The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas

You are a calamity! A disgrace!

You've got no professional detachment,

and you can't keep your big nose out of other people's business!

As an intergalactic observer, you stink!

Did anybody else see those big letters flying by? (LAUGHS)

You are hopeless, "Kazoo"!

Actually it's "Gazoo." "Ga!" Let's all say it together.

Silence! We are sending you to a planet with virtually no civilization to muck up.

Please, no. Anything but...

Earth!

You are to document the earthlings' bizarre mating ritual of love and marriage.

Why can't they reproduce like we do?

It's a boy!

-And so green and slimy. -Quit sucking up! (SNAPS FINGERS)

Wait. Surely there must be others more qualified than I.

Of course. But why risk losing one of them?

Not Earth!

They haven't even invented pants yet!

Have you seen my legs?

Imagine the moron who's going to get stuck with "Kazoo."

This is an exciting time for us, isn't it, Barney?

Sure, Fred.

No job, no money, no women. Things are really looking up.

Don't worry. Everything's gonna change once we pass our finals tomorrow.

Uh, Fred?

And I know just how to ace this test.

All these other mugs are gonna stay up all night studying.

-Fred... -Don't interrupt.

When they finally do get to sleep, all the information is gonna fall out of their heads.

Now me, I'm way ahead of everybody. I'm not gonna study tonight.

I'm gonna get a good night's rest, get up extra early and study in the morning.

That way, everything will still be up front of my noggin by the time I take the test.

-That's great. There's just one thing. -What's that?

The test is today!

Today?

Flintstone! You're next!

Next up on Bronto-simulator #3, Fred Flintstone.

Go!

You think you can handle a Brontocrane with a backfiring problem?

Crane's got trouble, just call Barney Rubble.

Oh, my aching tummy!

Here you go.

You wish.

Look out! She's gonna blow!

Hey, I got three stomachs! Cut me some slack.

Yes!

-Time! -(BRAKES SQUEALING)

-How'd I do? -Well, Flintstone...

You passed!

Yabba-dabba...

Oooh!

-Congratulations. -Thank you, sir.

Frederick Flintstone.

Way to go, Fred!

-Congratulations, Frederick. -Thank you, sir.

-Melvin Rennick. -Thank you.

-Nice job. -Thank you.

Thank you.

(GIGGLING) Gifts, gifts, gifts!

I'm having the best bridal shower a girl could ever have.

And this one's from Wilma.

Oooh!

Oh! A vacuum cleaner! Thank you, Wilma.

Yeah, like she's gonna do any housework, right?

I give this marriage six months, tops.

-Wilma? -Where's Wilma?

That girl will be the death of me.

Wilma Slaghoople! Staring at that tar pit bedrock again.

There's nothing down there but a bunch of flat-footed, flat-headed Neanderthals,

clubbing each other and grunting.

You know, I hear they're still afraid of fire.

I think they're exactly like you and me.

This is all my fault.

I should never have let you play with the servants' children.

Darling, please.

Come downstairs and at least pretend to be having a good time like everyone else.

Come.

Look! Oven mitts!

Is that all the presents?

Oh. What do we do now?

Ladies, I have an idea.

-What do you say we go for a drive? -To the club!

Actually, I was thinking about going someplace a little different for a change.

Someplace new.

Like, going into Bedrock...

And going bowling?

-Isn't she the best? -Oh, yes, she is!

Yah!

-Whoa. -(BRAYING)

My Wilma! Beautiful and witty,

a prize for any man.

Hello, Chip.

What are you doing here?

I just came by to discuss some business with Colonel Slaghoople.

There's a certain girl I'm thinking of investing in.

Hello, ladies.

Well, I guess the next bridal shower will be Wilma's!

Oh! Oh, no.

Now, ladies, don't start chiseling those invitations yet.

Wilma, you've hooked him. Now reel him in.

If I thought I had a shot at Chip,

I'd club my Eugene and leave him for the Raptors.

Wilma, get real! Chip Rockefeller was first in his class at Princestone.

-I know, but... -And he owns half of Rock Vegas.

Colonel.

Wilma, you and Chip are perfect for each other.

Think of the kind of life he can buy you.

We'll get to spend every day together shopping...

-Playing tennis... -Getting facials...

Browbeating our husbands! We'll be just like our mothers.

Wilma!

Wilma!

Hey, Fred!

Hey, Fred!

Where you been?

I've been lookin' all over for ya.

I didn't feel much like celebrating.

Are you kidding? We get to spend the rest of our lives working in a rock quarry!

Who says dreams don't come true?

I know I should be happy, but I guess I always figured by this point in my life,

I'd have somebody special to share my success with.

You always got me, Fred.

Thanks, Barn. That's not really what I'm talking about.

Yeah, I know.

-What are you talkin' about? -A girl, Barn!

Oh, yeah, right. That's what I thought.

But I wouldn't worry about it. You'll meet somebody.

It's like they always say, "It'll happen when you least expect it."

Now, see, that's where you're wrong, Barn.

I believe you create your own opportunities in life.

You gotta go out there and make things happen.

It's not like something's gonna just drop out of the sky,

land in front of you and change your whole life.

What was that?

(COUGHING) Help! Is there anybody out there?

"Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!"

Fred, I think there's somebody in there.

-Come on, let's try to open it up. -I'm right behind you, pal.

I don't know, Barn, the thing looks empty.

Would you mind not holding me by the antennae?

-It's not an altogether pleasant sensation. -(EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)

-Oh, Barn, get me outta here. Get me up! -Come on, pal.

What are you?

I am the Great Gazoo.

-The great "Kazoo"? -Gazoo.

I come from a planet too far for you to fathom,

and a civilization too advanced for you to comprehend.

-Wait a minute, Fred. I'll bet we get wishes! -Pardon?

We let you out of the fancy bottle. Now we get wishes, right?

Yeah, Barney's right. Let's get this started. What do we have to rub?

Now, look here. I am not some sort of friendly cartoon genie.

And that is not a bottle. It is a spacecraft.

I am of a highly-evolved alien species.

I don't do funny voices. I don't sing catchy songs.

And I do not possess a magic carpet for your big, bloated behinds to float upon!

I am here to observe your species' mating rituals.

-Okay, dum-dums? Dum-dums?

Hey, was that an insult?

-If the shoe fits... -What's a shoe?

-Yes, it was an insult. -That's what I thought.

-You're here to observe. -Mm-hmm.

Well, get ready to observe your teeth leaving your head.

There he is, Fred!

Ooh! Violent natives. That will put a damper on tourism.

Perhaps you can satisfy my intellectual curiosity.

-Fine. And you? -Oh, dear.

We're gonna rock this town Rock it inside out

We're gonna rock this town Make 'em scream and shout

Let's rock, rock, rock, man, rock

Rock till we pop We're gonna rock till we drop

We're gonna rock this town Rock it inside out

I'm Betty. I'll be your waitress.

The fish is fresh, but be careful, so are the busboys.

So, what are you having?

What am I having? Oh!

Ah, gosh.

How much is a glass of water?

Water? Free.

Great. I'll have two.

You want a burger to go with your water?

Oh, no. Water's fine. I like water.

Because if you're short on cash or something, I could spot you.

Then you could go home and get your wallet and pay me back.

No, that's impossible. I can't.

I just... I can't go home, so...

Oh, my! Are you caveless?

But you're so clean!

-Oh, no, you see... -You poor, poor thing.

Oh, great. I just called you "poor." I'm so thoughtless sometimes.

-Listen... -You're not poor. You're not.

-No, I'm not. -You're just down on your luck, right?

Well, don't you worry. You'll stay with me till you're back on your feet.

And I'm gonna buy you lunch.

-No, absolutely not. That's very sweet, but... -Please.

I used to volunteer at the caveless shelter. And I know.

I know you're not looking for a handout.

You're just looking for your self-respect.

I'm Betty. Betty O'Shale.

-(GIGGLING) -Just call me Wilma.

Okay, Wilma. Let's go get you something to eat.