Gravity Falls

Well, hello there, traveler.

I see your car broke down on this lonesome country road,

a place so remote that no one can hear your screams!

Pretend I didn't say that.

Come in, come in, but be warned,

if you enter you may be subjected to my tales.

Tales designed to sell my merchandise!

Sorry, I was thinking of something funny I heard earlier.

You've come to the Mystery Shack after-hours,

a time when only our creepiest

and most cursed objects are for sale,

like that thing there!

No, not a fan? Too many orifices?

All right, I can tell what you're looking for

is this disembodied hand.

Why is it so expensive?

Well, that's quite a tale

and it's called Hands Off!

No, seriously, hands off, that's not for sale.

All right.

Hands Off!

Swap meet! Swap meet! Swap meet!

Look at all these priceless treasures.

Bobbly-heads!

They agree with everything I say.

Professor glasses!

They make me look like a genius.

Look at these faux-gold beauties. They're mob-boss quality.

All right, kids, prepare to watch the delicate art of the deal.

Hey, hag-face! How much for the junk watches?

They are not for sale.

Not for you, Stan Pines!

The wind whispers your name!

Shh... Shush, you guys.

All right, I get it, you're creepy.

Anyway, less talky, more watchy!

Get your hands off my watch!

Ugh!

Yeesh! Freak show.

Wow, someone needs to work on their social skills.

And their observation skills.

Boom!

Good job, heisting hands. Mwah, mwah.

Grunkle Stan, are you seriously shoplifting from a witch?

That sounded like a curse.

"That sounded like a curse!"

Hey, anyone want to buy a wet blanket?

We got a wet blanket for sale!

I can't survive in this market.

Ha, curse.

Yeah, right.

Ah!

Wait, is this curse ugly or normal ugly?

Looks like I got off scot-free.

All right, kiddos, breakfast time.

Prepare your mouths for--

Whoa! Whoa-ah! No hands!

Grunkle Stan, what happened to your hands?

So I might have got cursed a little,

but the watch looks nice, right?

Foolish man, thieving hands find wicked face!

You must return what isn't yours...

That's better.

I told you, Grunkle Stan,

you got to give that watch back and apologize.

What?

That old crone should apologize to me

for denying my right to buy cheap junk.

I don't need hands, I've got self respect.

Mabel, sweetie, will you make your uncle some hands?

La-la-la. Hands makeover!

Say hello to your "new hands"! In quotes.

Nice work, kid.

See, hands are overrated.

I'm ready to take on the day!

Ma'am.

Hey, Mr. Pines.

Should we play toss me a dozen eggs like we always do?

No, Jimmy, wait! Not today!

Not today!

Let's find that witch.

According to the swap meet pamphlet,

the hand witch lives in a horrible hand witch lair

on Hand Witch Mountain.

Stop saying hand witch!

Grunkle Stan, did you just tap my shoulder?

Kid, I can't tap anything.

Guys, can you stop tapping both my shoulders?

Hands! Lots of hands!

Ah!

Ah!

Look at this touching scene.

Up top!

You guys, you guys get me.

All right, you horrible wench, you got me.

Stealing is wrong, etcetera, take it.

Now can I have my hands back?

I have a certain gesture I'd like to share with you.

Alas, your hands cannot be gotten so easily.

The spirits say, um...

that the curse can only be broken by a kiss!

What?

It's all right, kids.

Just look away.

A kiss on the lips!

What? Forget it! I'm not kissing any of that mess.

I don't need my hands that bad.

Yeah, you're just making stuff up now.

Let's go, kids.

No, wait! Don't go!

You're right, you're right.

I was just making all that stuff up.

Just trying to get something going, you know.

So hard to meet people these days.

So this was all just a ploy to get a date?

I'm desperate, okay?

But every time I bring someone back here

without keeping their hands hostage, they just run away!

Well, yeah, look at this horror show.

It's creepy even for a cave!

You just need to redecorate.

For example...

A handelabra!

Ooh, the hand witch likes.

Then watch me work.

Home makeover!

Redecorate.

Redo you.

Change it around.

You got to do it to make it work.

Okay. Time to take a look at your fantastic new cave.

Men will definitely tolerate you now.

And I left a book of pick-up lines on the end table.

Blah! Oh, my goodness!

I can't believe this is the same cave!

Oh, my goodness!

I just can't find the words.

How about "Here's your hands back"?

Oh, right.

Shaky, Scratchy.

I've missed you old rascals.

You're all right, sister.

Will you be my boyfriend now?

No, never.

Well, I learned nothing.

Back to my crippling loneliness.

Hey, I'm lost in these mountains.

Could I crash here for the night?

Please, come in. Uh...

"Girl, are those space pants?

Because your butt looks out of this world."

Wow. Thanks for noticing.

Yes!

All right, I get it.

You don't want the hand, you're a savvy customer.

But perhaps you'd be interested in buying, um...

this magic pig.

Sure he doesn't look magic,

but there is a very interesting story

I'm about to make up about him,

and it's called Abaconings!

"The What-The-Heck-A-Hedron!

Solve this test of intelligence

and your photo could be on this box."

Whoa. That's false advertising I can get behind.

Come on.

Ugh!

Ooh, that's a bummer.

This is May May and The Hogg coming at you on the AM.

Whoa!

Not sure we can say that on the air.

Don't touch that dial, truckers, 'cause The Hogg just ate it.

Mabel, could you knock it off?

I'm trying to solve this intelligence puzzle,

but it seems impossible.

Maybe you're just not smart enough.

We'll see about that.

Buried near the falls is the legendary Percepshroom.

To increase brain power, grind it up

and apply to the forehead overnight.

Tomorrow, I own you!

Ha-ha!

I feel smarter already.

The digits of pi are 3.1...

Um...

415926 etcetera.

What? Who said that?

Mabel?

Whoa! Dipper, look.

Greetings, friends. It is I, Waddles the pig.

- What? - Waddles, what happened to you?

Have you been possessed by the spirit of a nerd?

I understand my transformation may be vexing,

but I have prepared a presentation.

Forgive me. My pig arms are cute and useless.

The brain goop! You ate it and built all this, didn't you?

This isn't right!

The pig goes oink. The pig goes oink!

Now the pig goes wherever he can shine

the light of knowledge into the darkness of ignorance.