one sweaty dog.

Woof.

I'm gonna have that drink.

Look at you, Mr. Sharp-dressed man.

I was all hot, but now I'm bothered.

Aud.

Oh, Jeff, I was also thinking

about our morning bathroom schedule.

Ugh.

Uh, I need to book the commode from 8:00 to 8:30.

Oh, and I have prescription toilet paper,

so I think we need to keep our rolls separate.

I don't know what is going on with my plumbing.

Oh, no, no. Jeff, Jeff, don't pour a drink.

Come on, you're gonna make us late.

Me?

I... I've been...

Forget it.

Actually, Audrey, Jeff's been ready for a while.

He's been waiting for you.

Well, I was in...

I had to change...

All right. All right. It's my fault.

I'm sorry.

It's your fault, and you're sorry?

Yes. I will try to be better about managing my time.

Come on, let's go.

Audrey actually said it was her fault. You heard that.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Here's your rice pudding, sir.

Yummy.

Oh, did you go through it?

Yes, I removed all the rice as you requested.

You know what? They're just too pointy.

Timmy.

Timmy, we've got a match coming up.

We aren't you wearing the outfit that I bought you?

I'd rather not, Mr. Rhodes.

Hmm.

What if your boss ordered you to?

Would he wear the exact same outfit as you?

Yep. Ordered.

Oh. Hey.

You will never guess what happened last night.

Hmm. You know, I'm sorry,

but I have to really focus on my pudding right now.

Jen had a sex dream about you.

Okay.

I'm gonna need you to speak very slowly.

Start from the beginning,

and remember, no detail is unimportant.

I can't. I can't. I got to go stretch.

Stretching can wait, sir!

I mean, Adam, buddy...

Don't you think you owe it to Jen

to find out the meaning of this dream?

As Freud so eloquently put,

"Dreams are the guardians of sleep." Hmm.

Now, was I riding her like a bull in a rodeo?

I... I don't know.

I just know she woke up screaming.

Screaming in ecstasy.

Yes!

Dream Russell knows what the ladies like.

Hi. Hey, honey.

Ugh.

Hey, could you, uh, take these papers

down to the recycling in the basement, please?

I was gonna have a beer.

Yeah, it'll just take a second.

Audrey, your fella just had a long day at work.

How about a little how do you do

before you give him the old honey do?

Fine.

I'll take them.

I work too, you know.

You go, girl.

So, you actually like having Liz live with you?

Like it? Last night was the best night of my life.

Oh, Jeff, that stuff is terrible for you.

I thought we agreed to eat healthier.

If you want Jeff to eat better,

you're gonna have to cook more and complain less.

Oh, we really need a new dining-room set.

Well, you don't need one. You want one.

Come on, Jeff, I want to watch The Amazing Race.

Hey, it's not his fault

the game went into extra innings.