Hotel Hell

Tonight on Hotel Hell...

I'll be investigating a murder mystery

in the Idaho town of Coeur d'Alene.

But the victim isn't a person...

It's the Roosevelt inn.

There are plenty of clues as I dust for fingerprints.

Probably someone's ashes in an urn.

And uncover...

Horrific stains.

Oh, God.

Brilliant.

The prime suspect is the owner,

a Sherlock Holmes wannabe, who disguises himself as a chef.

We must cook the fabulous food.

But can't even boil an egg.

Oh, it's raw.

You're a joke.

I'm gonna kill him.

Just talk to my hand.

I've got to solve the case before there's another victim.

The owner's marriage.

I just feel like I'm gonna suffocate.

Surrounded by stunning lakes

and close to two major ski resorts,

Coeur d'Alene is one of Idaho's

premiere vacation destinations.

It's also home to the Roosevelt inn.

The inn is a 16-bedroom converted schoolhouse

owned and run by one of its former students John hough.

The Roosevelt inn is the first hotel

I've ever actually owned.

I was up here signing the papers,

and I called my wife Tina.

And I say, "we now own the Roosevelt inn."

And all of a sudden I hear this...

'Cause she started crying.

I did not want to buy the hotel, but John really did.

I have told John many times

that he won't be cold in the ground,

and I'm on my way home to Kentucky.

The Roosevelt inn is not just hell for Tina.

It's hell for the guests who have to put up

with the consequences of John's eccentric behavior.

Sorry, we're not trying to be a pain.

Yes, you are.

I would say that the hotel is struggling

because it's dated, it's old.

Probably 'cause it is old.

And the food coming out

of the inn's shoe box-size kitchen

is as bad as the decor.

Ugh!

Whoa. Strong fish flavor.

Oblivious to the problems, John's performance never stops.

I'll ask you questions, you'll give me answers.

I'll ask questions, you'll give answers.

And I'll ask you questions, you'll give me answers.

As John is more focused on playing dress-up...

How was that, Watson?

Than on being an innkeeper.

John refuses to grow old gracefully.

It's Halloween for John every day.

He loves to dress up.

It's the curse! It's the bloody curse!

Once a month at the Roosevelt,

we put on a murder mystery and dinner.

How's everything going in here for you?

Fine.

I basically do everything.

Do you want to finish making up this bed,

and I'll do the bathroom? Okay, great.

I feel my dad doesn't appreciate my mom.

My mom works three times harder than my dad does.

There are times that I'll come in,

and she's out busy doing something,

and he's sitting on the couch reading a book.

As the business has suffered,

so has John and Tina's relationship.

We actually had to go through marriage counseling.

I don't think John understands the sacrifice I've made.

Unless I can get this place on the road to recovery,

John and Tina will lose everything.

If I lose the Roosevelt, I don't just lose my job.

I lose my home.

I'd become unemployed and homeless

in one fell swoop.

Dang it!

I don't think we're gonna pull out of this one.

I'm here in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.

I seriously hope this place is better

than the other holes I've stayed in.

Oh, my God.

Look at that.

They say all publicity is good publicity.

But with a billboard that old-fashioned...

I'm not so sure.

You're joking, aren't you? Come on.

The Roosevelt inn, bed and breakfast.

Looks like something out of the Addams family.

"Roosevelt school."

The place looks grim from the outside.

Hello. Welcome to the Roosevelt.

Good to see you.

I recognize that voice, you're Gordon Ramsay.

Okay, well good to see you.

My God, look at those chairs there.

Are they from the school?

They are.

Those came out of the first grade classroom.

Oh, look, you almost fit.

Are you expecting some dwarves, or just...?

First impression from the outside,

it's almost like walking into a funeral parlor.

Ooh.

It smells like as well... what is that?

Is that... Did the dog...?

Uh...

Oh, boy, I sure hope not.

Oh, hon... Jeez, man.

This is our dining room.

Who's the chef here?

I saw a billboard of a guy with the most hideous hat on.

Covered in trees and, like, this 6-foot hat.

It's kind of, uh, grown into

Jean-Pierre,

the mad French chef of the Roosevelt

'cause you're in Coeur d'Alene.

It's a French-named town, you know,

so we must cook the fabulous food and wear this outfit.

Now you'll see, um, school photos.

Yes.

Down the hallway here, and these are of kids

that went to school here at the Roosevelt.

And the ones with the arrows pointing at the really cute,

adorable little boy, that's me, of course.

Because I went to school here.

Oh, you went to school here.

My elementary school.

Who wants to live in their old school?

It's like getting a detention that never ends.

The guests get to hang out down here with the dogs...

And watch TV.

You are kidding me.

You can't smell those dogs?

Oh, yes, I can.

The dogs actually, believe it or not, Gordon,

are one of the highlights here.

Now you're sounding deluded.

What's next?

Our little ballroom or our multipurpose room.

Oh, come on.

Rohan, you're not supposed to be in this room.

Don't you think this place could at least have

some form of makeover?

Well, sadly, Gordon, we renovated this room

four years ago.

This is new.

Stop. No.

This room looks like it was last decorated in 1908,

not 2008.

How much did you spend on that?

54,000. 54,000?

Five-four.

Yeah.

Not 5,400, 54,000?

I know. Lovely, huh?

And does it generate money?

No.

I can't believe anyone would want to rent that space.

It's hideous.

I'm dying to have a look upstairs.

It can't get any worse.

It could get worse.

What's your, uh, occupancy across the year?

Probably around mid-20s.

20% across the board?

Ouch.

I'm amazed you find it so funny.

This is your room.

Okay, what's with all the pink?

It's like someone threw up strawberry milkshake

all over the place.

My room has two levels,

each as bad as the other.

Oh!

Everything looks like we're in a time warp.

I mean, it's so dated.

So my room, how much do you pay to stay in here?

Uh, 319.

$319.

Bloody hell.

I'm speechless.

30-year-old decor, $319 a night.

Can I ask you something? Fire away.

Why do you think everything's a big joke?