Pivoting

Okay, I'm gonna say that you like water sports,

because that'll make you 10% more attractive.

This is dumb. I don't need to be on a dating app.

This is a great place to meet people.

I helped a very nice woman to her car the other night.

Oh, no, we know. The banana hoarderer.

It's "hoarder." Okay, we get it.

You went to med school, alright?

Well, yes, that is the woman I'm talking about,

and... fine.

Say I like water sports. I just Googled "water sports."

I think it means something different on the apps.

Ugh. Okay, we're gonna do the profile picture now.

Yeah. Thanks.

Now? Yeah. Let's lead with the boobs.

What? I can't believe you're doing this.

What's happening? Ugh.

Read 'em and weep. Let's go.

Huh. Ooh.

Now, what is that?

Is that a nursing bra?

It's my work bra!

It's got support in the front for lifting.

Oh, okay. So if you don't want someone

with a moving truck, you're gonna wanna ditch that.

Here, I've got something that'll make them pop.

It's Tuesday "sex night" with Dan, and, you know.

This is the only time it's gonna come off, so...

Oh.

I'll be right here, just waiting.

Here you go. No, no, no, no, no.

That doesn't go with those pants.

I don't wear underwear in these, so...

Sarah: Guys, there's no one worth dating on these apps.

It's like online shopping,

but there's nothing in my size or style.

Well, at least you're bi.

I mean, imagine if you had to choose from only the men.

Wait a minute. Does that say "Good Vibes Only"?

Oh, God. That's not very inclusive.

Oh, okay. Here.

Here's someone who doesn't completely make me sick.

Oh, yeah.

You two would have very attractive sex.

Right? Amy: Hang on.

Does that say Merrick Skateway?

Look at her background.

It is.

She's wearing the uniform. She works there.

We have to go check her out.

And we can skate! Amy, we can take our kids.

It would be so fun.

I was gonna bring them to that booger-infested playground

at the mall, but no, I guess this is a step up.

Guys, I don't even want to be dating,

much less have you as my wingmen with your children.

Mm. But you are never gonna find happiness

if you don't put yourself out there.

It's all about manifesting joy.

Or so says O Magazine.

Oh, crap on a stick.

It's a mother from Luke's school.

Hide me, please.

Oh, excuse me. Did she just avoid me?

The nerve!

Hi! I thought that was you!

It's me.

I just want to say I'm sorry

Luke wasn't invited to Dylan's party.

I didn't -- I didn't know that he had a p--

There was a party. Yeah.

It's just that we're encouraging Dylan to be more authentic,

and he doesn't feel like he and Luke have a lot in common,

so it would be inauthentic to pretend they're friends.

Dylan likes animals, but not all the time.

Yeah, right. No, of course.

Um, we're -- we're all grown-ups here, so...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No big deal.

Oh, one thing, um...

I want you to know that I avoided you first.

Okay, Dylan's Mom?

Luke isn't getting invited to birthday parties now.

I mean, what is that?

When we were kids, we were taught to be nice.

Everyone was invited, even the losers.

And we got a lifelong friendship out of it.

Yes! Who -- Wait. Who are you talking about?

Hey, hey, hey. You got a foot in the door.

Let's all just be grateful.

Can I have one of the new Popsicles?

Depends.

Who's the best mom in the whole world?

You are!

Grocery shopping

is so much more fun when you come with --

Hi.

Hey, Jodie.

Uh, I read that Oprah article you told me about.

It is awesome.

Isn't Oprah the best?

Mommy! I want a Popsicle!

Yeah, totally.

Um, hey, so, I am working on manifesting my joy,

and there's something that I wanted to ask you about,

but, um...

kind of worried that it might be inappropriate.

You can talk to me about anything.

Mommy, I want Popsicles!

I want Pop--

Go get it! Sorry, that wasn't to you.

Oh, man, the gym would kill me if they knew

I was asking a client this.

Can you give me advice on starting my own fitness company?

Oh.

But it's gonna be more than a company, you know?

It's gonna be a-a fitness empire --

Classes, supplements, sleeveless T-shirts, you know?

That all sounds great, but why do you think I can help?

Well, I mean, you used to work at a bank.

You understand money and business.

Plus, I've seen you use the Reminders app on your phone,

and that is awesome.

Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.

Have you ever considered taking some business courses

at Nassau Community College?

I knew you would have the answer.

You always have the answer. You are such a real grown-up.

Oh, shoot. I gotta go.

Um, I got a client, but I will talk to you later, okay?

Thank you so much.

Really, it was nothing.

Alright, bye.

Oy.

Don't tell your brother you licked those.

They're tonight's dessert.

Mommy's home.

Hi, Mommy. Hi, Mommy.

Ooh, look, Julia. That's your mommy, remember?

Okay, I think she knows who I am, Gloria.

You're home early. Yeah, a guy fell off the scaffolding at the site.

He'll be fine, but we're pretending he won't, so half day.

Hey, Luke, guess what.

You and I are gonna go to the roller rink right now.

But I want to work on this 700-piece puzzle

of an African Bear.

Mm-hmm, okay, okay. So here's the thing.

We're gonna have a little chat right now, okay?

Alright, I'm gonna shoot you straight.

It's time to broaden our horizons.

I mean, the animal stuff, it's very cool, but it's a lot,

and I think it alienates the other kids.

And plus, you can't go drinking in college

with African Bears, right?

Of course you can't.

African Bears have been extinct for thousands of years.

Yeah, Mommy.

Okay, I need you to try to be cool, okay?

I am begging you.

I know you love spending time with me,

but it would mean a lot to your mom

if you went roller skating.

We'll do the puzzle tomorrow.

Okay, Gloria.

Doing a great job, buddy.

I don't know what the problem is.

He's a perfect little angel.

He's not getting invited to birthday parties, Gloria.

It's their loss.

Okay, we have to fire Gloria.

She's way too supportive of Luke.

We need someone more shame-y.

I think you got that covered.

What are you doing? I'm trying to fix him, okay?

This is all your fault.

He gets the whole animal obsession thing from you.

I'm not obsessed.

I just like them and know everything about them.

Plus, I got invited to plenty of birthday parties.

It's because you've been handsome since birth.

Yes, but also 'cause I was so good at magic.

You keep that to yourself. Okay.

Look, I was Luke's age when I met Coleen.

He's not even gonna have a dead friend to mourn.

Don't worry, I'm sure something tragic

will happen to someone he loves.

Oh, God. I hope so. I don't --

Okay, I'm not taking Julia,

so since you're home, thank you.

Why can't we ask Gloria to stay?

Because I'm home. Obviously.

That's... Luke!

Jodie: You guys!

After all these years,

it still smells like pound cake in here.

Aw, Jodie.

That's old skate sweat and carpet fungus.

That is what that is.

Guys, do you remember Couples Skate?

It was so hard to skate

and make out at the same time, but we did it.