Nurse Jackie

Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...

I think I'm pregnant.

Apparently, there's been a problem with shrinkage.

No! Not apparently.

You paid a publicist, didn't you?

I... I have a publicist, yes,

but that is not why I was chosen for the list

of the best 25 doctors in Manhattan.

Your accent... London with a touch of Sussex, right?

- Indeed. - I'm kind of an Anglophile.

How convenient. I'm an Anglo.

- I have a girlfriend. - So do I.

Do not take it out on him.

- Who? Who am I taking it out on? - Thor.

He's diabetic. You know that, right?

- It's nurse Jackie. - Really?

She constantly challenges my decisions,

is bossy and... and rude.

My house, my kids...

Are you out of your fucking mind?

- I can't just turn it off like you can. - I didn't turn it off, Eddie.

Want to know what your problem is? You're fucking greedy.

- Didn't you practice? - That's not very nice, Kaitlyn.

Okay, I told you not to scold my child.

I asked your child to make a little bit of room for my child.

And I think I said "please."

She said that her mom was dad's girlfriend before you.

Oh, please.

Oh, I made too much tater tot hot dish

so I thought I'd bring some over.

Kaitlyn says you guys order a lot of pizza.

Yes, we happen to love pizza.

Really? "Alice in Wonderland"?

It was with the girls.

And dinner too... We went to dinner.

Oh. Dinner and a movie.

With?

Kaitlyn and, um...

Ginny?

Yeah.

Come on. It was a last minute thing, Jackie.

May have been last minute on your part,

- not on hers. I can promise you that. - Kevin: Oh, shit.

God.

Are you jealous of Ginny Flynn?

Last minute. Please.

That woman has been planning what to wear since high school.

You're nuts.

Did she happen to mention

that her marriage is falling apart?

Seriously, Jackie, you're nuts.

Seriously, Kevin, you're mine.

- Oh... shit. - What?

- I'm sleeping on the couch. - What?

- Jackie... - No, I gotta.

W... why? Because we went to a movie?

You're overreacting.

No, I am reacting.

I get to react, okay?

What just happened back there?

You come strolling in at 2:00 am...

I wanted to see that movie. I told you that.

Baby, you were working.

Well, then you should've called me or texted me.

Why didn't you call me?

'Cause I was afraid you'd end up sleeping on the couch.

Well, congratulations on being right.

See where that gets ya.

Is Johnny Depp married?

Um...

- Yes, honey, I believe he is. - We saw "Alice in wonderland."

- You did? - Tim Burton.

- You need to see it. - I do?

You'll really like it.

Okay. Done.

You shouldn't be sleeping on the couch.

Oh, the unsinkable Ginny Flynn.

With all the stab wounds and gunshots we get,

you would think that one of them could be her.

And we'd let her bleed to death, yes?

- Is that bad? - My two cents?

- Yes, please. - No sleeping on couches.

It makes people, I.E., husbands,

ask questions like "is something wrong? Can we talk?" Et cetera.

No good comes of it. Believe me.

Not to mention the fact that that couch kills my back.

Makes me totally useless.

You are many things, Jacks... "useless" is not among them.

- You're very sweet. - You need anything...

Half a Percocet... You let me know.

Yes, I will.

Oh, she's great. I like her.

Mm, she is, isn't she?

She's leaving Gaza to take a desk in Washington.

Is that right? How do you know that?

- I know her. - Really?

Wow.

- Swanky life. - Yeah.

Terribly swanky.

God.

- Last call for Percocet. - No no, it's too hard on the liver.

Only if you take it in obscene quantities.

Really? You know Sarah Kohri?

God, I could not love her more.

Yeah, well...

Will this be one of those times?

Get in line.

Oh.

- Is this a good time? - Sorry.

Quick and painless.

I don't know about painless.

Well then, here's to quick.

Mm.

- Hate you. - What'd I do?

Not that I'd wish diabetes on any of you,

but look at the shit I have to eat.

Wasa bread?!

I love wasa bread.

Kinda my point... it's not a very glamorous food.

Seriously, diabetes... not a glamorous disease.

I don't know. Mary Tyler Moore's pretty glamorous.

Yeah, but her glamour comes more from her

business acumen and alcoholism.

- Big diff. - Suit yourself.

- Halle Berry, type 1. - I'm not a big baby person,

but have you seen her kid?

Her kid is like gorgeous.

You okay?

Why, what have you heard?

People, let it be known, let it be known.

For the time being, Miguel from admitting

will be stationed at the pill-o-matix.

- Sorry? - You heard me.

Until the narcotics situation

is resolved to my satisfaction,

Miguel will be in the pharmacy.

You need an id badge to get into the pharmacy.

Any nutjob can walk into admitting.

Stupidest thing I ever heard. Really.

Tell your nurses to keep their noses out of the oxy.

How about that?

You are making things worse.

- Ow. - Percocet?

Yes, please.

38-year-old male construction worker...

Witnessed a fall from a second-story scaffolding.

No habla... any of 'em.

Hey, Zoey. What's up?

Respiration is spontaneous and unlabored.

Large whack to the back of the head.

- Probably broke a couple ribs. - Let's call up for a scan,

- see what we got. - On my count.

One two three.

You look nice... very pretty.

You... you look nice... very pretty.

- You're rockin' a little glow. - I know, okay?

Shut up.

Gun! Gun.

Jackie Peyton... armed and dangerous.

Do not tempt me.

- Security! - Pharmacy.

Jesus Christ.

Make yourself useful.

Hey, Kev. I thought the worst thing

about sleeping on the couch would be

how it fucks up my back,

but I was wrong.

It was waking up without you next to me.

So... there.

Call me back.

He needs stitches.

Squishy.

Two things... Dr. Cooper, I need a word alone with you.

I heard there was a gun. Check his belongings,

proof of registration. If he's not carrying it,

get security to cuff him to the bed rail.

- He's unconscious. - Out like a light.

- Sleepin' like a baby. - Don't care.

The upside is she does rise to the occasion

when there's like a gun or something.

Most of the time, she just comes off...

I didn't ask you here to talk about Jackie.

- No? - No.

You're a very good-looking man, Dr. Cooper.

Oh, man.

See, this always happens.

I... I'm flattered, Gloria.

And I love older women, so it's not that, but...

Okay, stop. I'm heartbroken.

Dr. Cooper, I have been saddled with the task

of attracting more insured patients.

A better grade of clientele.

In a word... yes.

Our friends at the Sussman Foundation are interested

in making meaningful contributions

to a distinguished medical facility,

not a ramshackle urgent care center.

- We're distinguished. - Not like we were 30 years ago.

- I was five. - Yeah.

- And given your recent write-up... - Aw.