UnREAL

May I introduce "Everlasting's" next suitor,

pro quarterback Darius!

Gary: He's black.

He's like football black.

What about this scandal?

He called that reporter a bitch.

I'm running the show.

I can get you out of your P.R. problem.

You and Quinn blew up your life last season.

We worked it out. You got paid.

Your mother called. She's been talking to Jeremy again.

Do you think I really wouldn't come back because of you? Yeah.

This show is my kingdom. I'm gonna take it back.

Get off of my set.

Ladies, open your hearts to your suitor...

Where the hell is my suitor?

You want to talk to him, you got to deal with me.

Quinn, if I keep following you around like this,

the crew's gonna have a really hard time believing I'm the showrunner.

I just got to steer us past this train wreck

and then I will hand the show back to you.

I want the girls to come to Darius

in bikinis, poolside cocktails.

Bring Darius to the mansion right now

and I will ditch the evening gowns.

I will give you a pool and the bikinis.

May the best man win.

She usually does.

Man: You have five hours of hard night, folks.

Quinn: Ricardo, I love the new twinkle lights!

Fantastic!

Bikinis?

I wasn't ready for bikinis, Quinn.

I was ready for gowns. I need to prepare.

You want to complain to someone, see Chet.

Apparently, he had some caveman brain fart...

Man: Five hours.

...about how to fix something

that wasn't even remotely close to being broken.

That's fine. If Chet's got some ideas of taking the show

in a new direction, great.

I've got some long-gestating thoughts of my own

I'd like to discuss with him. Mm, I'm sure you do.

You know, I can sing, you know.

You know, and I can shoot ping-pong balls out of my vagina,

but no one wants to see that, either.

Well --

Please, stop talking.

Where's Rachel?!

Ping-pong balls out of the vagina is fantastic.

Give me that. Hey. Rachel?

What part of "five hours of hard night"

did you not understand?

You went 10-1 a half an hour ago.

How long does it take to take out your tampon

or whatever the hell you're doing?

Hello? Where are you, my pretty?

Where is everybody?! Hello?!

Anyone have eyes on Rachel?

Go for Rachel.

Any of you people seen Rachel?

Yeah. I'm right here.

Oh, you want to tell me where you were?

Just needed a minute.

That's great. I hope you feel refreshed.

What do you even want me to do? I don't have any girls.

You want me to just take them from Jay and Madison?

Yes. Fine.

Just grab the craziest one and do your thing, okay?

We promised the network suicide ratings,

and we need to deliver.

Right. Just help me do this,

and I will give you back the show.

Go.

Oh, man. So bummed out right now.

Why? What'd I do?

No. It's what you didn't do. What is this?

They told us to change into bikinis.

Yes, but, no, no, no. Not this one.

Where's your other one? The one from Instagram?

The one with the flag on it?

No. The one that you look amazing in.

Come on. That bikini made us come looking for you.

I don't know. That's kind of a hometown thing, you know?

Th-There are a lot of, uh... other kinds of people here.

Are you embarrassed of who you are?

Oh, I'm -- I'm not embarrassed. No.

You're not really a proud Southerner.

Oh, my God.

All that stuff you told me during intake --

Was that all just a lie?

Oh, I-I'm not a liar.

I just thought, "Look at this girl.

This girl, she has got balls."

I do have balls.

Only when you're on the other side

of a computer screen, you've got balls.

This bikini does not scream "balls."

All right. You want me to put it on?

Yes! I'll wear it.

You're crazy.

What the hell is that?!

See?

Come on. This is what I was afraid of.

There is a lot of misinformation out there.

We need cameras over here now.

A lot of people have a real misunderstanding

about what this flag is all about.

Oh, you're right. It's me.

I must just be plain ignorant.

It's not an advertisement for racism.

It doesn't say, "Yay! Slavery!"

Come on. Oh, here we go.

Need people here now. You know what? My daddy had family

who fought and died in the Civil War.

And, for the record, it had nothing to do with slavery.

That is a revisionist crock of --

Read a book. Come on. Where is everyone?

You know what? You might be ashamed of your heritage,

but I have a feeling that the suitor

is going to appreciate my honesty.

You dumb bitch. He's black.

Where's Jay?

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

I just told you that stuff in confidence.

What are you doing?

You're gonna put that garbage on national television?

Yes, so you have something to push against

to promote your message. Then what's the problem?

You need to do it when the cameras are on.

Hey. Sorry. I was just helping Tiffany with her nipple covers.

What's up?

So, if you don't want me to steal your girls,

can you get your head out of Tiffany's vagina

and explain to this ding-dong how the show works?

Okay, relax, Rachel.

You can stop trying to out-Quinn Quinn.

She's back, you know.

Mnh. This is temporary.

Maybe.

I really think that that bikini's the way to go.

Hey, don't let her silence you.

Freedom of speech is so important.

Jay: Hey. You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, but look,

I'm starting to feel like this is a setup --

like, I'm just here to fight that girl.

No. Come on, Ruby. You are so important.

Why? Because he asked for me?

What?

Rachel said that the suitor

asked for me specifically.

She also said that I was guaranteed

to make it to the final two,

that I'd have nine weeks to promote our platform.

I don't know. You should probably just -- Just tell me, please.

Can I trust her?

No.

Ah, shit.

Look, I'm sorry, okay? But she's lying to you.

He didn't ask for you. You're just --

You're the angry black bitch who'll be gone in two episodes,

three if you're lucky.

Oh, my God. What did I just do?

I dropped out of college for this. I'm pissed, too,

and not because I wanted to watch you "rail against the man"

for the next nine weeks. Excuse me? Is that what you think --

It is a whole new deal this year, Ruby.

If a girl like you ever had a shot, this is it.

Listen -- You really want to make a difference?

Win this bitch.

That's revolutionary.

How?

I will make it my personal mission to get you there,

but you have to listen to me, not Rachel.

Okay?

Okay.

You guys cold?

Freezing!

Okay. Tits up, everybody.

Let's do this!

Yes.

Ugh. Look at this.

The pool looks like a volcano. Turn the heat down, somebody.

Do you have our train wreck ready?

That's my job, right?

Yeah. For tonight it is.

Graham: I feel for you guys. I do.

I saw you got a care package from your mom.

Did you open it?

Mnh, I did. It's in the trash.

Rachel, you need to be careful.

Quinn taking the show back could be a real trigger for you,

destabilize you.

Oh, no. You don't have to worry about it.

We got matching best-friend tattoos. We're cool.

Madison: Uh, guys, Beth Ann's on the move.

Okay. Here we go. I need tight shots of Ruby,

Chantal, and, uh, Angry Cop, okay?